Odyssey of the Butterfly
Copyright © 2013 by Fran Heckrotte
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-939950-03-1 print
ISBN: 978-1-939950-01-7 epub
ISBN: 978-939950-02-4 mobi
First Edition
Published: April 2013
This book is Published by
Novel Ideas Publishing, LLC
Beaufort, S.C., USA
E-mail: [email protected]
Editor: Alexa Hoffman, [email protected]
Cover Design by Patty G. Henderson, http://www.pattyghenderson.com
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I give special thanks to the people that helped me bring this book to fruition.
For brainstorming the ideas behind several of the stories, Annabelle is the one who took me to places my imagination would never have ventured.
Alexa, you're a gem. Copyediting has got to be the most tedious task in the production of a book. Thank you for your dedication and professionalism. I would recommend you to anyone wanting a quality job. In fact I just did. Alexa can be reached at the following email address: [email protected].
For a great cover artist, look no further than Patty Henderson. I can't thank her enough for her patience and willingness to work with me on what was a difficult task. Catching the essence of one story is hard. When five stories are involved it is especially challenging. Patty can be reached at her website, http://www.pattyghenderson.com.
And to all my beta readers and proofers, there are no words that can express my gratitude and appreciation for your time and insight. Thank you Sherry and Pixiey, and those who didn't want your names mentioned.
ODYSSEY OF THE BUTTERFLY
Table of Contents: Page
Book 1: DAUGHTERS OF THE QUEEN 7
Book 2: TOUCH OF THE BUTTERFLY 34
Book 3: KISS OF THE BUTTERFLY 95
Book 4: TO KILL A BUTTERFLY 155
Book 5: A TIME FOR CHANGE 322
BUTTERFLIES AND MOTHS
IS THERE ANY INSECT more pleasing to the eye than the butterfly or moth? They are the elusive, mysterious creatures flitting from flower to flower, weed to weed, giving life to many plants and destruction to others. They bring us joy and occasionally death. The Monarch butterfly is well known for being poisonous to some predators, but even it is a lightweight compared to the South American Silk moth. Bristles around its body carry one of the most potent defensive chemicals of any animal. The venom is an anticoagulant that can cause a human to hemorrhage to death. Caterpillars can devastate crops, creating enormous economic losses to farmers... and still, when this dangerous, destructive child of nature emerges from its cocoon... spreads its wings... and takes flight, all we see is beauty... and perhaps that is what makes them truly magical.
DAUGHTERS OF THE QUEEN
THEY ARE THE LEPIDOPTERA. Most people know them as butterflies and moths, at least in the English language. Easily recognized, they are found on all of the continents except Antarctica and can be traced as far back as the Cretaceous Period. Perhaps it was due to the appearance of the first flowering plants, perhaps merely coincidental circumstance. Then again, maybe they existed long before that time but their remains have yet to be discovered. Nature makes her own rules in the game of life, whether on this world — or another.
CHAPTER 1
SHE WAS SHENARA, Queen Mother, and challenged by none... for why would one challenge the weakest of the colony? Their survival depended on her ability to lead, not her strength. She kept the colony alive and ultimately the species. Physically, she was the largest of her kind. Her wings were almost twice the size of the others', making her inferior to the ones that reached maturity. Slower moving, her journey always began days in advance of the collective. Distance provided her the time and opportunity to mark safe routes with the irresistible scent of pheromones. They drifted with the winds, eventually settling on the plants and earth. The flights were arduous but necessary if the colony was to succeed in its yearly migrations.
Queens were the Mothers of their species, although they never mated nor bore young. They were chosen from amongst their sister siblings when the time was right. Always white with thin black swirls bordering semi-translucent wings, they were the most visible of their species... and the most vulnerable. Their eyes could be black, green or a deep purple, sometimes glowing in the early morning or late evening light.
Shenara was unusually large, making her a bigger target for predators. She had, however, three offsetting factors that gave her a greater advantage: superior intelligence, greater wisdom and, most important, the vast experience of all her predecessors. A Queen's memories were passed to her Chosen. Millions of miles and thousands of years of accumulated knowledge gave the monarch what no other in her colony possessed — the ability to recognize subtle changes in the world around them and understand the consequences of such changes. She could predict
colder winters and warmer summers, extended droughts and torrential storms.
* * *
Shenara lived in a world of extremes — hot and humid in the summer, cold and brutal in the winter. To avoid each, she timed her colony's migration to take advantage of the lush plant growth in spring and fall. Winters were spent in the south, summers in the north.
Only a Queen survived the entire trip. Her colony would faithfully follow her to the first breeding ground, mate, reproduce and die. The offspring, after maturing, then followed the Queen's scent to the next nursery. The cycle was repeated once again before they arrived at their final destination, the cooler summer forests of the north. There the last generation was born, fed and grew strong for they alone could make the entire return trip to their winter home, always trailing behind their Queen. As with all life, there would come a time when she could no longer lead and a successor would have to be chosen. Fortunately, Queens lived a long time.
CHAPTER 2
THE AIR FELT STRANGE, warmer, hotter, thicker than normal. Each downward stroke of her wings pushed her higher and further away. Flying was becoming more difficult. She was old and tired and ready for her final destiny.
My time is near, Shenara thought, contemplating all the obstacles that lay ahead of her. I must choose my replacement soon. The Queen scanned the roiling mass of orange and black bodies feeding on the milk of the tall, thin-leafed weeds that flourished around them. But who? Nowhere could she see white wings until the sun glinted on a small speck laboriously climbing a spindly plant tucked amongst the massive growth surrounding it. Then another pair appeared, and another, followed by six more.
Nine! Nine white daughters struggled upward. Shenara watched intently as the first reached its goal and then dismissed it as unacceptable. She moved too quickly. The next six also were rejected as potential successors for the same reason. Speed was not an asset to be Queen. But the last two, they had potential. Every step took a toll on their strength. Neither gave up, a necessary quality to lead, but a certain amount of physical weakness was essential. Survival of the fittest was so ingrained in the genes of each butterfly that challenging the weakest made little sense, a waste of valuable energy, and thus Queens could move amongst their colonies with impunity.
Gliding down for a closer examination of the candidates, Shenara hovered next to one, much smaller than the other, and then moved to inspect her sister. Both had some growing to do
but they had potential. That was the only requirement for now.
Come, daughters! she commanded and flew away without looking back. Sensitive to fluctuations in the air, she knew immediately when they left the security of the milkweed. This was their first flight away from the colony and the beginning of a training regimen that would prepare them for the final test.
Shenara hoped one proved worthy. Her strength was waning. If neither fledgling passed, the collective would be without a Queen, without her memories. The colony would be doomed to extinction, an unthinkable consequence. Shenara would bear the responsibility for such a tragedy, for she was Queen.
* * *
You move too fast, Rojani, Shenara gently reprimanded. Conserve your energy. Speed is your enemy, not distance. Rojani was smaller than her sister, Fenari. The strain of trying to keep up with Fenari and her Queen was exhausting.
How can I keep up with you if I don't fly faster? Rojani asked.
Why do you want to keep up with us? Shenara countered. Did I command you to? Are we in a race?
Rojani took a deep breath and exhaled.
No, Mother, but I can't keep up with you by flying slower. I don't understand what you want of me.
I want nothing more than you can give.
Confused, Rojani slowed her beating wings.
I am giving you all that I can, Mother. Is that not enough?
Fenari, who had been keeping pace with the Queen, veered off and circled back to Rojani's side.
I think Mother wants us to fly at our own pace, sister. If we allow others to push us forward, we will fall behind.
Very good, Fenari, Shenara said, pleased at her daughter's early display of wisdom. Survival is about knowing your limitations. Use them to your advantage. You are the weakest of the weak. You must never compete against the others. Your strength will come from patience, endurance and wisdom.
I only state the obvious, Fenari said, humbly. Were I small like Rojani, I would have made the same mistake.
Perhaps, and perhaps if she were larger she would have made the one you have now made.
Before Fenari could respond, Rojani fluttered excitedly up and down, then dashed in front of her sister to make eye contact.
You cannot doubt yourself, Fenari. You must always believe you do what is best. Am I right, Mother? she asked, spinning around to look into Shenara's eyes.
Yes, daughter. I am pleased with both of you. Come! It is time we returned home. There is much work to be done and little time for preparation. A good night's rest will replenish your energy.
Slowing her speed so Rojani could keep up, Shenara led her two daughters back to the safety of the colony.
Go now. Hide deep amongst your brothers and sisters. Your color makes you vulnerable. I cannot afford to lose either of you.
Shenara watched Rojani and Fenari burrow deep amongst their siblings. When they were no longer visible she flew to her special tree and crawled into a crack between two thick pieces of bark. Circling several times, she nestled down, tucking her legs under her. The Queen closed her eyes. Her body ached, but for the first time in many cycles, sleep came easily.
CHAPTER 3
THE RAYS PEEKED into the dark crevice, warming the Queen and rousing her from her slumber. Stretching, she flexed each leg several times, testing for the stiffness that was coming more often from long periods of stillness. Once assured all were functioning properly, she stood and crept toward the narrow opening. Cautiously she surveyed the outside world, searching for potential threats. Today, there were none. Most of the swarm were asleep; the few that weren't moved sluggishly. Sunlight hadn't yet reached them so their bodies still suffered from the chill of the night. Shenara launched herself into the air. With the new day came the continued responsibilities of preparing her daughters for the final test; a journey from which only one would return.
Daughters! Shenara called out. From the heart of the swarming mass crawled two white butterflies. Each flexed its wings before springing upward.
Mother, Rojani and Fenari called out simultaneously. Without responding, the Queen turned and flew toward a clearing. Her daughters followed, each at her own pace. Once in the meadow, Shenara circled the clearing several times. Occasionally she landed on a brightly colored flower to rest or to sample the sweet pollen. Some plants she avoided. One, however, she approached cautiously.
You must never touch the blue ones, Shenara warned, diving into the shadows beneath several large blossoms. When Rojani and Fenari followed, they saw the decaying remains of butterflies scattered around the base of the plant. Many belonged to other
colonies that shared their territory. A few the sisters recognized as being from their own.
What happened? Rojani asked, clearly terrified at the horrific sight.
The flower happened. This is the Deceiver. Stay away from it, no matter how much it tempts you. There are many flowers and plants to feed from, but none as sweet as this one.
How do you know this, Mother? Fenari asked, shuddering.
Look around you, daughters. This is but one plant and yet hundreds of bodies lie dead beneath its beauty. Fly closer and the scent becomes irresistible. Feed and you want nothing else. Death is slow and painful. The nectar feeds only the cravings. The body dies of starvation. Even ground feeders will not touch those who have died from the nectar of the Deceiver.
We will remember, Mother, Fenari and Rojani promised.
The lessons continued throughout the day and for many weeks afterward. Shenara taught each to recognize the dangers of their world and the secrets that could save them. They gained confidence in their strengths and appreciated their weaknesses. Aerial maneuvers were perfected, the best places to hide revealed, and they were constantly reminded to be vigilant. Danger came from every direction.
Trust what you feel and the memories of those who came before you, Shenara said.
Memories? I have no memories of anyone, Rojani said.
Neither do I, Fenari agreed.
One of you will, Shenara promised cryptically.
The Queen continued her lessons. She taught them to sense danger before it appeared. The sisters were intelligent and learned quickly. Shenara was pleased. Either would make an excellent Queen.
CHAPTER 4
ROJANI AND FENARI were now fully grown, no longer able to hide amongst their siblings. Their white wings glistened in the light, making them highly visible even at nighttime if the moon's beams were bright enough. It didn't help that their brothers and sisters moved aside when they moved amongst them.
The late afternoon sun was still hours from settling when Shenara led them home.
Now you must seek a special place, she said. One that is safe and comfortable, but small enough to stay warm. The entrance must be narrow. Choose wisely. The air grows cooler on the journey to our summer home, and the predators more fierce. Every night, your life and those of the colony will depend on whether you have chosen wisely. If you die, they die.
Having sent the two butterflies on their way, Shenara returned to her own special place to rest. Tomorrow she would send her daughters on a mission; one that could end in their deaths and that of the collective. With luck and skill, a new Queen would return.
* * *
Fenari! Rojani! The sun was still well below the horizon when the Queen called to them. She hadn't seen her daughters since the evening before, although she knew exactly where each was sleeping. Both had chosen their safe places well.
Rojani appeared first but only seconds before Fenari.
Yes, Mother, they said in unison.
You have worked hard, daughters. Your knowledge and skills are complete. I can teach you nothing else. Now you will test all that you have learned. For three days, you must follow the sun as it travels across the sky, each of you flying a different path. On the third day you will search for something special, something unique. Remember it and bring that memory home.
I don't understand, Fenari said. How will we know what you want?
It is not what I want. It is what you find.
This seems too simple, Mother, Rojani said.
Staying alive is never simple. The journey will challenge your stamina, your sense of danger and your ability to find safe places. On your return trip, all that you see will appear different than all that you remember. The world changes around us as we change around it. Now go. The sun awakens.
Obeying their Queen, Rojani and Fenari flew away, afraid but confident Shenara would not send them into the wilderness if she didn't believe in them.
CHAPTER 5
Day 1
ROJANI FLEW FOR ALMOST a full day without stopping, knowing her progress was slow. Hungry and weak, she realized she had made a potentially fatal error but had also learned a valuable lesson. Distance meant nothing if she failed along the way. Although the sun was not yet setting, Rojani decided to stop. Her first priority was to find food. Fortunately, several flowers and milk plants flourished in the area. Darting from blossoms to milkweeds, she filled her belly and then set out to locate a safe place. A crevice between two thick, scaly plates of bark provided the perfect sanctuary. It was small and compact, but comfortable. Most important, it provided the security she needed for the night.
* * *
Fatigue weighed heavily on Fenari, but her energy level was still high enough to keep her safe if she needed to outmaneuver predators. She had stopped several times during the day to feed on the sweet juices of the abundant milkweeds, carefully avoiding the tantalizing smell of the Deceiver. The decaying bodies alone would have been warning enough, even if Mother hadn't told them about the addictiveness of the plant.
Today she was both lucky and diligent. The few predators that crossed her path were either already well-fed or she sensed them before they saw her. Mother had taught her well. Fenari's growing confidence didn't blind her to the realization that she needed to stay alert day and night. Stopping before the sun
disappeared behind the horizon, she found her safe place. Nestled between the narrow fissures of the bark of a giant tree, she settled down for a good night's rest. Tomorrow was only the second day of her test.
Day 2
Darting between limbs, Rojani frantically dipped and turned in an effort to escape the long, snapping beak. She had allowed herself to be distracted by a rainbow above a pool at the base of a miniature waterfall. The dancing colors were like flowers swaying in a breeze. They reminded her of home. She missed her brothers and sisters. Had she not seen the reflection on the surface of the water, Rojani would be rotting in the belly of the bird now chasing her. That could still happen if she didn't escape its relentless pursuit.
Mother would be ashamed of me. Rojani quickly discarded the thought. Mother would simply tell her there was a lesson in the experience. That is if I live long enough to learn it.
Snap! Snap!
* * *
Petals shaped like wings, the flowers provided Fenari with the cover she needed. Frightened, she nestled amongst the blooms hoping she wouldn't be noticed by the flock of small birds frantically circling overhead. Their shrill screeches rang through the forest, blocking out the usual sounds.
Not every predator feasted on butterflies. Fenari wasn't taking any chances. Mother had taught her and Rojani many
things; the flowers and plants that provided nourishment, the ones to avoid, enemies that came from the sky and those that slithered or scurried across the ground. Not everything was a threat.
But nothing must be taken for granted. Fenari remembered that day and its lesson well.
It was a day that had started like the others. Mother had summoned Fenari and Rojani from their safe places. Then a high-pitched wail broke the early morning silence. It was painfully loud and scary. Instead of flying away, Mother led them toward the sound. A large cat lay writhing on the forest floor. Huge paws slapped at its eyes as it shook its massive head. The ears were filled with small crawling creatures. The animal was covered in ants, millions of them.
Learn well, daughters, Mother said. Size does not determine the degree of danger. These animals are insignificant as individuals. One is only an irritant, but many become formidable. Nothing can withstand their ferocity.
How can I protect myself from such numbers? Rojani asked.
Be vigilante at all times. These are ants. They sleep at night like us and thus pose no immediate threat but there are things that move through the darkness. Rest with your eyes shut but your ears open... and remember, danger comes from all directions.
They are awful, Mother, Fenari said and shuddered.
They are what they are. We do not judge others, Fenari. We, too, feed off the living. Can we know for sure that we aren't causing pain when we sip the lifeblood of a flower or milk of the plant? Shenara asked. Do not assume they cannot feel. We may think we are different, but we are all the same.
I understand, Mother.
I also understand, Mother. Why cannot our family use our numbers to defend us? We have as many brothers and sisters as these ants.
Defend with what, Fenari? What weapon could we use? We are fragile, our wings and legs delicate. Only our numbers and a Queen's wisdom ensure that the colony will survive another season. That is all we have, all we need. The sun will be setting soon. We must return home. You have much to think about.
The three returned to the colony, each seeking out her safe place.
Shaking her head, Fenari returned to the present. Fortunately her temporary lapse had not endangered her. The normal sounds were comforting. Inhaling deeply to release some tension, Fenari scanned the area for predators. Seeing none, she crawled from her hiding place and tested her wings. All was well. Launching into the air she continued her journey. She still had several hours of flying time ahead of her.
Day 3
The sun was peeking over the horizon, spreading its pink rays across the meadow of wildflowers. As the safe place warmed, Rojani stirred, flexing each leg. One had been slightly injured the day before in her efforts to escape a predator but had healed overnight. Pressing her wings together over her body she squeezed through the narrow crack into the light. This was the last day of her forward journey. Tomorrow she would head back to the colony.
Mother said I would find something unique. Rojani scanned her surroundings. There was nothing that she would describe as unique. Some of the plants were unusual but the meadow was like many others she had seen. Large animals grazed on the lush grass. Smaller ones stood near the edge of the forest looking fearfully in one direction and then another. The meadow teemed with life, but nothing she could honestly say was unique. Have I failed her? The thought was depressing.
* * *
Fenari watched the grazers move around the clearing, cropping and tugging at the thick grass. Occasionally one would raise its head to check some unknown scent or sound. Once assured there were no threats it returned to its grazing. Other animals and insects scurried around intent on their own business.
Nothing! Fenari was disappointed. There is nothing here. I have failed Mother.
Reluctantly she raised her wings, lifting her body into the air. A gust of wind blew her sideways. Frantically she struggled
to regain control. Twisting her body she grabbed at the limb of a nearby tree. Adrenalin gave her the strength to hold on. After the wind died she relaxed, feeling drained. Fenari knew she was now too weak to safely begin her journey home. She needed to rest. Shifting to a more comfortable position, she checked for predators and saw movement on the trunk of the tree she clung to. Could it be?
Rojani?
Fenari? Is that really you? her sister called out. How did you get here?
I flew! How did you?
I flew, Rojani said.
How is this possible? Fenari asked. We travelled different paths. Is our world so small?
I don't know. We flew only three days. Mother says the journey north is long. She wouldn't lie to us. Could we have taken wrong paths?
We must have, Fenari said. Each sister felt the other's disappointment and was saddened. They had spent weeks training together, learning Mother's lessons and selflessly sharing their thoughts and ideas. Only one could be Queen but both wanted the same thing, to make Mother proud.
Rojani raised and lowered her wings before folding them above her head in a more relaxed position. Her eyes searched the horizon for anything that might be unique and again found nothing.
We need to feed and then find a safe place for the night, she finally said.
Perhaps we can find one big enough for the both of us, Fenari suggested shyly.
I would like that.
The sisters soared into the air, flapping their wings slowly, each to her own rhythm. An abundance of flowers and milkweed provided them with plenty of nourishment and a variety of sweet, tasty nectar and pollens. When their bellies were full, they searched the nearby trees for a safe place large enough to accommodate them. As the sun vanished beyond the tree line they settled comfortably near each other, wings and cheeks touching. For hours they talked about what they had seen on their journeys and the lessons they had learned.
I wish we had found something unique, Rojani said, feeling depressed.
Me too, Fenari agreed. Maybe Mother is wrong. Maybe neither of us is meant to be Queen.
Maybe.
Shifting slightly, the two butterflies closed their eyes and slept and dreamt of forests and meadows filled with lush plants. Colorful blooms and tall, thin-leafed plants covered the earth as far as the eye could see, and in the distance they watched an enormous white butterfly coming toward them.
Mother?
Mother!
No, I am Lenila, Mother of your Mother, Queen of your Queen, the butterfly said. You have done well, children. Your task is almost completed. In two days you will be home. Tell me, what have you learned?
I have learned to be vigilant. That danger comes from all directions, Rojani said.
And I that it comes in all sizes, Fenari added.
That is good. What else?
Fenari and Rojani continued to tell Lenila about their experiences and the lessons learned from each. The Queen nodded her head approvingly as she listened.
You will make fine Queens, she said. There is but one more challenge left for you. Have you not found it yet?
No, Rojani said. I have seen many wonderful and frightening things — animals, plants — but nothing unique.
Nor I, Fenari added. Have we missed something?
Lenila nodded. Yes, the most important thing you will ever encounter.
How will we know what we are looking for if we do not know what it is? Fenari asked.
You will know. When you awaken, do not look so far ahead that you do not see what is beside you. Now, morning comes. I must leave.
Will we ever see you again? Rojani asked.
A Queen is never without her Queens, children, nor a daughter without her Mother. Raising her wings high, Lenila pushed downward, lifting her body into the air. Circling twice above the two sisters, she then flew away, disappearing into the pink rays of the rising sun.
* * *
Opening her eyes, Fenari felt Rojani stirring against her.
Good morning.
Good morning, Rojani said, shifting away so they could stretch their legs.
I dreamt about you... us... last night, Fenari said. We were in
a beautiful place and Mother's Mother was there.
I dreamt the same thing. She asked about our journeys. Rojani rotated her body to get a better look at her sister.
And said we were not to look so far ahead... Fenari began.
...that we did not see what is beside us, Rojani finished.
Fenari and Rojani stared into the others' eyes, each widening in surprise.
We are what Mother was talking about, they said simultaneously. We are unique!
You have learned well, daughters. Come! a familiar voice commanded from outside the safe place. Peeking through the opening, Fenari and Rojani saw Mother hovering a short distance away. Today you are Queens, Shenara announced.
That can't be! The colony has only one Queen. That is you, Mother, Rojani said.
The colony has grown too large. It needs two Queens. Today we begin the journey north so you can learn the path. Your brothers and sisters will soon follow. Eventually one of you must take half of the colony and find a new home, but only when the time is right.
What about you, Mother? Fenari asked.
This is my last journey. Once you know the way, I will join my Mother and those before her. The sisters gasped. The thought of Mother not being with them was frightening and sad. Queens are never without their Queens, Shenara said. Come, your real journey begins today.
* * *
Before Shenara had left to find Fenari and Rojani, she called all of her children together.
Children, soon you travel north. As I have led the many generations before you, I will lead you, your children and your children's children to their final homes. This is your final journey. So will it be mine. None of us will return here. It is our
way of life. Telling you this was not necessary. All of you will be gone before me. Shenara hesitated, looking at the thousands of butterflies that surrounded her. No wing moved, no eyes strayed from hers. I have loved each generation equally. Each child the same. Every death I mourned, every life I cherished. You are the first of my children to take this final journey with me even though you won't be the last. Know, though, your faces, these memories I will carry with me when I am with my Queens.
Mother? A small voice called out timidly.
Without hesitation Shenara turned to gaze at one butterfly amongst the mass surrounding her. Queens were able to identify all of their children by patterns and voices.
Yes, Sorilia.
Will we see you after we die?
I don't know. I have only been visited in my dreams by my Queen. Shenara's eyes swept over the colony. Have any of you been visited by a brother or sister?
Oroni came to me after he disappeared, Sorilia said.
And Pilara came to me after she was seduced by the Deceiver, another exclaimed. Soon other voices joined in until none were silent.
Pleased, Shenara raised and lowered her wings several times.
That is your answer, then. We will see each other again beyond this life. It will be a joyous reunion. Come now. Let me touch each of you so I may take your essence with me.
One by one each butterfly moved forward and rubbed his or her forehead against Shenara's. Afterward it flew away, making room for the next. The ceremony lasted half the day. When the last flew off, the Queen gave their southern home one final glance. Then, lifting her body into the air, she started her own journey. There were two daughters who needed her.
Several grazers lifted their heads to watch a large white butterfly soar across the meadow toward the rising sun. As it disappeared into the growing light, the grazers lost interest and returned to their morning routine of feeding. They had just arrived from their northern migration. The lush growth would provide them with the nutrients necessary for the trip home in the fall.
CHAPTER 6
FIVE ROUND TRIPS were completed before the Queens felt confident they could each lead half the colony on their own. Four had been made without Mother. Their sisters and brothers knew it was unusual having more than one Queen. When born, they were taught the history of their species. Knowledge of the past was important if they were to understand the importance of their role in the future of the colony.
The time has come, hasn't it? Fenari asked, already knowing the answer. How will we do this?
Each brother and sister will make their own choice. It is beyond our control, Rojani said. When we leave, we will keep to the main routes but take different smaller paths as we move north. Those who follow yours will be yours.
What about the nurseries? They have become crowded. Who will look for new ones?
I will look for a new one for the first generation. You must look for one for the next. The third and final are still large enough to sustain two colonies. While our children feed and grow strong we will scout other places for next year.
Fenari circled the broad leaf they were resting on. Their family was prospering under their reign. The numbers had increased.
I will miss those who follow you, Rojani, but you are a great Queen. They are lucky.
As I will those who choose you, sister. They too are lucky. I think Mother would be proud of us.
I still miss her, Fenari said.
We will see her again. Until then, we have responsibilities. Shall we begin?
Rising slowly into the air, the Queens started their journey north, their iridescent white wings fluttering at their own pace.
* * *
Winter was still several cycles away. Millions of wings fluttered through the forests and across meadows. The young butterflies enjoyed playing together, forming strong bonds. Although now two colonies, they acted as one. Family was family. Only when they started the return journey to the south would they divide back into separate groups.
Fenari and Rojani had stayed with the arriving generation through their final life cycle. Butterflies sought partners, mated, laid their eggs and then flew away amongst the tall trees, disappearing into the dark forests. When the last were gone, the Queens felt the loneliness of the empty land. It quickly vanished once the eggs hatched. The plants covered with the ravenous caterpillars were quickly consumed until, fat and bloated, the larvae could eat no more. They then metamorphosed into pupae and eventually transformed into butterflies.
* * *
It was time for the Queens to begin their search for new
nurseries. Their children were old enough to be left on their own for days at a time. Fenari and Rojani followed the southern route for half the morning, unaware they were being followed.
Do you smell that? Rojani asked, catching a strange scent.
It smells sweet, sweeter than normal, but not in the way of the Deceiver, Fenari said. Could it be another variety?
Maybe. We must be careful. Mother warned us about the addiction of excessive sweetness. If it smells too good --
— then it is probably bad, Fenari finished.
Yes, she also said there are plants that mimic the Deceiver but are harmless, Rojani said.
I remember. She told us we would know the difference. We must have faith in Mother's trust of us. We should investigate this smell. If it is another Deceiver, we can warn the colonies. If not, it may be another food source.
The sisters followed the scent trail through a dense forest, across several hills until they finally located the source, a large meadow filled with a thick carpet of grasses and wildflowers. Fenari and Rojani didn't recognize any of the floras. It was if they had flown into an entirely new world. Surveying the area, they found several more clearings. One, in particular, had an unusual rock in the middle. Its shape and color didn't blend with its surroundings. The object obviously didn't belong. Sunlight reflected off the smooth, shiny surface. Cautiously Fenari and
Rojani approached it, staying far enough away that they
could flee if they needed to. When a strange animal suddenly appeared, they realized there was a cave entrance on one side. Two similar creatures followed.
What are they? Fenari asked
I don't know.
Fenari and Rojani watched the things moving around the rock, picking up smaller ones and carrying them back into the cave. It was obvious they could communicate, which meant they were intelligent.
Mother would know what they are, Fenari said confidently.
Rojani agreed, but Mother was not there to tell them. I think we should leave now. It will take a half-day to get back to the colony. Come, sister. Turning, she caught a slight breeze and soared upward. Fenari followed. Neither looked back. If they had, they would have seen the creatures staring in their direction and a dozen small, curious butterflies flitting carelessly behind them toward the rock. Trailing behind the group was a tiny white one. Too young to be afraid and too hungry to resist the sweet smell coming from the cave, they disappeared into darkness. Neither creature seemed to notice the intruders as they too went inside. Moments later, the entrance sealed itself. The ground shook as the strangely shaped rock rose higher and higher into the air before finally vanishing into the clouds.
TOUCH OF THE BUTTERFLY
Prologue
SIP968X WAS DISCOVERED more than thirteen-thousand velyars ago. The life forms were now more diverse and evolved than many worlds presently under Lieran observation. Xplor Corporation had designated the planet a Category SIP, meaning of special interest. Three evolving species exhibited unusually high degrees of intelligence. One in particular was on the verge of space travel. They had primitive crafts with propulsion engines powerful enough to push them into orbit. Their progress was monitored every two hundred velyars by an unmanned research vessel. If the inhabitants perfected a drive efficient enough to carry them beyond their solar system, the Lieran would initiate contact. Until then, computers gathered valuable data and transmitted it to Xplor.
Planets approved for physical exploration were normally very primitive. They were EVWs, evolving worlds. Before receiving an assignment to one, Xplor researchers received extensive indoctrination in contact protocols with plant and animal life. Fear of cross-contamination between Lierans and indigenous species was a major concern. One planet had an entire eco-system destroyed because of the careless behavior of a research technician. Other worlds had suffered less severe damage but had been irreparably altered. The Lierans vowed to never repeat those mistakes.
Unfortunately, even the best of intentions is often sacrificed for profit. Screening and training didn't guarantee researchers would adhere to every regulation. Explorers were naturally
curious, a strength that, occasionally, exposed weaknesses. Xplor chose their brightest people for their research teams. Sometimes they overlooked minor infractions if person showed exceptional potential. Progress always came with risk, and profits came from progress.
CHAPTER 1
EVW984L
THE LUMINESCENT WHITE butterfly was exquisite. Light reflected off the wings, creating a faint glowing halo around an elongated golden body. Louai watched it flutter aimlessly from flower to flower, settling on one and then moving to another. The size of a small plate, it was the largest Louai had ever seen on any of the EVWs she had explored. Without thinking, she held up her left hand, palm upward, wiggling her fingers in hopes of enticing the beautiful creature closer. It worked. As if drawn by an invisible string, the butterfly launched itself off a red-and-yellow blossom straight toward her, settling lightly on her fingertips. Louai shifted the animal to her right hand, barely able to contain her excitement. She could easily make out the intricate patterns on each wing.
"You're gorgeous," Louai whispered, not wanting to startle the insect. "I know touching you is forbidden but, technically, you came to me, didn't you?" Lifting her hand higher, she raised it to eye level for a closer inspection. The butterfly adjusted its position to face Louai. Glistening dark purple eyes stared at her. Louai felt herself being drawn into their depths. The world around her momentarily disappeared, replaced by swirling ghostly images from her past; memories she had long forgotten and wished had remained that way. Then scenes of lush, tranquil forests and flowers flashed by, bringing with them a sense of calm and wonder. Suddenly the vision vanished in an explosion of colors, bringing her back to reality.
What the helvin happened? she thought, shaking her head to
clear the lingering memories and disorientation. Not wanting to risk a repeat of the experience, Louai tossed the butterfly into the air and watched it flap slowly away, unconsciously rubbing her hands together in an attempt to wipe all evidence of having handled the creature. A loud crack of thunder reminded her that a storm was moving in. From previous experiences, Louai didn't want to be caught outside when it arrived. They were usually short, but often violent.
"That wasn't very smart," she muttered, regretting her impulsive behavior, a character trait she had battled all of her life. Lylia wasn't going to be happy when she learned Louai had violated a critical Xplor regulation, especially since they had recently reinstated her after a similar infraction. Restricted to lab work for six velmons had felt like an eternity. Fortunately, Lylia, one of the top researchers in the company, agreed to team up with her if she promised to behave.
"Behave! It makes me sound like a child. What's the use of being a scientist if I can't examine specimens up close?" She sighed and then flinched as lightning flashed closer in the distance. If lucky, she had thirty velmins before the rain started, more than enough time to reach base camp. I'd better go and tell her what I've done. Dreading the impending lecture, Louai gathered her equipment and trudged quickly but reluctantly toward the ship. Hopefully Lylia wouldn't report her to Xplor. She doubted if they'd be so forgiving this time.
* * *
Crouching, Lylia studied the data scrolling across the datavid in her right hand. The soil contained interesting minerals and elements but nothing to get excited about, not that she
usually got excited about anything anymore. Well, other than the thought of seeing Ariana soon. Velyars of exploration had a way of tempering youthful exuberance and Lylia felt she had seen just
about everything there was to see. It was true every planet was unique. The chemical composition of life on habitable EVWs was less so. In the infinite worlds of possibilities, only a small window of variables existed that could sustain complex species. EVW984L was beautiful.
But boring, Lylia thought and then looked at the sky as thunder rolled ominously just beyond the tree line. Looks like a bad one coming in. I hope Louai gets back soon.
The sound of something thrashing through the underbrush snapped Lylia back to her surroundings. Slipping the datavid into her pocket she glanced around, attempting to locate the direction of the noise. To her right, the tops of bushes were being slammed aside. Whatever was moving toward her was big. Her hand moved to rest on the weapon strapped to her left hip. EVW984L wasn't a hostile world, but plenty of animals were capable of killing her or, at the very least, inflicting serious harm. Lylia had already destroyed a large-horned herbivore after it tried to gore Louai. They had inadvertently stumbled onto it while it was resting. Startled, the frightened animal attacked them, leaving Lylia no choice but to kill it. The researchers were saddened at the taking of a life.
* * *
A bush in front of Lylia shook violently. Gripping her plazgun tightly, she partially slid it from her belt but shoved it back in place when Louai's head and shoulders pushed through
the thick foliage. Her left hand was cupped in her right. Both were clutched tightly against her chest. Whether the expression on her face was fear or pain, Lylia couldn't tell, not that it mattered. Louai was in serious trouble.
"What have you done?" Lylia shouted, racing forward but barely reaching Louai in time to cushion her assistant's fall as she collapsed to her knees.
"I'm sor —"
"It's alright. I've got you," Lylia said, lowering her to the ground. "Louai! Louai! What happened?" Receiving no response, Lylia checked for a pulse. She exhaled slowly when she felt the faint beat near the right ear. Her relief was short lived. Her assistant was clearly unresponsive but her eyes were wide open. Blue bruise-like blotches began appearing on her face, followed by webs of dark green streaks. Fearing Louai was infected with an unknown organism, Lylia jumped to her feet and backed away.
Felk! What happened? What do I do now? she thought, staring in horror at her companion. Her mind raced through all the possibilities and came up empty. Think! Antivere! Yanking open the small pouch on her right hip, she grabbed a small vial. The pink solution glowed under the red rays of the sun peeking between rapidly moving clouds. Lylia snapped the tip off. Cautiously she stepped forward. Although they had been on assignment less than six velmons, she and Louai had grown close, a necessity for the mental stability required to complete the long, isolated research assignments.
I can do this. I can do this. Lylia repeated the mantra over and over in a useless attempt to control the underlying fear that Louai had contracted a transmittable disease. I'm probably already infected. Unconsciously, she wiped her free hand on her pant leg then examined it for evidence of contamination. Maybe it's something she inhaled. No, the nasal screens would prevent that. Facemasks weren't practical for long-term explorations; all offworld researchers were implanted with micro-filters,
preventing airborne contaminants from entering the lungs. Feeling panicky, she slowed her breathing. This is ridiculous. Whatever happened doesn't matter now. Kneeling, she reluctantly leaned forward and plunged the needle into Louai's neck.
* * *
Louai's face was swelling. Her eyes appeared to be closing. Lylia felt nauseous when she realized the growing puffiness of the lids was forcing them together. How much more can skin stretch? she wondered in morbid fascination. Touching Louai was no longer a possibility. Whatever was causing the bizarre reaction had progressed beyond Lylia's capability to handle. The antivere proved useless. All that was left was to watch and hope she didn't suffer the same fate. I need to record this, Lylia thought and then grimaced. Scientist to the end.
Sliding the datavid from her pocket, she activated the vidcord and swept it along the length of Louai's body. Images streamed across the screen as the instrument transmitted the recorded data to the main computer in their spaceship. At least, Lylia hoped it was being transmitted. Something in the atmosphere of EVW984L had proven problematic for any
transmission when storms were present or even nearby. Lylia wasn't sure if the approaching front would have the same effect.
Because Lylia had also pressed the emergency button, two events were automatically triggered. The information received by Comm, the onboard communication system, would be relayed to Xplor to be analyzed. What the corporation did after that was up to them. Then the research vessel's launch thrusters were locked down, preventing the ship from taking off. Xplor wasn't going to chance an epidemic outbreak on the home world. Vessel decontamination would be necessary before it could leave the planet.
Right now, Lylia needed to identify the source of Louai's illness, or at least if it was contagious before any rescue mission received authorization to land. It will probably take a good velmon before they get here, she thought. And that's the least of my problems.
Turning her attention back to Louai, Lylia was horrified to see the body had swollen to more than twice its normal size. The gray one-piece uniform was stretched to its limit. The suit would probably withstand the stress of the bloating body awhile longer but Lylia knew the exposed skin around the hands, neck and head did not have the same strength or elasticity.
"I'm sorry," Lylia murmured, feeling guilty. As a friend she felt she had failed Louai. As a scientist, the rapidly developing symptoms were intriguing. Being so close, however, was a foolish risk. Lylia stood up and backed away, her eyes never leaving Louai's distorted face — that is, until a butterfly with white wings landed on the swollen, bulbous nose.
"What the..." Slowly the butterfly raised each wing, lowered them and repeated the movement four times. A golden halo surrounded the insect's body, causing it to glow. As gently as it had landed, it lifted into the air and flew away. Mesmerized, Lylia watched it disappear into the forest. Louai had mentioned the day before that she had seen one, but Lylia didn't really believe her. That species of insect was conspicuously absent on this particular world. She thought it was wishful thinking on her associate's part, perhaps mistaking a small bird for something she hoped to see. As a scientist, Lylia knew better than to assume anything. She should have asked more questions, not that it made any difference now. They wouldn't be sharing this experience. "A butterfly," Lylia murmured, looking down at Louai, hoping beyond reason she had seen it too.
What Lylia saw paralyzed her. Gasping, she gagged, trying to suppress the urge to vomit.
Eyeballs protruded, extending outward beyond horribly swollen cheeks. Instinctively, Lylia raised her hands up to block what she knew was about to happen. She was barely able to shield her eyes before the head exploded, spewing greenish-blue ooze over the surrounding area.
"Felk!"
Dropping the datavid, she frantically wiped at the thick, warm goo covering her face, inadvertently smearing some into her eyes. If she wasn't infected before, she had to be now. Going home was no longer a possibility. Considering the rapid advancement of Louai's symptoms, Lylia probably had velmins left before the same thing happened to her.
* * *
The datavid seemed so close... agonizingly close and yet unreachable.
Lylia's legs felt heavy, almost as heavy as her arms. Her uniform was designed to be comfortably formfitting, capable of stretching and adapting to the type of physical work required for exploratory expeditions. Even it, though, had limitations. Looking down at her thighs she saw they had doubled in size. Her hands and wrists were puffy, more than twice their normal size. Unable to flex her fingers, Lylia knew she would be dead in velsecs. Still, she wasn't going down without a fight. Xplor needed to know what happened. If a rescue team arrived, it could suffer the same fate, especially if the transmission hadn't gotten through.
Shuffling awkwardly forward, she tried to nudge the datavid with her toe.
I... can... do...
A butterfly flitted near her foot and then settled on the top of her boot.
"You... a... gain," Lylia gasped. The pressure on her chest was making it difficult to breathe.
Wings flapping slowly, it moved delicately across the surface of her boot and then launched itself in the air directly toward Lylia's face, fluttering frantically. Lylia wanted to blink so badly but her lids wouldn't move. She stared helplessly at the creature, overwhelming curiosity replacing the horror of everything else.
The butterfly soared upward to eye level. Purple eyes stared into Lylia's. The world around her disappeared, replaced by a swirling colorful mass of kaleidoscopic images — shifting patterns of trees, plants, flowers constantly changing shapes until they finally morphed into a single mosaic of --
The image disappeared and with it the return of reality. Lylia's lifeless body crumpled to the ground.
CHAPTER 2
ARIANA PEERED AT THE organism swimming in the crystal globe. The specimen had been delivered to her from one of the eleven research vessels monitoring the twenty-six SIP planets that had been discovered in the Kalgar Quadrant. This specimen was particularly interesting. It had the ability to alter its surface colors and patterns, making it almost invisible. Were it not for the Similor energy beams reacting with the Sustainer fluid, the casual observer would see nothing more than a globe filled with a clear liquid.
"Have you discovered its secret?" Sorelle asked, walking up to peer over Ariana's shoulder.
"I just received this specimen yesterday," Ariana said, sounding a bit exasperated. "And would you please quit looking over my shoulder like that? You know how I hate people doing that."
"Sorry." Sorelle shifted slightly to Ariana's left and motioned toward the globe. "It doesn't look like much, does it."
"Maybe not, but if we can discover how it blends so perfectly with its background, we might be able to replicate the process. We could physically explore the SIPs. Can you imagine living amongst other intelligent life forms undetected?" Ariana asked and immediately regretted her words.
Sorelle would never get that opportunity. He was an excellent scientist but incapable of controlling his curiosity, often taking unnecessary risks in the rush to find answers. His requests to be assigned to a research vessel were always refused.
Xplor wanted quick results, but not at the cost of lives or equipment, especially equipment. Over-exuberance could prove disastrous, financially and politically. The corporation spent a fortune screening research applicants, identifying character flaws and weaknesses. Enthusiasm was welcomed, within reason.
"I'll never have that opportunity," Sorelle said, his voice tinged with suppressed anger. "It's not fair. I'm one of the brightest brains at Xplor. My record is impeccable and they have profited considerably from my work. If I'm passed over again, I might as well put in for retirement."
Ariana didn't know what to say. She understood Sorelle's disappointment. He was eighty-five and had never been spaceside. At forty-three, she was one of the brightest scientists at Xplor. Her credentials were impressive, seven expeditions to EV1s, three to the more advanced EV2s. With fifty-six patentable discoveries, multiple degrees in plant and microbial life forms, both primitive and advanced, Ariana was a valuable asset to Xplor. One EV2 was being upgraded to SIP thanks to Ariana and Lylia's excellent observations and research. The corporation was rewarding them with a new assignment to another Special Interest Planet once Lylia returned from her present assignment.
CHAPTER 3
Two years earlier
ARIANA AND LYLIA had been on the waiting list for five velmons when they were notified of their next assignment. EVW788L was scheduled for an update evaluation. The evolving world had not been visited in almost five-hundred velyars. The last exploration team had made a few interesting observations about peculiar plant behavior but was unable to establish the cause. Xplor had flagged the planet as a 'to watch' and scheduled it for a follow-up visit.
They had spent almost four velmons categorizing the flora and fauna on EVW788L. Plants were lush and abundant; the animals that fed on them numerous and diversified. Predators existed but were rare. For the most part the planet was a vegetarian's dream.
The research team spent most of their time cataloguing plant and animal life, assigning each species a genus and epithet based on characteristics such as color, shape, size and molecular make-up. The discovery of a handful of grasses that had developed a rudimentary form of communication was more than Lylia and Ariana could have hoped for.
"Did you ever imagine we'd find something like this?" Ariana asked excitedly, barely able to keep from jumping up and down like a schoolgirl. "Intelligent plants! It's amazing!"
"There's no reason to think plants can't evolve into intelligent life forms," Lylia reasoned, amused at her assistant's
childlike enthusiasm. "Statistically, it was only a matter of time before one of our teams found one."
"Maybe, but we're that team. How can you be so calm about this? Others would kill to be in our boots right now."
"I doubt that." Lylia gave Ariana a wry grin and patted her on the shoulder. "Let's review everything one more time. We need to make sure our conclusions are irrefutable before we report to Xplor. You know the rules: verify, verify, verify. Now, let's go over the logs. You're the plant expert. Read to me what you have in your notes. They have to be precise."
Ariana pulled the datavid from her hip pocket and tapped the screen several times.
"Where are you?" she mumbled, unaware of Lylia's faint, knowing smile. It wasn't a secret Ariana hated the newest prototype to their data-gathering arsenal. Xplor had incorporated more functions than any single Lieran could remember. "Ah, here we go," Ariana said and proceeded to read what she had written. "Completed categorization of animal and plant life on the four major continents and seven islands. We decided to investigate small volcanic island in Sector 5, Quadrant 33, Southern pole, Region 101. Three active volcanoes present. Two dormants. Identified several unique plant species unrelated to any on the other sites. Possible deviation may be evolutionary changes due to extreme volcanic activity, isolation from nearest Continents Seisa and Segma, or unusually high latitudinal temperatures. Plants of interest —"
"Ari, just read what you have on this particular plant," Lylia said. "The other stuff isn't important right now."
"Oh, sorry. Let's see..." Arian scrolled further down. "Okay... Spidorous Rizonel... a short, wide-bladed grass species. Colors vary from pale green to deep purple depending on acidity and alkalinity of surrounding soils. Appears to multiply by sending rhizome-like shoots underground to surrounding areas but appears not to be aggressively invasive. They form subterranean structures similar to a spider web." Looking up at Lylia, Ariana smiled proudly. "I thought that was a pretty good name for this particular grass."
Lylia nodded but fluttered her fingers signaling for Ariana to carry on with her report.
"When threatened, Spidorous Rizonel rubs its blades together, creating a low-pitched hum that resonates at about fifty velmets. Grass within that range mimics the behavior, increasing the frequency strength to three hundred velmets. While the sound is below the audible range of Lierans, grazers apparently hear it. All feeding activity ceases." Glancing up at Lylia, Ariana tapped the screen with her finger. "This behavior was repeated only when grazers resumed eating. When animals aren't grazing on Spidorous Rizonel, no frequencies are emitted."
"What about the nearby fields?"
"Nothing happened. There was no noticeable change in the plants or the grazers' behavior in the adjacent areas as long as this particular plant wasn't under assault."
"That's certainly different, but not enough to conclude —"
"Today was different," Ariana interrupted excitedly. "Three young grazers ignored the warning — if that's what it is. They
continued eating and died almost instantly. I ran a blood analysis on each and all showed high levels of trilynic acid."
"Trilynic? In a grazer?" Lylia asked, her expression reflecting her surprise. "That would inhibit the digestive system's ability to break down plant fiber."
"I know. It surprised me too, so I tested the grasses near where they were eating. Not only did it have trilynics but also phelotetona. I don't know of any complex organism that could withstand that strong a digestive acid. Still, the phelotetona may be weakening it to a tolerable level. Perhaps it's normal in these grazers."
"Not according to our earlier scans. Neither chemical was present in the adults," Lylia said. "You said they died almost immediately. Trilynic is strong but even it takes time for the acid to penetrate the guts, babies or not. This is an extremely hardy species."
Ariana unconsciously nodded her head.
"I know. That's why I performed an autopsy on them... bionetically, of course," Ariana added. "I wouldn't think of jeopardizing our futures by touching them."
"Your future," Lylia said. "Mine is never in jeopardy."
"Rub it in. Just because you received a lifetime achievement commendation doesn't make you irreplaceable."
Lylia's eyebrows shot upward. "Actually, it does," she said and motioned for Ariana to get on with it. Only seven others had
received Xplor's top award. The corporation didn't present them often. Lylia had spent half her life traveling to different worlds, examining their eco-systems. She had also developed an efficient system for categorizing plants, animals, minerals and anomalies. Xplor was able to quickly consolidate data from each research team, saving the corporation time and money. As far as the company was concerned, Lylia was indispensable — and she knew it, although she never allowed it to go to her head. Too many lives depended on her judgment and decisions. "Are you finished?" Lylia asked when Ariana didn't immediately start reading.
"Almost. As I was going to say, the grazers' primary and secondary stomachs were liquefied within velmins. The surrounding organs turned into a gelatinous goo."
"Gelatinous goo? Is that some new scientific term?" Lylia teased.
"No, but it's as good a description as any technical jargon. Anyone reading the report will understand what I mean. These animals suffered a horrible death."
"Maybe the phelo is acting as a catalyst with the tri. They don't occur together naturally, so the reaction could be creating a toxic byproduct that they aren't able to metabolize. I'd put my bet on that scenario at the moment."
Ariana nodded. "It's as good a theory as any."
"We need more information. Move six of the recorders to monitor the Spidorous field around the clock. If we can prove this particular plant is sending warnings to the rest and that
grazers recognize those signals as a potential threat, we should be able to convince Xplor that it's an evolving intelligence. Good job, Ari."
Ariana beamed at the compliment. Although ten velyars older, Lylia was her mentor and best friend. They had been on four expeditions together and had grown close. Not surprising, since Xplor tested every team candidate for compatibility. Exploratory missions were usually only a few months long, but some could last up to a year depending on distance, planet size and evolutionary stages. Researchers were encouraged to develop mental and emotional bonds during their voyages to minimize stress and prevent boredom. After each assignment they were put on a one velmon hiatus and then returned to normal lab duty for three velmons under the guise of 'Refreshering.' Everyone knew it was Xplor's way of monitoring their mental stability. If the probation period was completed without any serious violations, they were reinstated for new assignments and placed on rotation.
* * *
"Ari, have you sent Xplor our last report yet?" Lylia asked.
"For the third time, yes. Are you feeling alright?" Ariana walked over to her associate who was kneeling on one knee examining a small, feathery plant. "Where's your bio-mask?"
"I took it off. We've been here almost three velmons and have examined almost every square velin in this area. Nothing on this planet produces hazardous pollen or spores. The air quality is almost as good as what our ship's purification system produces.
The chance of inhaling something dangerous is miniscule at best."
"Miniscule is still an unacceptable risk and you know it," Ariana chided. "You've preached that to me a thousand times."
"A thousand? You're not that slow a learner," Lydia replied, giving Ariana a cheeky grin.
"I'm serious. If you don't follow protocols, how can you expect others to?"
Lylia sighed. "You're right, of course. I'll be glad when they perfect those micro-filters." Reaching for the small mask dangling below her chin, she started to pull it over her nose and mouth when Ariana stopped her.
"It's a bit late for that isn't it?" Ariana pulled her own mask down and grinned. "We're a team so what happens to you happens to me."
"Now that's not very smart," Lylia said. "If something did happen, you could return home."
"And leave you here? All alone? Not on your life! Besides, the trip back would be unbearable. I'd be bored to death, not to mention very frustrated."
"Oh, so I'm just a good lay, huh?" Lylia asked, making a wry face.
"Did I ever say you were good?" Ariana teased and then relented. "Alright, you're good. In fact you're a wonderful lover. The best there ever was. Now do you feel better?"
Rising to her feet, Lylia brushed soil off her knees and then removed her gloves.
"Assuming you're not being sarcastic, yes. And to make sure you remember that, how about we take a few velmins to prove it?"
"Now?"
Lylia nodded.
"You're joking, right?" Ariana asked.
Lylia shook her head. Her copper orange eyes darkened to an almost earthy brown, a clear sign of her arousal.
Ariana grinned. "Why not?" Stepping closer, she ran her fingers down Lylia's cheek. "But I'm not about to go primitive and do anything on the ground. There may not be anything in the air but I'm not about to chance having something crawl up my butt. I'll see you in our cabin. Give me ten velmins, though. I have a surprise for you." Ariana turned and strolled seductively toward the spacecraft, slightly exaggerating the sway of her hips. Halfway to the ship, she turned and looked back. "Oh! And make sure you arrive naked. I don't want to waste time undressing you."
* * *
Running the back of her hand down Lylia's neck, Ariana leaned forward and pressed her right cheek against Lylia's and exhaled, knowing the effect it would have on her partner. Lylia inhaled the scent of her lover's warm breath. It reminded her of
povenspice, a sweet nut seasoning used to flavor frozen desserts. She could feel her heartbeat increasing with anticipation of what was to come.
Lieran cheeks were extremely sensitive. A light caress could easily arouse the passion of the recipient if the partners were compatible. Foreplay was essential and often lasted a velhor or more; anything less was usually a sign of inexperience or disinterest. Delicate strokes to cheeks, neck and shoulders excited specialized receptors under the skin, causing the skin to produce hormonal secretions designed to enhance sexual arousal. The more released, the greater the sexual experience. Lip-to-lip contact wasn't unheard of, but rarely provided enough stimulation to make it worthwhile. Only the most experienced lover dared to kiss. Lylia was that lover.
"You know we're spending way too much time doing this?" Ariana whispered as Lylia nuzzled her right ear.
"Are you complaining?"
"No, but I do have an image to uphold."
Lylia leaned slightly backward, making eye contact with Ariana.
"What image is that?" Ariana's dark eyebrows shot up and Lylia smiled. "Oh, that image! Well, your secret is safe with me." Lylia rolled onto her back pulling Ariana close. "You know the corporation expects their researchers to interact on assignments. Even encourages it."
"I know, and I've tried to satisfy all my partners, but it always felt more like work."
"Maybe it was," Lylia said, running her fingers through Ariana's hair. "Being compatible working doesn't mean being compatible in bed. I heard rumors..."
Ariana shifted her position to stare at Lylia.
"Rumors? What kind of rumors?"
"Nothing bad. Just that you were all business, very professional and verrry task oriented. At least that's what one of your team members said. All perfectly true."
"I'm a scientist! I'm supposed to be that," Ariana said. "And who's been talking about me?"
"Of course you are. No one said it was a bad thing." Lylia's lips curled up at the corners.
"You're teasing me, aren't you?" Punching her on the shoulder, Ariana resumed her previous position. "What do you think?" she asked.
"Me? I think you're professional, task oriented, aannd a terrific lover."
Smiling, Ariana wrapped her arm around Lylia's waist and squeezed.
"Only because of you. I never knew sex could be so wonderful."
Lylia grinned.
"Like everything it has to be studied, tried and perfected. I happen to believe in practice, practice, practice."
"You make it sound so clinical. Is that what it is to you?"
"No, but that's what it took to learn the skills. And now we both reap the benefits. You get the pleasure of my expertise and I get you."
"You know if we weren't —"
"Oh, but we are," Lylia said, her voice turning slightly husky. "Enough talk though. I need more practice." Ariana rolled onto her back. "As a professional, I'm sure you agree."
"Oh, by all means, practice away."
* * *
After wrapping up their research on EVW788L, the two researchers returned home. It often took velmons or even velyars for the data to be thoroughly reviewed. If their hypothesis of the intelligent plants was accepted, they would be credited with the discovery and split a substantial reward. The EV world would be re-categorized as a SIP, making a future expedition possible sooner.
CHAPTER 4
The Present
ARIANA HAD JUST FINISHED logging in the results of her day's work when Sorelle came rushing in, clearly agitated.
"Ari, have you heard?"
"Heard what?" she asked, surprised by his sudden appearance. "And why are you still here? I thought you were leaving early today."
"I was but then I heard a tech tell another that Comm-Command lost touch with one of our research vessels. When I asked him about it he said I had misunderstood and then hurried off. I knew better. It took a while but I managed to contact a friend of mine who works in communication. She said it was true."
"What ship?"
Sorelle glanced nervously at the floor and then looked up.
"The Rondal."
"Lylia and Louai's ship?"
Sorelle nodded. "They haven't filed a report in the last seventy-eight velhors and Comm-Command can't get a response from them or the emergency response system."
"It must be an equipment failure. We have too many fail-safes for it to be anything else." Ariana yanked off her lab coat and pulled on her jacket.
"Where are you going?" Sorelle asked.
"To see what I can find out."
"You can't. Command doesn't want anyone to know about this yet."
"I don't care what they want," Ariana declared. "If Lylia's involved, I —"
Sorelle grabbed her arm. "Listen, Ari, that information was given to me in confidence. If you start asking questions they'll want to know where you heard this. She'll lose her job. Wait a bit longer. They're not going to be able to keep this quiet more than a few velhors. They have to notify Sec-Central after eighty-four velhors and... well, there's really nothing you can do for now. Besides, didn't Lylia mention weather issues in her last communication to you? Maybe it's just a natural interference."
"Maybe, and maybe it's something more serious. Another six velhors of not knowing is too long. I'm not waiting —"
"Please, Ari. You know I'm right. Besides, if you appear too distressed over this they'll send you home. It's a minimum one velwek leave for anyone labeled emotionally unstable. Do you want that?"
Shaking her head, Ariana realized Sorelle was right. The corporation knew individuals developed emotional attachments that lasted well beyond their research assignments. It was to be
expected and deemed acceptable, as long as it didn't interfere with their work.
"What am I supposed to do, Sorelle? If something's happened to Lylia..."
"...then you'll want to be on the rescue team. You've already been reinstated to active flight status and with your record you should get preferential consideration. Do this right and you can request the assignment. If they think you're too emotionally involved they'll refuse you." Taking Ariana by the shoulders, Sorelle pushed her down onto her stool. "You know I'm right." She did. "Wait. If or when they confirm something is wrong, then do what you have to."
Ariana nodded and sighed. Sorelle was right. "Thank you." Leaning her head against his shoulder she closed her eyes for a few seconds.
* * *
Geora Moulara, Xplor's chief security officer, stared at the report on his desk. The EVW984L research team hadn't updated their status in the last eighty-six velhors. All attempts at communicating with the vessel or the crew had been unsuccessful. Corporate policy required they wait an additional twelve velhors before launching a rescue ship. That wasn't very much time to make the proper preparations. If anyone but their top scientist had been on the team, they could wait even longer. Lylia's safety was too important to ignore.
"They should never allow our best researchers on these missions," he grumbled. "Who do we have capable enough to
lead a rescue mission?" he asked his executive officer.
Jamana Rebera handed him the list. "We have seventeen experienced pilots on the active list and twenty-three navigators. Seven med-personnel are qualified for rescue but none have been off-planet. We should also include someone with a micro-bio background just in case."
"I agree. The last thing we need is another virus or bacteria making its way back here. The last time that happened it took velyars before we paid off all the claims."
"Not to mention our exploration program was almost legislated out of existence," Jamana added. "The public would demand it this time, especially if something —"
"Exactly! We need to make sure the members of the rescue team are discreet and trustworthy. The company's interests are the priority," Geora said.
"I understand. I'll review each one's file."
Geora nodded and dismissed Jamana.
* * *
Commander Rebera carefully examined the woman in front of him and then reviewed the data on the monitor to his left.
"Miss Colorun, I see you volunteered for this mission. Why?"
Ariana had never met Security's second-in-command but had heard a lot about him. The most important thing was that he was
a company man. That meant he cared nothing about her personal relationship with Lylia, and frankly she preferred it that way.
"I believe I have the best credentials and am the most qualified to lead this expedition," she replied. "I'm an experienced pilot, navigator and hold degrees in multiple bio specialties. I'm also a trained med tech."
"You think highly of yourself, Miss Colorun," Jamana said, sounding slightly sarcastic.
"If by that you mean I recognize my worth then yes, and so does Xplor. I don't think I need to remind you that I've received several bonuses and awards from the corporation. And one planet is being upgraded to SIP because of my work. Xplor has profited enormously from my skills and knowledge."
"I'm aware of your work and the significance of that to Xplor. It's my understanding that Lylia Teylra was your research companion on that SIP mission. Does that have anything to do with your request?"
"Of course, Commander Rebera. Lylia is a great scientist as well as my mentor. If something happened to her it would be a tremendous loss to Xplor, myself and future scientists in this company."
"Yourself, meaning from an emotional standpoint or scientific?" Jamana asked, leaning back in his chair while giving her a hard look.
"First and foremost, scientific. Although I won't deny that I like Lylia. She's intelligent, professional and competent. As for
the emotional standpoint, as you put it, while we are sexually compatible I have no strong emotional attachment to her. I'm sexually compatible with many team members."
"That's good! I'd have to deny your request if I thought you were in love with her. You understand. Company policy prohibits —"
"I'm aware of company policy. I assure you, Commander, my concern is the loss to Xplor. My libido can be more than satisfied by any number of choices available."
"I can well imagine." The commander's eyes roamed up and down her body in a detached way. "Your experience means I won't need to assign more than three people to this mission. Since you'll be leading it, do you have any preferences for the navigator and bio-specialist assistant?"
"Navigator, no. As for my assistant, I'd like Sorelle Laeren. We work well together."
Jamana scrolled through the list of active personnel and frowned.
"Laeren. I don't see his name on any of my lists."
"He isn't on the active list," Ariana said.
"Miss Colorun, you know I can't approve of anyone —"
"Commander, we both know Xplor will want this mission to be carried out as discreetly as possible. Sorelle has no family members or friends that will ask questions or demand compensation if something goes wrong. He's an excellent
scientist who's about to retire without having been off-planet even once. In other words, he'll do anything asked of him for this opportunity and keep his mouth shut afterward. Besides, he's the only one I'd trust to follow my instructions to the letter should we find it impossible to return home... if you know what I mean."
Jamana knew exactly what she meant.
"All good points. As long as he understands the complexity of the situation I'll approve him, but I'm holding you responsible if something goes wrong."
"Captains are always held responsible, Commander," Ariana said and stood to leave. "I don't care who you get for the
navigator. Everyone on the list is competent. Is that all?"
"For now," Jamana said, feeling he had just been dismissed. "Be prepared to leave in seven velhors."
Ariana tipped her head slightly, acknowledging the order, and left the room without looking back. Jamana activated the vidscreen, opening a link to his boss to update him on the status of the rescue mission.
CHAPTER 5
"I'M WHAT?"
"You heard me. Get packed. We leave in less than seven velhors," Ariana said. The excitement on Sorelle's face was priceless.
"But I'm not even active! I'm too old..."
"Sorelle, do you want to go on this mission or not?"
"Of course I do! I've dreamed of this all my life."
"Then get packed and meet me at launch bay four in two velhors. I'll explain everything then, but keep this to yourself. No one, not even your friend in communications, is to know you're going. Is that understood?" He nodded. "And Sorelle, I told Commander Rebera you were the only one I trusted to follow my orders without question. You understand, right?"
Giving her a questioning look, he hesitated and then realized what she meant.
"We may not return home."
"That's always been a possibility on research assignments. Normally, we think it's because we'll have no choice, but there might be one. I need to know that if I say we can't, for whatever reason, you'll back me all the way."
"You have my word, Ari. And... well, thank you." Sorelle hurried from the lab, his excitement obvious by a youthful stride he hadn't exhibited in many velyars.
* * *
Ariana, Sorelle and pilot/navigator Clieron completed their pre-flight checkup. Their departure was scheduled in two-point-three velhors. The shuttle had dropped them off at the space terminal orbiting Liera. Xplor had assigned their fastest ship in the fleet, the Zayon. Larger than the standard research vessel, it provided sleeping quarters for seven as well as a small lounge and kitchen. Crew members had the choice of eating pre-prepared nutritional items or making their own meals from concentrates stored in the food lockers.
The control center was positioned in a small dome mounted in the middle of the ship. Several crystalline windows gave the crew a 360-degree upper view of their surroundings while vids and sensors monitored everything beneath the belly of the craft. The outer skin of the body was made from a dense silver mineral mined from the Lieran moons. Virtually impenetrable, it provided the protection needed to withstand high-speed particle impacts during space travel. Absorbent photon shields captured intergalactic low-level light emissions from distant stars, converting the weakened beams into energy for propulsion, ship operations and life support. Space travel was no longer restricted to fuel consumption and capacity. Millions of stars provided an unlimited source from the light spectrum.
* * *
"What do we know about EVW984L?" Ariana asked, spinning in her chair to look at her two companions.
"For one thing, it's going to take us less than a velmon to reach it, which is considerably faster than one of the regular ships. Xplor must really be concerned about something if they gave us their newest prototype," Clieron said.
"Have you any experience with this model?" Sorelle asked nervously.
"I've taken it for a few test drives. That's probably why I was assigned to the mission. There were a few glitches but I was told they were worked out."
"Glitches? Like what?"
"Relax, Sorelle," Ariana said. "New technologies always have a few problems. You can bet if it was something to worry about we wouldn't be here. The company's not going to risk losing one of their most expensive investments."
"Exactly!" Clieron agreed. "Now, back to your question. Xplor's been monitoring EVW984L's evolutionary progress for almost ten thousand velyars. They think it has the potential to be upgraded to an SIP based on data sent from the most recent UEV. Personally I'm not too hyped about the new unmanned exploratory vessels, but they do save money. Anyway, Lylia and Louai were sent to collect additional information. You know Corp policy... monitor, monitor, verify, verify, verify. Makes me wonder why they don't get rid of all the UEVs and just send the teams. All the technology in the world isn't as good as old-fashioned hands-on explorations."
"Spoken like a true navigator," Ariana said. "If you're so into old fashioned, why aren't you piloting one of those old buckets the supply companies use? Some of them still use compression drive systems. That's as old as it gets."
Clieron laughed.
"I'm talking science stuff not transport. Technology is great for getting us from system to system, but the vessels still need good navigators and pilots."
"And you're a good navigator I suppose," Ariana quipped.
"Absolutely, and a great pilot! That's why I'll get us to our destination quicker. I can plot the best gravitational pulls for slinging and how to avoid starstorms. Now do you want to take us out of here or should I?"
"You do it. I'm familiar with the system but haven't actually tested this model. Sorelle and I need to review the reports the research team transmitted. Hopefully they'll give us insight into what happened."
"Forewarned being forearmed," Clieron said and turned his attention to the control panels.
"Something like that."
* * *
Sorelle and Ariana spent most of their time reviewing all the data Lylia and Louai had forwarded to Xplor. The reports were typically uneventful, focusing on the life, topography and climate. From everything Ariana and Sorelle could determine,
the EVW appeared relatively benign with few predators and mild temperatures. If the data was accurate the planet was actually boring, a researcher's worst nightmare.
"So far I've found nothing in their reports that raise serious concerns," Sorelle said. "This EV is unusually favorable for exploration."
"I know... uncomfortably so. It sounds too good to be true. Knowing Lylia, she was probably bored to death on this assignment."
"Not every planet needs to be exciting to be interesting. I
think this would be a perfect place to explore, especially for a beginner. Besides, there has to be a few propitious planets amongst the millions of stars."
"Propitious?" Ariana laughed.
Sorelle blushed, lowering his gaze. "You know what I mean."
"Yes." Patting Sorelle on the arm, Ariana smiled fondly at her companion. He often used unusual words to describe things. "It's a good thing we stopped the colonization program. This one sounds like a prime candidate to settle. Temperate climates and an abundance of life are irresistible. Anyway, there's nothing in their reports to indicate a problem. They were scheduled to return home three veldans after the last transmission. Whatever happened, it came about suddenly."
"It could be just a communication issue," Sorelle said. "The weather or something."
Ariana knew better. The chance of that was zero. Weather could be a factor for a short time but not this long. Each Xplor vessel had multiple independently operated technologies for the transmission and reception of voice, image and data, not to mention a redundant backup system. Theoretically, a total failure could only occur if a ship was instantly destroyed, an unlikely event. Onboard sensors analyzed potential threats and automatically took evasive actions. The data was transmitted to Xplor where the information was processed, stored and uploaded to the rest of the fleet for future reference. Ariana shook her head.
"No. I have a feeling it's something worse."
* * *
"Ariana!"
Ariana swiped at the hand shaking her shoulder.
"Ariana! We're almost to 984L. Do you want primary or secondary seat?" Clieron asked. Xplor regulations required two crew members to be at the controls during landings. It was normally the most dangerous part of the flight.
"Second is fine." Ariana rubbed her eyes and sat up. "How long before we reach the planet?"
"You mean how many times have we circled it?" Clieron teased. "I thought we should do a few orbital scans to see what we're getting into."
"And?"
"And so far nothing that raises any concerns. A few storms, but nothing to worry about. Atmosphere is similar to Liera. Like the reports said, temperature and climate are moderate. I've located the Rondal. We should be able to put our ship down near enough to reach her quickly. I still have to go over the landing protocols with you and transmit the data to Xplor for final authorization."
"Great job, Clieron." Ariana pulled on her boots and went to find Sorelle. She knew he would want to be awake to experience his first off-world landing.
* * *
"Make sure your bio-grav is activated," Clieron said, glancing momentarily at Sorelle.
"It's on," Sorelle replied.
"What color is the light?"
Sorelle sighed. "Green. I know how to operate bio-gravs."
"He's just doing his job," Ariana cut in. "Anything can happen during our approach. If something goes wrong, we don't need you flying around the cabin slamming into us or the equipment or being injured. You're no use to me if you can't work."
"Sorry," Sorelle apologized.
Ariana nodded her acceptance of the apology. Her tone probably sounded a bit harsh but neither she nor Clieron would
be able to assist the scientist if there was a problem. They would be locked into their own seats until touchdown.
"Repositioning for final approach, vector 103A... altitude 7545, attitude 180, rotation 2 degrees, 2 velsec intervals, slowing descent," Clieron said. "Altitude 6899 at 150... rotation 5 degrees at 4 velsecs."
"Slow rotation to 3 degrees and maintain 4 velsecs," Ariana said.
"I thought I had primary. Slowing rotation to 3 at 4 velsecs." Clieron glanced up from the controls and made eye contact with Ariana. "Are you assuming the controls?"
"Sorry," she replied. "Continue."
"Altitude 3400, attitude 90 positioned for landing. Touchdown in 13 velsecs. 10... 9... 8..."
A slight shudder shook the ship as the three anti-grav boosters activated, creating a magnetic field similar to but
slightly less than the planet's own geo-magnetic energy. As the ship descended, the strength of the field decreased while the gravitational pull increased, allowing the vessel to sink until it settled softly on the surface.
"Touchdown complete. Shutdown phase initiated," Clieron announced, pressing several buttons on the console around him. "Sensors indicate atmosphere quality is good. We won't need enhancement gear."
"What's the weather like outside?" Ariana asked, turning to Sorelle.
"85 veldegres. Slightly cloudy. No unusual weather activity. The sun will be setting in about three velhors. We should wait until morning before going outside."
"I agree. Scan the area. Nothing in the reports indicate serious threats on this EV but we can't be sure. Also activate the perimeter defense. Better safe than sorry. And instruct Comm to transmit our ID and location every five velmins. If the Rondal's Comm is working, it might respond."
"Do you want me to stand watch?"
Ariana shook her head.
"The defense system should be adequate. Get some rest. Tomorrow we'll locate the Rondal and check it out."
CHAPTER 6
CLIERON HAD DONE an excellent job of setting the Zayon near the Rondal, thanks to the coordinates provided by Xplor. The vessel was resting in a small clearing only a two-point-one velhor trek from the rescue ship. Vines covered the hull while tall, waist-high grasses surrounded it. It was almost invisible to the naked eye.
"The protective shields must be deactivated. They'd have prevented that," Clieron said.
"It's protocol," Ariana. "Researchers are required to keep as small a footprint as possible. The unnecessary destruction of plant life is unacceptable. Lylia is a stickler for following regulations."
"Protocol or not, Xplor wouldn't want those things growing like that," Clieron replied. "Where do you want to start? The ship or the surrounding area?"
"The ship. Whatever went wrong, that should be the safest place."
"Ship it is." Pressing a button on his datavid, he spoke into a voice sensor. "Zayon, open main door to Rondal."
"Opening Rondal main door," a female voice responded.
"Thank you, Zayon."
Clieron, Sorelle and Ariana watched the ship's door as it lowered to the ground providing a ramp for them to walk up.
"You two stay here," Ariana said. "I'll check inside."
"Do you think that's wise?" Sorelle asked. "What if —"
"We don't jeopardize all of us at one time. If something happens to me, someone has to let Xplor know what's going on."
* * *
The lights inside the Rondal eased on as Ariana progressed toward the control room. She had checked the sleeping quarters, galley and supply rooms. Nothing appeared out of order, except for the missing crew.
Where are you, Lylia? she thought. What happened here?
The answer was obvious. Nothing had happened. The ship was on emergency lockdown but not because of anything occurring from within. A quick review of the last recorded data indicated an approaching storm that day but nothing else. Ariana would have to search elsewhere. The prospect of Lylia and Louai being alive was disappearing quickly. Activating her datavid, she informed Clieron and Sorelle of her findings.
"Lock her up," she said, walking over to where the two men were standing.
"Nothing?" Clieron asked.
Ariana shook her head.
"Everything inside is in order. The last log entry showed a storm approaching. Maybe they were caught outside and couldn't get back. Has Zayon picked up any life signs yet?"
"No, nothing Lieran, anyway. There are several indigenous species moving around the area but nothing that I'd call a threat. A few hundred velmets to the east is a herd of grazers, something Louai was more interested in than Lylia, according to the reports," Sorelle said.
"Anything in the other directions?"
"Not really. More clearings and forests. A small mountain range but that's a three veldan walk. I doubt they'd travel that far from the ship."
"Not without a rover, and this explorer model isn't big enough to carry one. Lylia wouldn't want to be that far away from home base. I don't know about Louai."
Sorelle checked the researcher's bio.
"She's been reprimanded and suspended before. If Lylia hadn't specifically asked for her she'd probably be released from her contract."
"Lylia wouldn't ask for her if she wasn't good at her job," Ariana said.
"That doesn't make her a poster child," Sorelle replied. "She's broken a few regs recently."
"Haven't we all?"
"Ari, I'm not attacking the woman's credentials. Of course she would be good at what she does, but she has an undeniable history."
Closing her eyes, Ariana took a deep breath. Sorelle was right. Why she wanted to defend someone she'd never met she didn't know.
"All right! Let's assume Louai is somewhat of a wild child. Lylia is usually a by-the-book person. Even if she goes off regs once in a while, she's not going to do anything to risk her companion or herself."
"She wouldn't have to, but there's always the chance of something going wrong, including a team member being a little... overenthusiastic. Like you said, whatever happened here wasn't on the ship. That means we investigate the surrounding area," Sorelle said.
Clieron, who had been listening to the discussion, nodded in agreement.
"I suggest we base from here. The Rondal is equipped with everything we need. It'll save us about a half-veldan of travel time."
"Good idea," Ariana said. "Open her up again. We'll get Environ up and running, cook a meal and then take a quick look around."
"Might be better if we wait until morning," Sorelle said. "Night's only a few velhors away. We can look over the logs and see if there's any information in Lylia's or Louai's personal files." Anticipating Ariana's objection, he held up his right hand. "I know! I don't like the idea either but we don't have a choice. It might give us some insight into what went wrong. If it makes you feel better, you check the personal stuff and I'll go over the scientific data."
* * *
Ariana spent half the night watching the two researchers' personal vids. Seeing Lylia, hearing her voice, brought memories rushing back of their expedition to EVW788L. The last recording brought tears to her eyes.
Lylia had apparently just finished her shower and was stretched out on the bed relaxing, a sheet partially concealing her nude body from the vid. Louai was sleeping next to her.
"Personal log — Lylia, ID XP4986." Lylia gave the date. It was almost three velmons ago. "Well, we'll be heading home soon. Louai and I have categorized about everything on this planet... at least it feels that way. So far I've found nothing to get too excited about. Louai disagrees. Young people have a way of seeing something in nothing. She's a good scientist. Maybe a little too enthusiastic at times but she's accurate and precise. One day she might be as good as Ariana." Lylia stopped talking for a moment. Her face took on an almost longing expression. "I miss her. If there's one person I would spend the rest of my life with it would be her. But long-term relationships between researchers are frowned upon by the company. One of us would have to resign our flight status. I know it's selfish but I've decided I'm not ready for that. I'm going to turn down Xplor's offer to teach. I haven't told anyone yet. Ariana should be scheduled for a new assignment by the time we return. Maybe already gone. I hope not. I'd like to see her before she leaves. I want to ask her something." Lylia glanced at Louai's sleeping form and then at the clock. "I guess it can wait. I'm tired. Tomorrow's another day. End Personal log. Lylia, ID XP4986."
* * *
Breakfast was a quiet event. Ariana was still thinking about Lylia's last log entry. She wondered what Lylia had wanted to ask her.
"I didn't find anything in the ship's log," Clieron offered,
deciding to break the silence. "Either of you?"
Sorelle shook his head.
"Nothing indicating a problem. They received authorization to terminate the research program and head home."
"Lylia said the same thing in her last entry."
"Nothing else?" Sorelle asked.
"No. They mostly talked about personal things."
"You know, if the Rondal is retrieved, Xplor is going to go through those logs," Clieron said. "If they were my personal thoughts, I wouldn't want that."
"If you were dead, it wouldn't matter," Ariana replied. "But I know what you mean. There's nothing we can do about that now. Let's set up a grid search. Configure the sensors for one hundred velmets, point-two-five width and depth. It should pick up any anomaly not natural to this planet based on existing data."
"Yeah, but what about what is natural?" Clieron asked.
"We're looking for signs of Lylia and Louai right now. Any threat we'll handle if it happens."
"You know that narrow a search parameter could take a while. If we expand it in increments of five percent after each sweep, it'll cut down the time by seventy percent and accomplish the same thing," Clieron advised. "It'll pick up large objects. If we don't find anything then, we can always reduce the specs."
"How long will it take?"
"I'll have the data in less than two velhors."
CHAPTER 7
"FIND ANYTHING?" Ariana asked, leaning over Clieron's shoulder to look at the holographic image of the gridded topography around the Rondal.
"There are fifteen objects within the specified parameters. I've managed to identify all but two." Clieron pointed to each square with flashing ID codes. "Those are research equipment. Some are storage containers. Four are monitors. These two are datavids. They belong to Louai and Lylia. Both haven't been active for quite awhile... and those two things I can't figure out. They aren't tagged. Xplor is anal about putting trackers on its property so nothing gets left behind."
"Could they be bodies?" Sorelle asked.
"No. There's no biological readings. Even if they were dead, we'd get something."
"Lock in the coordinates and let's check it out," Ariana said, ignoring the last comment. Whatever it is, it doesn't belong here."
* * *
As they approached the unidentified objects, a swarm of black-and-golden butterflies rose into the air, creating a kaleidoscope of color and movement. The three rescuers stood mesmerized until the horde disappeared into the forests on the far side of the clearing.
"Beautiful animals," Clieron said. "I've never seen so many in one place before."
"It's actually a common occurrence," Ariana replied. "Butterflies seem to be one of those species that evolve as colony or communal creatures, no matter what planet we find them on. There's no reason to think this place would be any different."
"That's probably why the log didn't reference any," Sorelle said. "Although I'd have thought they'd have at least gotten a small honorable mention."
"And that's the problem with you scientists. You're so busy dissecting life you stop living it. If I saw this a thousand times I'd feel special. But then I'm just a pilot." Clieron shook his head and walked away.
"What's with him?" Sorelle asked.
Ariana shrugged.
"Beats me. Maybe he's never seen a cluster before. You're right, though. I didn't see anything in the logs I reviewed."
"Maybe they're mentioned in the earlier ones. It's really not important," Sorelle said.
* * *
Green and silver were the designated colors of Xplor's research department. Ariana stared at the material barely visible amongst the tall grass. Had it not been for the coordinates provided by the Rondal, they'd have never found the two uniforms.
"This doesn't make sense," Sorelle said. "Why would they take their clothes off out here?"
"They wouldn't. It'd be too risky and completely against company policy."
"Everyone breaks the regs sometimes, even the Lylias of the world." When Ariana glared at him, Sorelle held up his hands as if to ward her off. "Hey, the truth is the truth. We scientists are supposed to be open-minded. Consider all possibilities."
"Lylia may break a rule now and then but she'd never go outside naked! This is a ridiculous conversation."
"Point taken. So what explanation would you give for their uniforms being out here?"
"Maybe an animal dragged it out."
"Before or after they locked down the Rondal?" Sorelle asked. "Listen, Ariana, it's really not important how these clothes got here. The fact that they are is the problem."
Ariana knew Sorelle was right.
"I know. There has to be a logical explanation. If we run an analysis —"
"That doesn't take two people," Sorelle cut in. "I'll do that while you and Clieron continue looking around. Maybe you'll find something else that can help us determine what happened to Lylia and Louai.
Clieron, who had been standing quietly to the side listening, touched Ariana's shoulder.
"I'll go back to the Rondal and expand the search grid while you two work on separating the uniforms from the overgrowth. Personally, I'd just rip them up. It may damage some grass or bugs, but under these circumstances we don't have time to worry about Xplor's concerns for flora and fauna. As hard as it is to hear, we have to assume Lylia and Louai are dead. Now we need to know what happened to them and could it happen to us."
After Clieron left, Sorelle and Ariana examined the uniforms, trying to determine the best way to extract them from the tangled growth. As scientists they were repulsed at the thought of just ripping the items away from the clutches of the indigenous grasses. Eventually they decided Clieron was right.
"You grab the sleeves and I'll take the legs," Ariana said. On the count of three they yanked hard. Slowly the tenacious plants released their grip until it was finally free. "One more."
"Thankfully." Sorelle rubbed his lower back. "I'm too old for this type of work."
Laughing, Ariana shook her head.
"I thought you wanted to be an off-planet researcher."
"I just changed my mind. No one told me field techs had to do heavy lifting," he grumbled.
"Heavy lifting?"
Sorelle gave her a sheepish grin, walked over to the other uniform and grabbed the legs.
"For me. I'm the cerebral type. Come on, let's get this over with. The sooner I get them to the lab, the sooner we may have some answers. I'll send Clieron back out to help you play explorer," he teased. When Ariana frowned, Sorelle's tone turned serious. "Sorry, Ari. I know this is hard but we can't let it get to us."
"You're right. Tell Clieron I'm going to check over there," she said, pointing toward the east. "The scanner shows a large clearing. That would be where Lylia and Louai would focus their research — the best possibility for finding the greatest number of diversity is in open spaces."
CHAPTER 8
FOR FIVE VELDANS, the team searched the surrounding area within a half veldan walking range of the Rondal. Extended exploration probably wouldn't turn up any more than the sensor probes.
"Where's Clieron?" Ariana asked Sorelle after returning from another search of the area where the garments were found.
"Xplor sent an update request. He's talking with Jamana."
"Have you found anything on the uniforms that can help us?"
Clieron shrugged. "Just grass, roots, seeds and primitive life forms. A lot of caterpillars. I was actually surprised at the quantity. I gathered all the live ones up and took them outside. No reason to kill the locals."
"And nothing unusual about the clothing?"
"Nothing that tells me anything. The fibers were stressed."
"Stressed how?" Ariana asked.
"Stretched beyond design limitations."
"What would cause that?"
Sorelle shrugged.
"I don't know. Another thing. There's no DNA trace on either suit."
"Bacteria activity could account for that. Being exposed to the elements for a long time would degrade bio-matter. So basically they aren't much help."
"None at all," Sorelle said. "It's almost as if Lylia and Louai had carried these clothes outside to throw away."
"Which they wouldn't do unless —"
"— unless something affected their minds," Sorelle finished. "And if that happened they could have removed their clothing and wandered off."
Ariana didn't like where the discussion was going, but as a scientist she had to consider all the possibilities.
"Let's say you're right. That means they were affected by the same thing. Maybe a virus or a bacteria."
"The micro-filters would prevent any inhalation."
"Theoretically! This is a new world. We can't be sure the filter works on all viruses or bacteria. Nothing's fool-proof."
"That would mean we might be infected," Sorelle said, frowning at the thought.
"We might be if it's airborne. On the other hand, they could have come in contact with something. The problem is there are hundreds of scenarios that we could think of and still be wrong."
"So what now?"
"I don't know. Other than the stressed fibers, we have nothing. No bodies, no anomalies, no nothing. It's like they just disappeared. I don't know...."
Clieron strode into the room looking frustrated.
"Jamana wants us to wrap this up. Xplor thinks it's a waste of their resources. It seems losing two researchers, even their top one, isn't as important as recovering the Rondal and all their equipment."
"That doesn't make sense. We could be infected and the ship contaminated. The regulations say —"
"Xplor doesn't care. I told them about that possibility. We've been ordered to fly the Rondal home. A crew is being sent to recover the Zayon. Jamana said if we're infected, we'll show symptoms before we make it back to the base station and they'll deal with it then."
"Deal with it my ass," Sorelle said. "We're as expendable as Lylia and Louai. All they want are the ships back. If we die, they'll eject us into space and decontaminate the Rondal."
"That's actually pretty much what Jamana told me. Of course, we'd receive posthumous recognition and our families would receive survivor benefits and any bonuses we're due."
Ariana rolled her eyes and laughed.
"That's nice to know. Any of you have family? I don't." Clieron and Sorelle shook their heads. "Good, because if I'm infected, it'll be over my dead body before Xplor gets this ship.
They can't decontaminate something if they don't know what the problem is. And I don't feel the least loyal to them if they can throw us away so easily."
"You realize once we take off, Comm will take over automatically if we become incapacitated. The computers are programmed with a failsafe for that type of emergency."
"Well, you know how these systems were designed. There must be a way to deactivate the thing," Ariana said.
"Oh I know exactly what to do. I'll have to destroy a few sensors. Once that's done, they can't be repaired or bypassed. Before I do that we'd better be sure of our decision."
Ariana looked at Sorelle.
"It's all or nothing," she said.
"When you first asked me to be part of the team you said I might have to make the hard choice," he replied. "So far I haven't had to. This one isn't either. We might as well begin stowing all the equipment. Those storage containers outside will need to be decontaminated before we bring them inside. No use taking any more chances than necessary."
"We should retrieve our personal stuff from the Zayon first," Clieron added. "I'm not leaving my logs or things behind for someone else to rummage through."
"That's not a good idea. If we are infected, we could contaminate the Zayon," Sorelle said.
Clieron shrugged indifferently.
"Not my problem. I'll prepare a final emergency transmission to be sent prior to any action we take if we have to destroy the Rondal. It'll say we're infected and are taking appropriate action in accordance with Lieran interplanetary exploration protocols and advise the Lieran Interplanetary Council to designate the Zayon and this place off-limits. They won't allow Xplor near this planet for the next five-thousand velyars."
"Let's go then. We can be back by late afternoon," Ariana said, standing. "I wish we could do more for Lylia and Louai. All the years of dedication Lylia gave to Xplor and they're only willing to spend a few veldans trying to find —" Her voice cracked from unshed tears.
Seeing her distress, Sorelle put his arm around her shoulders.
"We've always known the company is all about profit. That makes everyone dispensable."
* * *
It had taken the three Lierans longer than expected to get to the Zayon, gather their personal belongings and return to the Rondal. A herd of grazers had wandered into one of the meadows between them and their destination. Not wanting to disrupt the animals' routine, they waited on the perimeter of the clearing.
"I like this world," Sorelle said, resting his butt against a fallen tree. "It's peaceful, not hectic like home."
"It's all right." Clieron looked around. "But I'd go nuts having to spend velmons here. I don't know how you exploratory scientists don't get bored."
When a small yellow butterfly drifted past them, almost within arm's reach, they followed its slow movements with their eyes. It flitted from one flower to another, delicately sampling the different nectars.
"They're such fascinating insects," Ariana said. "One of the few species we see that varies little from planet to planet." Standing, she brushed off her uniform. "Looks like the grazers are moving on."
* * *
All of the containers but two had been moved into the storage areas and secured. Ariana and Sorelle volunteered to get them while Clieron examined the Rondal's exterior, making sure there were no vines covering the vessel.
"Everything's clear," Clieron said. "Once you get that stuff inside we can leave."
Picking up one box, Ariana turned toward the ship when she heard Sorelle gasp.
"Look!" He pointed toward a spot near the edge of the forest. Two white butterflies soared into the air. The sun's rays reflected off their wings, giving them an almost golden aura. "Too bad I'm a scientist," Sorelle said wistfully. Ariana gave him a strange look. "They seem almost magical, and we both know there's no such thing."
"One of the banes of believing there's a logical explanation for everything," Ariana agreed. Hefting the container a little higher, she and the others walked up the ramp. The door closed and within velmins, the earth shook as the Rondal lifted into the air.
EPILOGUE
Commander Jamana Rebera wasn't happy. He had just received a report that the Rondal was missing. The unfortunate messenger was standing nervously at attention while the chief security officer paced back and forth in a vain attempt to calm his anger.
"Ships just don't go missing. There are too many failsafes for that."
"Our engineers said the same thing. They think it's a computer glitch and are attempting to do a manual override of the Rondal's Comm system."
"Don't you have to be in communication with the computer to do that?" Jamana demanded.
"Ummm, well, technically, yes, but..."
"Technically? Isn't technically all that matters? Who the hell are you, anyway?"
"I'm Comm Supervisor Faleon."
"Well Comm Supervisor Faleon, I don't want to hear about glitches or technicallys or manual overrides. I want a straight answer. Do you believe the Rondal is still out there in one piece?"
"Commander, we lost contact with the vessel while it was passing through the Wyndnor Quadrant. At the time, there were three starstorms converging at the vector pre-programmed for their return trip. When Comm tried to contact the Rondal for a reroute, we received no response. That was eighteen velhors ago.
I believe our transmissions were interrupted by the starstorms and that the Rondal was caught in the convergence and destroyed."
"That's too bad. How long before our recovery team reaches the Zayon?"
"Fifteen veldans."
"Good! Let me know as soon as it touches down. And Faleon, if the Council catches wind of any of this before we retrieve the Zayon, it's your ass on the line. Understand?"
"Understood, sir."
"Good! Now get back to work?"
"Yes, Commander."
After Faleon left, Jamana settled down in his chair and smiled smugly. If everything went according to plans, once the Zayon was recovered, EVW984L would be declared off limits to further exploration. It would then be eligible for colonization under a new program Xplor was developing in secrecy. The company's profits would more than double in less than five velyars and by the time word got out, the Council wouldn't be able to do anything to Xplor other than issue a reprimand.
"I might even be in charge of the new colony's Council," Jamana said, looking around his office and smiling smugly. "And it'll be goodbye to this place."
KISS OF THE BUTTERFLY
Prologue
SUZE MCMURPHY WAS STILL able to maintain a quality of life most elderly could only dream of. At seventy-five, she was independent, physically healthy and mentally sound; an inspiration to the people that knew and cared about her. Sadly, the same couldn't be said for her partner, Jen Stone, who was only sixty-eight. Diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's disease several years earlier, Jen was frail and now suffered from dementia. Suze didn't accept the neurologist's diagnosis. Doctors didn't know everything, although some thought they did; especially one in particular. When he tried to convince Suze she was too close to Jen to recognize the early warning signs, she wasted no time telling him what he could do to himself. Her suggestion wasn't nice, but it did bring a lot of smirks from the doctor's staff. Most of them secretly applauded her recommendation.
CHAPTER 1
A Day
MORNINGS WERE PERHAPS the worst part of the day. Getting Jen to wake up could be difficult because of how soundly she slept.
"Wake up, sweetie," Suze said, gently shaking Jen's shoulder. "It's time to get up."
One eye opened slowly, looked around and then closed. "Oh no!"
"Come on Jen, you have to get up." Suze picked up a small brown teddy bear that Jen liked to hold and put it on the stand next to the bed. When she tried to pull the comforter back, Jen clutched it tightly with both hands. For someone who looked so frail, Jen had a strong grip.
"Go away! Leave me alone!" Jen replied angrily.
It's going to be one of those days, Suze thought. "Turn loose, sweetie." She pried the fingers back, snatched the blanket away and tossed it to the side. Then she picked up a pair of lavender slippers off the floor and slipped them onto Jen's feet. "I've made your favorite breakfast, maple flavored oatmeal. It'll get cold if you don't get up right now."
"Oh all right!"
"Thank you." Suze helped Jen to her feet. "Let's go to the bathroom first. Here's your robe."
Breakfast was a slow, tedious process. Normally Jen could feed herself. Occasionally Suze had to help because of Jen's palsy or stubbornness, but the main reason was the terrible disease that was slowly and irrevocably destroying her life-partner's brain.
Once she finished her meal, Jen wandered into the bedroom and rifled through her dresser drawers. She would begin by taking out her stockings. Unrolling a pair she examined each sock, neatly pressed them back together and meticulously rolled them back up. Assured everything was as it should be, she checked the next drawer and the next. Every article of clothing was carefully scrutinized. The process took almost an hour.
The rest of the day Jen moved around the house picking things up, putting them down, watching television or napping. On particularly good days, she and Suze would sit and talk. Generally it was about nothing but neither cared; Jen because she couldn't and Suze because she had no choice. Nothing was better than the meaningless monologues that Jen was having with herself more and more often.
* * *
"Here you go," Suze said, placing a bowl of homemade chicken noodle soup on the table. "Do you need any help?"
Jen looked at the steaming brew for a few seconds and then reached for the spoon lying on the napkin. "I may be forgetful but I'm not an invalid," she grumped. Her hand shook from the palsy she had developed in her early 60s.
Recognizing that Jen was going through a mood swing, Suze
decided discretion was the better tactic.
"Sorry. I don't know what I was thinking when I asked that."
"Neither do I. You act like I'm a damn retard or something," Jen said.
"Now that's not true and you know it. I was concerned that your palsy may be acting up a bit. I added extra noodles so you could use your fork if you wanted to."
"Well, I don't need a damn fork and my hands are as steady as they ever were." To prove her point Jen held her hands out for Suze to inspect. They trembled uncontrollably. "See! They're fine. I'm fine. Now can I just eat or do you want to chew my food for me too?"
Suze sighed.
"No. You wouldn't like the way I chewed it."
Jen glanced up at her partner of eighteen years. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously and then widened. A twinkle appeared, followed by a big grin. Wrinkled cheeks creased, exposing two linear shaped dimples on each side of her mouth.
"I can be such a bitch," she said and then began eating her soup. "Where's the pepper? You know how much I like pepper."
"Yes, and I know how you hate it when I put it on your food." Suze pointed to the small shaker a few inches away. "Let me know if that's enough."
Jen gave a soft snort. Hand shaking wildly she scattered the small black particles on her food and the table. "At least this
palsy's good for something. I don't have to work hard getting the stuff out of the bottle."
Suze chuckled. "True. You go ahead and eat. I'll be back in a minute with my own bowl."
"Good. You can't eat out of mine. I don't want your cooties." Not sure if Jen had regressed back into her dementia or was joking, Suze hesitated. "Well? You just going to stand there?" Jen asked, giving her a questioning look.
It was times like this that Suze found the most frustrating — the not knowing.
"Back in a minute," she said, turning away.
"Suze?" Jen called after her.
"What, sweetie?"
"You can share my soup if you want. I don't mind your cooties." The pitiful expression on Jen's face broke Suze's heart.
"I knew you were joking, Jen. We've shared cooties too long to worry about them now. Eat yours while it's still warm." Kissing Jen on the forehead, Suze hurried off. A moment later she returned, quietly setting her bowl on the table. The dinner continued in silence as she watched Jen concentrating on lifting each spoonful, trying not to spill the contents.
Washing dishes was always a relaxing time for Suze. The warm water soothed her aching arthritic hands. Jen usually disappeared into the living room to watch television. Her attention span was normally short, often fluctuating between the
program and some distant, elusive memory. The latter would cause her to become agitated. Occasionally, though, something on the screen would catch her interest, holding her spellbound for an hour or more. Suze was grateful for those moments, reprieves from her constant vigil. It provided her an opportunity to nap without worrying what Jen might get into.
This was one of those better nights. Joining Jen on the couch, Suze leaned her head back and closed her eyes. Within minutes she fell into a deep slumber, her chin resting on her chest.
* * *
"Where are you, dagnabit? I know you're here somewhere."
Jen's grumbling voice intruded on Suze's sleep. Blinking, she looked around expecting Jen to be sitting next to her. She wasn't. A rustling noise from the hallway followed by a thump caught her attention.
"Jen? What are you doing?" she asked pushing up from the couch. Her body ached from exhaustion.
"I'm looking for it," Jen said, clearly agitated.
"Looking for what?" Suze walked to stand by Jen, who was rummaging through the closet. The hall was strewn with stuff, items she had pulled from shelves and hangers in search of some unknown item.
"My book! I want my book."
"All of our books are in the library."
"Not our books. My book. I want my book." Jen was gesticulating with her shaking hands, obviously distressed.
Suze stepped closer and touched Jen's arm.
"Listen, why don't you let me help you? I'll take everything out. When we find your book you tell me, okay?" Jen nodded and stepped back, letting Suze take over. "Now, where might that
book be?" One by one she picked up an object and held it up for Jen to inspect. The first was an old sweater stored in a clear plastic bag.
"That's not a book," Jen said. "Don't you know what a book is?"
"Silly me," Suze replied seriously. "I must be getting old." Sifting through a stack of old quilts and Afghans she felt something hard. A gray fireproof box with a key sticking out of the lock was buried under the pile.
"What's this?"
"Let me see." Pushing Suze aside, Jen rushed forward. "It's a box! What's in it?"
Twisting the key she lifted the lid and peered at the contents. Several legal documents lay inside but didn't completely obscure the thick glossy blue cover of the book beneath.
Jen grabbed it, turned and triumphantly waved it in the air.
"My book! You found my book! Remember this?" she asked, holding it out for Suze to see.
"Yes. How silly of me not to remember your book," Suze said.
"Oh!" Jen's brow wrinkled in confusion. "Did I buy it?"
"No, sweetie, you began writing it several years ago." Jen looked bewildered. She had already forgotten what had been so important just minutes before. "Look," Suze said, opening the manuscript. Jen's forehead wrinkled from confusion. "It's about you and me. And our friends, sort of an autobiography, only in story form," Suze explained. "You used to tell me about all your experiences with your business and I suggested you write a book. Don't you remember?"
"No!" Leaning closer for a better look, Jen pointed at the words on the bottom of the first page. "That's my name. Why is my name on it if it's about us? Why isn't your name here?"
"I didn't write this," Suze said patiently. "You did all the work."
"Are we still married?"
The question caught Suze by surprise. "Married? We never... oh... of course we're still married."
"Then why isn't your name on it? Married people put their names on everything."
Suze knew she was fighting a losing battle. Any attempt at an explanation would only confuse Jen more.
"You're right. I must have forgotten to put my name on it. Would you like me to do it now?"
"Yes." Jen looked at Suze worriedly. "Suze? Are you all right?"
It was Suze's turn to be confused.
"I'm fine. Why are you asking?"
"Well, you forgot to put your name on our book. That's not like you. I thought you might be getting a little forgetful."
Suze laughed.
"Maybe I am, Jen, maybe I am. Come on. Help me find a pen before I forget again."
"That's okay. I'll remind you," Jen promised.
Smiling, Suze wrapped her arms around Jen and squeezed her gently.
"Thank you. After I write my name below yours, how about we put our book on the table and go to bed. I'm awfully tired," Suze said.
"Why did you get it out, then?"
"I... I guess I wasn't thinking." Reminding Jen that she wanted the book served no purpose and would probably provoke an argument.
CHAPTER 2
THE NIGHTLY ROUTINE of getting Jen ready for bed was a tedious, complicated process. Jen was often rebellious when it came to showers. Suze could usually coax her into the bathroom but after that it became a battle of wills. Jen didn't like undressing, climbing over the tub edge, getting wet, and then having to climb out. The effort was exhausting for both women.
"I'm cold," Jen complained and shivered. Her hands shook violently. Suze wrapped a towel around Jen's shoulders and grabbed another to dry the rest of her body.
"I know. I'm almost done. Let's get your jammies on." Jen leaned heavily on Suze as she stepped over the rim. That was always the scariest part of showering. One slip and they could both fall down. It had already happened once, resulting in Jen splitting open her forearm on the vanity edge and Suze bruising her right knee. "Sit on the toilet and let me put your undies on." Suze pulled a pair of Depends from the stack beneath the sink. "Here you go. Lift your right foot... good girl. Now your left. Now raise your arms so I can put your top on you."
"You don't have to treat me like a child," Jen grumped. "I can put my own top on." Suze stepped back to avoid the flailing arms as Jen struggled to pull the tee shirt over her head and down her chest. "See!"
"That was great! Are you ready to go to bed?"
"I'm dressed for it, aren't I?"
"Silly me," Suze said, gently grasping Jen's elbow. "You
don't mind if I hang on to you, do you? I feel a little unsteady."
Straightening proudly, Jen gave her a bright smile.
"Of course not. You'd help me, wouldn't you?"
"Absolutely!" Suze agreed and gestured toward the bedroom. "I'll just stay close to you."
"Good. Don't fall. I can't pick you up if you fall."
"I won't. Not as long as you're helping me."
Making their way to Jen's bed, Suze helped her lie down and covered her with the thick handmade quilt they had bought on a trip to Mexico. Carlton, the stuffed bear, was nestled against Jen's right cheek.
"There! Are you and Carlton comfortable?" Suze asked.
"Yes."
"Are you warm enough?"
"Yes."
"Do you need anything?"
"No."
"I love you," Suze said, bending down to give Jen a quick peck on the lips. The routine was always the same.
"I love you too. Now go away. I'm trying to sleep," Jen said, closing her eyes.
"Goodnight." Standing quietly next to the bed, Suze waited patiently until Jen's breathing slowed to small, quiet puffs. Spying several strands of errant gray hairs near Jen's right eye, she twirled them together and then positioned them behind her ear. "Dream well, sweetie," she whispered and then shuffled away, turning off the night light after crawling into her own bed.
Sleep rarely came easily to Suze. Most evenings were spent watching television or dozing in her favorite chair. Tonight, lying in bed she felt restless. Jen's manuscript had always caused mixed emotions. The detailed descriptions were bittersweet memories of their past, the last entry four years ago a sad reminder of the present. Jen had stopped writing when the effort became too much. Suze had put it away for safe keeping and also not wanting to be reminded of things past.
* * *
A loud crash startled Suze awake. For a moment she laid still, listening and wondering if she had been dreaming. A metallic clang told her she wasn't. What now? Sitting up slowly, she stifled a groan, not wanting to awaken Jen. Damn arthritis! When she heard muffled noises coming from the other room, she grabbed the baseball bat resting by her nightstand. Creeping from the bedroom and down the hall Suze peered cautiously into the darkened living room but saw no one. A pan rattled in the kitchen startling her.
Burglars! Suze gripped the wooden handle harder, raising the bat over her left shoulder. Inching along the wall she felt her heart pounding painfully in her chest. I'm too damn old to be doing this and I can't afford a heart attack. Should have called 9-1-1, she thought belatedly.
"Goddamnit!" a voice grumbled from inside the kitchen. "Where's that thing at?"
"Jen? Is that you?" Suze called out, peeking cautiously around the corner. Jen was rummaging through the silverware drawer. Lord, this is going to be a long night, she thought, rubbing her eyes tiredly.
"Who the hell else would it be? No one lives here but us," Jen mumbled. Then, as if having second thoughts about something, she stopped her search and glared suspiciously at Suze. "You haven't rented my bed out have you?"
At first Suze thought she was teasing. Jen's worried expression said otherwise.
"Now why would I do that?"
"I don't know. You've been acting strange lately."
"Strange? How have I been acting strange?" Suze asked.
"Well, look at you now. Who walks around with a bat in the house? That's for robbers and there aren't any robbers in here." Jen hesitated. Her eyes narrowed. "I'm not stealing anything. This is my stuff. You weren't going to konk me with that were you?"
"Of course not. I heard a noise and thought you —"
"You were going to kill me," Jen accused, grabbing a spatula from inside the drawer. "You come near me and I'll kill you," she threatened, her hand shaking violently.
"I was not going to kill you. I heard a noise and thought someone had broken in. Now put the spatula down and tell me what you're looking for."
Jen frowned, looking confused. Suze knew she had already
forgotten what had been so important just minutes earlier.
"Are you hungry?" Suze asked, hoping to distract Jen. "Do you want something to eat?" Suze eased the spatula from Jen's clenched hand. Placing it and the bat on the counter, she led her to the table. "I'll warm up the soup. Would you like that?" Jen's relieved expression was its own reward. Smiling, Suze patted the hand she was holding. "You sit right here."
"I tried to be quiet," Jen said. "Did I wake you up?"
"No, I was feeling a bit peckish but I didn't want to wake you up," Suze lied. "It was very thoughtful of you not wanting to wake me."
"I'd feel bad if I woke you. I couldn't find that damn... whatchamacallit."
"Well, I'm glad you couldn't. Now we can eat something together. I'm sooo hungry." Suze's stomach growled loudly. "See!"
Jen giggled. For a moment the old twinkle reappeared but quickly faded.
Minutes later, Suze was placing two steaming bowls of leftover chicken soup on the table.
"Here you go," Suze said, handing her a spoon. "Would you like some bread or crackers?"
"No. Now shut up! I'm trying to eat." The curt order was not unusual. Mood swings were the norm when Jen was tired. "Sundowning," the doctor called it.
"Sorry."
The two women grew silent as they sipped their soup; one saddened by the reminder that her partner was slowly slipping away from her, the other focused on not spilling any of the liquid as she raised the shaking spoon toward her lips. Suze would have offered to help steady Jen's hand but knew it would make her angrier.
You don't deserve this, Jen. Suze sighed softly. But who does? We should have had so much more. The clattering sound of a spoon hitting the floor, followed by a short expletive from Jen, interrupted Suze's reminiscing.
"Damn thing jumped out of my hand!"
"That's okay. They do that sometimes. I'll get you another one," Suze offered.
"Don't bother. I'm tired. I want to go to bed. Can I go to bed?" Jen's voice had become pleadingly sweet, like a child.
Suze clasped Jen's hand and helped her to her feet.
"Absolutely," she said.
Tucking Jen back in bed for the second time Suze returned to her own and crawled under the thick, fluffy comforter. Yawning, she listened to Jen's labored breathing. I hope her bronchitis isn't coming back. When the exhales softened to quiet poofs, Suze relaxed.
Her thoughts again turned to the precious manuscript. Each page was a narrative pearl in their lives. How they met, the times they shared, good and bad. Sadly it would go unfinished.
Suze had discovered the notebook a few years ago. It was a manuscript written by Jen titled Chronicles of a Property
Manager. At first she was reluctant to read it, believing it to be Jen's diary — her personal thoughts, things she probably didn't want anyone to know about. Eventually curiosity got the best of Suze. Opening the notebook, she imagined how Pandora must have felt when she was lifting the lid to the forbidden box. Afterward, Suze knew. The difference was that this time Hope had also escaped, leaving nothing but memories and a handwritten letter. But what a letter it was. Those few words summed up all that was Jen, all that they had.
Oh Jen, why did this have to happen to you? To us? Suze thought before finally falling asleep.
CHAPTER 3
A Week
DAYS BECAME WEEKS, each moment a repetition of the one before, only minimally worse. Sadly, even small changes added up to huge losses. Jen's memory continually deteriorated, but there were moments when she was her younger self.
"Are you going to read to me tonight?" Jen asked, "Or do I have to read the damn thing myself?" A smirky grin and twinkling eyes were clear signals that Jen was teasing, which always provided Suze a sense of relief and joy.
The day had gone exceptionally well. Jen was in a good mood. Her dementia had waned some, not uncommon for victims of mini-strokes. The brain sometimes created new pathways, trying to circumvent old injuries. Still, no matter how marvelous its recuperative powers, the doctor had warned them such moments would be temporary. He advised Suze not to get her hopes up whenever they occurred. Dementia was a downhill slope occasionally interrupted by plateaus of stability or slight improvements. Suze cherished those moments.
"That would be nice," she teased back. Jen's lower lip poked out in a mock pout. "Alright! You're going to step on that lip if it gets any longer. What do you want me to read?"
"You choose."
"Okay. Tonight it'll be from your... our book."
Suze opened the blue notebook, flipping to the first page.
Jen's handwriting was clear and precise. The words flowed easily. She could hear Jen's voice in her mind as she silently read the first lines.
"Suze? Suze?"
Suze looked up at Jen's troubled face.
"I'm sorry, sweetie. What did you say?"
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. I was just thinking about you and what an amazing person you are. I'm so lucky to have you."
Jen cocked her head sideways, giving Suze a thoughtful look.
"Even now?" she asked.
The question surprised Suze. Jen was rarely aware of her failing memory. Normally all that mattered was now. What she wanted, what didn't, how she was feeling. The past and the future no longer existed. That was a blessing under the circumstances. In the beginning, Jen was sure she could win her battle against the progression of the disease. She struggled to be normal. As her symptoms grew worse, Jen became creative in developing ways to overcome the problems. For a while it worked. Only those closest to her noticed the little changes. Her smartphone was exchanged for a flip cell. The small netbook was replaced with a seventeen inch laptop. Eventually she began carrying a recorder. Finally a pen and pad appeared. Jen wrote notes to herself about conversations or appointments until they turned into confusing scribbles.
Even now? Suze thought about the question. Jen was her
life, for better or for worse. She could give Jen a simple yes answer and that would probably end the discussion. Tonight, well, tonight the other Jen was with her. The Jen who asked the hard questions and demanded the truth no matter how difficult or hurtful it might be. The Jen she had shared joys and sorrows with.
Before Jen's decline, their relationship had been everything they could dream of. Their love-making had been intense and at times overwhelming. Anyone who thought middle-aged women couldn't feel passion was either naïve or delusional. Both knew how to satisfy each other and themselves. Jen was the burning, concerned lover; always wanting to please Suze. Suze was the clown. Making love was a challenge, a game with constantly changing rules to keep it fun and exciting.
Eventually their sexual desires did fade some, but nothing could diminish the love they shared, nor their commitment to each other. The more Suze saw her life-partner slipping away, the tighter she held on to her, helping Jen fight her demons. Perhaps it was a losing battle, but not for Suze. She would never give up. It was important Jen know that now. Even when her mental lapses returned, and they would, somewhere deep in Jen's mind, where the real Jen dwelled, she would always know she was loved and cherished.
"Do you remember the year we went to the Festival de la Mariposa Monarca in Mexico?" Suze asked, reaching over to hold Jen's hand.
Jen nodded.
"We wanted to see the butterflies."
"I wanted to see the butterflies," Suze corrected squeezing the hand she was holding to let Jen know she was teasing her. "I told you about a documentary I'd seen and mentioned how much fun it would be to see a gazillion at one time. You acted sooo disinterested and then turned up with tickets and reservations three days later. I was speechless."
"I remember. Sadie got them for me. Where is Sadie?" Jen asked, looking around as if expecting her old business partner to be in the room.
"She's home, but she called yesterday to see how you were doing," Suze said.
"Oh, I'm fine," Jen replied. "Tell her I'm fine, would you?"
"I will. We were talking about the butterflies. Do you remember?"
"Of course I remember. Why wouldn't I?" Jen asked, sounding irritated. Then she smiled. "We had fun, didn't we?"
"Fun? It was more than fun. You gave me this," Suze said, holding her left hand out to proudly display the ring on her third finger.
"The butterflies were beautiful, weren't they?"
"Yes, they were." Suze tried to ignore an overwhelming sadness. Jen wasn't to blame for her lack of interest in the ring. Dementia destroyed more than memories. It robbed the person of the emotions that accompanied them.
"There were gazillions. One even kissed me." Jen's face glowed. "On the cheek!"
You haven't stolen everything, Suze thought, referring to the dementia. She considered the illness more a thief than a disease.
No matter how hard you try, you won't get all of my Jen.
Suze remembered the moment as if it was yesterday and still wondered if they had made a terrible mistake going to Mexico. Jen's symptoms first appeared on that trip, although Suze didn't make the connection until years later.
The Festival of the Monarch Butterflies was a huge event, attracting people from around the world. Surrounding villages participated in the celebration. Dances, parties and exhibitions were everywhere. The reserve designated walking trails to minimize damage to the ecosystem and disruptions to the Monarch's daily routines. Jen had hired a local named Joaquin to take them on a tour of the countryside and the protected areas. The guide's knowledge of the butterfly's life cycle and migration from Mexico to Canada and back was impressive; his willingness to prove it almost exhausting as he proudly chattered non-stop.
While watching a swarm resting in the trees, Jen noticed a white speck amongst the horde of orange fluttering wings and pointed it out to Joaquin.
"Ask Joaquin what that one is," Jen said to Suze.
"Sure," Suze said and asked Joaquin.
"La Madre de todas las Mariposas Monarcas," he replied.
"¿La madre?"
"Este es nuestro día de suerte, Señoritas. Ella es la Señora Blanca, La Dama Blanca."
"He said it was our lucky day. They believe the white butterfly is the Mother of the others," Suze translated.
"Si. Estas..." He said raising his arms upwards to symbolically embrace everything around them. "Estas son su hijas. Ella las guiará al norte y luego las traerá de vuelta sanas y salvas. Siempre está con ellas."
"These are all her children. She leads them north but leaves about a week in advance."
"I thought Monarchs only live a few weeks," Jen said. Suze again translated to Joaquin.
"La Madre no. Ella regresa cada año siempre el mismo día. ¡Mira!" Joaquin exclaimed pointing toward the moving mass. "Ella las ha despertado. Ahora volarán pero no harán el viaje. Ella se va primero. Ellas la seguirán dentro de siete dias. Creo que están practicando."
"Not the Mother. She comes back here every year on the same day. The others arrive shortly afterward."
The swarm rose into the air.
"No se muevan, Señoritas. Vienen hacia aquí," Joaquin said excitedly pointing to the colony.
"What?" Jen whispered.
"Don't move. Joaquin said they're doing a practice flight."
Suze and Jen held their breaths, tense; afraid they would interfere with the butterflies as they launched themselves from the trees, turning the sky into a moving mosaic of black and orange. A soft breeze fanned the leaves around them. Suddenly the white butterfly fluttered to within inches of Jen's face. Large purple eyes stared into Jen's. Mesmerized, she exhaled slowly. Something in the dark unblinking gaze made her uneasy.
What do you want? Jen thought and felt foolish for asking the question. The butterfly continued to hover, never breaking eye contact. I don't understand. Visions of lush green forests and meadows flooded her mind. Every plant was covered by undulating rivers of orange, black and gold, constantly changing their shape and directions, slowly, hypnotically drawing Jen closer and closer. A small white spot appeared in the center of the shifting mosaic. First it stayed stationary but then began circling clockwise. Changing direction it walked counter-clockwise, clearing an area around it. Suddenly it sprang into the air, directly at Jen's face, or at least that's how the vision felt. Startled, she jerked her hands upward to protect her face.
"Jen? Jen! Are you alright?" A hand shook her right arm. Jen blinked, feeling disoriented and slightly nauseous.
"I... I'm fine," she said shaking her head slightly.
Suze gave her a curious look.
"Are you sure? You look a little pale."
"I'm fine, really. Just a bit overwhelmed I think."
"I know. All those butterflies taking off like that. It's impressive. They're so beautiful."
"As beautiful as this?" Holding out her right hand, Jen uncurled her fingers. In her palm was a silver and gold band. Two small bars held six diamond chips. Between them was an embedded diamond.
"Oh!" Suze gasped.
"Oh? Is that it? Just oh?"
Tears slid down Suze's cheek.
"It's... it's beautiful."
"No, you're beautiful. And well, I... I was hoping you'd... well, you know..."
Suze looked at Jen's face, giggled, and then took pity on her.
"Are you asking me to be your wife?"
Jen nodded and then blushed. "Yes. I mean... I know we can't get married, but..."
Putting her finger to Jen's lips, Suze silenced her. "I'd love to," she whispered. "Thank you."
Jen slipped the ring on Suze's finger.
"Uh hmmm. Señoritas," Joaquin interrupted nervously looking around. "Por favor, no todo el mundo aqui se siente cómodo con una relación como la vuestra. Para mí está bien que dos mujeres se amen, pero debeís tener cuidado en público. ¿Entendeis?"
"Sorry, Joaquin," Suze apologized. "He's worried that some people might not like what we are," she explained. Jen nodded.
"Gracias, Señorita. Ahora debemos irnos. El parque cierra pronto."
Unclasping hands, Jen and Suze followed him back to the visitor's center, the butterflies temporarily forgotten. Not even the cloud of prejudice could dampen their happiness.
* * *
Back at the hotel, Jen remembered the butterfly incident and told Suze, half-expecting a playful razzing.
"I know it sounds crazy."
"Not crazy but certainly strange," Suze said. "You zoned out for a few seconds. At least that explains why. Joaquin told me you were under its spell and warned me
not to break it. He said the blessing would become a curse. I hope shaking you didn't —"
Jen laughed. "I seriously doubt a butterfly can put a curse on anyone, but I don't think I was imagining what happened either. It hovered so close I could almost feel it. And those eyes... I've never seen anything that color."
Suze gave Jen a strange look.
"It did land on your left cheek. Don't you remember?"
"No... no, I guess I did zone out."
"Maybe you discovered an intelligent life form," Suze teased, secretly wondering if it was possible. "That would explain how they can make such an amazing journey year after year. Besides, I like the thought of a matriarchal Monarchal Monarchy."
"You really didn't say that," Jen said shaking her head. "That was pitiful. Pitiful."
"You're just jealous because you didn't come up with it," Suze replied smugly.
"Right! Let's go eat before you think of another witty remark."
"And where shall we go tonight?"
"McD's," Jen replied. "I feel like a quarter pounder with cheese."
Suze laughed.
"Very funny. Seriously, where do you want to eat?"
A curious expression crossed Jen's face. Her forehead crinkled with consternation.
"I wasn't joking. I want a quarter pounder."
Confused, Suze shook her head slowly.
"This is Mexico. There aren't any McD's here. I'm sure we can find a hamburger place though."
"I don't want —" Jen stopped and then lifted a shaking hand to her right temple and began to massage it.
"Maybe we should just order in. I feel a little tired now."
Stunned, Suze was speechless as Jen walked over to the bed and lay down.
* * *
Two days later, Jen and Suze flew home. Suze, who was an English-to-French translator, picked up three new contracts and Jen returned to work. Several months later, Sadie called Suze, concerned about changes in Jen's behavior.
* * *
Sadie watched as Jen sat staring at the computer screen with some consternation.
"Shit!" Jen muttered. "Damn company needs to get the bugs out of this program."
"Having trouble?" Sadie asked.
"I can't get into the management program. It won't accept my password," Jen explained, massaging her right temple with her fingers.
"Let me see," Sadie offered and moved to stand by Jen. Leaning down, Sadie entered the password. Instantly the screen changed and the program opened revealing the options page. "There you go," she said and returned to her desk.
"How did you do that? I spent ten minutes trying to get into it."
"Probably a computer glitch," Sadie replied. "Maybe it's about time you bought a new laptop. That one's at least four years old."
"I guess. Maybe I was just hitting the wrong keys. I feel a bit tired today."
"Well go home and get some rest. Jackson and I can deal with anything that comes up."
"Oh, so I'm not needed anymore, huh?" Jen asked, grumpily.
"Needed? Yes. Today? No! And since I am the office manager, I'm sending you home."
Jen sighed.
"Maybe you're right. Ever since our trip to Mexico, Suze's been nagging me to take another vacation, this time up north. I keep telling her it's too soon. Perhaps I should think a little more about us. I don't want to screw this up like I did with Lindsey... and we're not getting younger, you know."
"You didn't screw anything up and you know it," Sadie replied. "Lindsey and you just weren't meant to be. I think your problem is you're afraid of letting go of things. It's time you trusted people a little bit more."
"Meaning you? I guess I haven't been fair to you, have I?"
Sadie knew what Jen meant. Even though Jen had made Sadie her business partner years ago, she hadn't been able to hand over the reins except when she took time off... and Jen rarely took time off. Two vacations in one year would be a record. Before Suze had come into her life, Jen rarely took time off. That was one of the reasons her relationship with Lindsey had failed.
"You've always been fair, Jen, just never trusting enough."
"I'm sorry," Jen said.
"Listen, Jen. You've changed. Suze's good for you. Take another trip. Have fun. Relax! Where does she want to go? I'll make the arrangements and call you with the information."
"Mt. Saint... Saint... I don't remember. Saint somewhere or other. I'll have to ask her," Jen said.
"How about you get out of here and I'll call her. By the time you're home, everything will be set. You and Suze can leave the day after tomorrow."
Jen smiled.
"You're not trying to get rid of me, are you?"
"Of course. How else am I going to get real managerial experience? Now get!" Sadie ordered and dramatically pointed her finger at the door.
"Aye, Aye. Oh, how long am I supposed to stay away, boss?" Jen asked.
"At least two weeks. Three would be better. If I see you back here before then, you're fired."
The two women laughed. Sadie had started out as a part-time assistant when Jen started the company and was now a full partner, owning thirty-three percent of the company.
"See you in a couple of weeks," Jen said, saluting. Sliding her laptop into her briefcase, she grabbed her jacket and left, giving Sadie a goodbye wave.
Sadie immediately picked up the phone and dialed Suze.
"Hello."
"Suze? This is Sadie."
"Hey, Sadie, how're you doing?" Suze asked.
"Fine, thanks. Listen, I just sent Jen home. She should be there in about thirty minutes."
"Is she okay?" Suze's voice sounded slightly panicky.
"She's fine, but... Well, she couldn't remember the password to our management software today. She's used the same word for ten years... and I've noticed a few other things that aren't like her."
The silence that followed was telling.
"Suze?"
"I'm here. Sorry. I didn't want to say anything but I noticed a change when we were in Mexico. I was hoping it was my imagination. I'm worried about her, Sadie."
"I know. Any chance of getting her to go to a specialist for a check-up?"
"Jen hates doctors and I wouldn't know how to broach the subject. Physically, she's as healthy as a horse, but she hasn't been very good to herself over the years."
"I know, at least not until she met you. You're the best thing that ever happened to her. I guess we'll just have to make sure she doesn't backtrack. I told her to take a couple weeks off. She mentioned a place up north you two had been talking about. Maybe with a little rest she'll be back to her old self. Anyway, I told her I'd call you for the information and make the arrangements."
"What a great idea! Thanks, Sadie." Suze gave Sadie the name of a ski resort near Montreal. "Jen said she used to ski before she met Lindsey."
"She did. How's Lindsey, by the way? I haven't seen her for a few months."
"Enjoying her honeymoon," Suze answered. "Her second, actually. She and Becky are in Cancun, supposedly taking surfing lessons."
"Surfing! At their age?" Sadie asked.
"Exactly! The only thing they're probably surfing is each other."
Sadie chuckled. Lindsey hadn't wasted any time moving on after her breakup with Jen. As a player she bounced from woman to woman, rarely staying in a relationship for more than a few months. Then Becky entered her life. Young, wild Becky, who loved sampling everything that life had to offer, and Lindsey could offer her sexual experiences beyond her wildest imagination. No one thought the relationship would last. The age difference of fifteen years, by itself, was reason enough to expect failure. Often life had a way of proving people wrong.
* * *
"Suze!" Jen's voice again shook Suze from her reverie.
"I'm sorry, sweetie. What were you saying?"
"I said a butterfly kissed me."
"Yes, a white butterfly landed on your cheek," Suze said. "Joaquin called it a kiss, a special blessing by The White Lady. He was right. I still have you. How could I not feel lucky?" So why do I still feel your memory loss had something to do with that damn butterfly? You were fine until that happened.
"I have to poop!" Jen said suddenly, a look of desperation crossing her face. "I have to poop!" she repeated, struggling to stand up.
Suze sighed. Like the Monarchs of Mexico, the old Jen had vanished, leaving only the memories of what had been and an emptiness of what now was.
I wish we'd never gone on that trip. Instantly she regretted the thought. Blaming an insect for Jen's problem was ridiculous.
"Come on, sweetie. It's almost bedtime anyway. I'll read to you tomorrow." Holding Jen's hand, she led her to the bathroom. A sour smell filled the air. Suze's night had just gotten a little longer.
CHAPTER 4
Months were like years
EVERY DAY WAS A Groundhog Day, rarely changing. Routines provided balance to the unstable minds of dementia sufferers. The occasional surprises were normally unpleasant, but Suze was an expert at adapting. Jen always took an afternoon nap at two o'clock. Today was no different. Suze had just finished putting Jen to bed when the doorbell rang.
"I wonder who that is," she mumbled, looking at her watch and grimacing. The arthritis in her back had flared up, making walking painful. Shuffling to the front door she peeked through the peephole and then unlocked the deadbolt and entry lock. "Dr. Henry, what are you doing here? Is it Tuesday already?"
The tall, thin man smiled warmly, extending his right hand to shake Suze's. Although only in his mid-forties, he was already balding and walked with a stoop. His suit was slightly wrinkled and a size or two larger than necessary.
"I came to check on my two favorite people," he said. "How are you doing, Miss Suze?"
"As well as can be expected," she replied, motioning him into the living room. "When are you going to get some clothes that fit? You look like a hobo."
Dr. Henry laughed.
"Surely I don't look that bad."
Suze eyed him speculatively and then relented. "Well, maybe more like you slept in that thing." Limping slightly, she pressed on her back and groaned.
"Your back bothering you again?"
"A tad. Dadburn weather always makes it act up."
"Would you like me to prescribe something? A mild painkiller might take the edge off."
"Naw, I don't like taking medication. I'd appreciate it though if you'd look in on Jen."
"Of course," Dr. Henry said. "That's why I'm here. How is she?"
"About the same as the last time you came. Well, maybe a little worse, but she's had some real good days too."
"Wonderful! That's what I like to hear. Shall I go and examine her now?"
"You know the way. I'll fix us a cup of tea."
Dr. Henry came every other week to check on Jen and Suze. He checked Jen's heart, lungs and blood pressure. Then he and Suze would enjoy a few cups of tea and discuss everything from the weather to politics. Often the conversations turned a bit feisty over the latter. Suze suspected it was his way of making sure she still had her mental faculties. She enjoyed the visits and was always sad when they ended.
* * *
"I guess I should head on to the hospital," Dr. Henry said,
glancing at his watch. "I need to check on a few patients."
"It was nice of you to come," Suze said. "I still think you should bill us."
"Miss Suze, it's an honor to be able to come here. And besides, you make the best tea in town. That's payment enough." When Suze started to stand, he put his hand on her shoulder. "No need to show me out. I know the way. I'll lock the entry lock when I leave and you can do the deadbolt later."
"Thank you. I think I'll catch up on some reading since Jen's asleep. Good brain exercise."
"Indeed it is. Have a good afternoon and I'll see you in two weeks. You call me if your back gets worse."
Suze promised she would. Once the doctor was gone, she picked up Jen's manuscript. For almost two weeks it had lain abandoned on the coffee table. Jen had shown no further interest in it.
An hour later, Suze closed the notebook and clutched it against her breast. Leaning back she thought about their first meeting. Neither had guessed where it would lead. She used to question if she had caused the breakup between Jen and her former girlfriend, Lindsey. The two had been together for over three years. Eventually, though, they grew apart, each unable to provide what the other needed. From the way Jen's friends talked about Lindsey, Suze couldn't understand why Jen had stayed with the woman so long. After meeting her several years later,
Suze had her answer. Lindsey wasn't the ogre some people painted her out to be. She and Jen were just too driven by their own agendas. They would never have been compatible. Their breakup was painful, but not the end of their relationship.
Time always had a way of changing people. Sometimes it also opened doors to new opportunities, even in the most clichéd of ways. Girl leaves girl, girl meets new girl, and they live happily ever after — except they didn't. The final pages in Jen's book epitomized what Jen and Suze's lives had become; words painfully misspelled; sentences jumbled until the story's ending was as chaotic as Jen's thoughts. Sighing, Suze set the notebook on the end table. Pushing painfully to her feet, she headed for the kitchen. It was almost dinner time.
CHAPTER 5
A Lifetime
MUMBLINGS FROM THE bedroom, especially at nighttime, had become commonplace. Standing in the doorway, Suze listened. She knew Jen's dementia was getting worse. The meaningless words and frequent arguments with herself attested to her deteriorating condition.
"Come here!"
"No you come here."
"No, you come here."
"Okay. I'll come there but you take my hand."
"No, you take my hand."
"Okay."
Moving quietly to stand next to the bed Suze saw Jen's eyes were closed.
"Are you okay," Suze asked.
"Yes," Jen said, opening her eyes. A vacant stare turned into recognition. "Go away!"
"Who are you talking to?"
"That man!" Jen pointed toward the ceiling.
Suze looked up. That man came almost every night now. She wasn't sure who Jen was seeing but knew that telling her no one was there was futile and only caused Jen to grow more agitated.
"Well, tell him to go away. It's bedtime," Suze said.
"He doesn't listen to me."
"He'll listen to me. GO AWAY!" Suze made shooing motions with her arm. "It's bedtime. You don't need to be here." Turning to Jen, she leaned slightly toward her. "Is he gone?"
Jen nodded.
"Good." Leaning all the way down, Suze gave Jen a quick kiss on the lips. "I love you." Jen closed her eyes, a clear sign she intended to ignore Suze. "I love you," Suze repeated.
Opening one eye, Jen looked up and then closed it again.
"I love you," she mumbled grudgingly.
Suze knew the moment she left the room Jen would begin her argument with herself again. It was a scene that played over and over again every night, often going on for hours.
CHAPTER 6
STEPHANIE CAME TWICE a week. A local dementia support group provided her as an aide to give Suze some relief on Monday and Thursdays so she could do the shopping or just relax. The first few times, Jen had been resistant to the stranger's attention, quickly making it clear the aide was not going to give her a bath. Nor would she allow Stephanie to change her Depends. After a while, though, Stephanie's southern charm eased her suspicions and Jen accepted the gentle attention and affection offered.
"Miss Jen, I do believe you're gaining weight," Stephanie said, tugging Jen's slacks up over her client's slender hips. "Miss Suze's gonna hafta go buy you a bigger size if you keep this up."
"Stop that!" Jen said, slapping at the hands.
"Now don't you go actin' that way. I'm tryin' to get you dressed. You can't go runnin' around in your panties. It ain't ladylike."
"Well I ain't a lady, so I don't have to worry about that... and I ain't getting fat either."
Stephanie chuckled. Feisty was good. Patting Jen on the shoulder, she leaned down and kissed her right cheek.
"Ain't no reason to be afraid of puttin' on a few pounds, Miss Jen. It's not like you're gonna get fat or anything. You're way too ornery for that. Now, let's go get something to eat. How about I fix you some warm oatmeal with honey? That sound good to you?"
"I don't want nothing to eat. I want to go to my bed," Jen grumbled.
"Only after you eat. No breakfast, no bed."
"I said I didn't want anything. You can't make me eat."
"Now why do you want to go and be difficult? You know you hafta eat."
"No I don't! You're trying to kill me. YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL ME!"
Hearing raised voices, Suze peeked around the corner. Stephanie held up her hand and motioned Suze to stay back.
"Miss Jen. I don't allow no one to talk to me like that. We don't yell at each other. You be nice to me and I'll be nice to you, okay?"
Jen glared at the caregiver for several moments and then lowered her eyes.
"Oh alright," she mumbled.
"Thank you." Turning to Suze she smiled. "You go rest now. I'll feed Miss Jen and then get her into bed. If you're asleep by then I'll just sneak on out. You need to take better care of yourself, Miss Suze. You're lookin' awfully tired these days."
"I'm fine Stephanie, but thanks for caring. And thanks for helping me with Jen. I don't say that enough."
"You say it plenty, Miss Suze."
Suze headed for her bed while Stephanie helped Jen to the table.
* * *
A loud banging on the door roused Suze from a sound sleep. What now? "I'm coming!" she yelled out and then looked at Jen to see if she was awake. She wasn't. At least being a little deaf has some advantages, she thought.
Putting on her tattered blue robe and matching slippers, she shuffled slowly to the front door and peered through the peephole. Her best friend was standing on the other side waving a brown paper bag at her. Unlocking the door, Suze opened it and motioned the woman in.
"Lindsey, what in the world are you doing here this time of the day?" Suze asked. "It's almost noontime."
"I brought you and Jen some freshly made donuts. I know how much she loves them and how hard it is for you to get out nowadays."
"And I suppose you want me to make coffee now? Well, come on into the kitchen. It's the least I can do since you brought our favorite snack."
Her friend smiled and did as she was told, making herself comfortable on one of the chairs. A few minutes later, Suze placed two steaming cups on the table.
"Here," she said. Opening the bag she spied a chocolate covered donut amongst a variety of others. "Jen will love that
one. I'll save it for her." Suze picked out a glazed one and took a bite. "Mmmm. It's been awhile since I had a glazed donut, not since you were last here. How was your trip?"
"Long! Never sign up with a travel group. The guide was boring and the sites too touristy. Then Becky caught a dose of the Johnny Quick Step. Fortunately, it was mild."
"It doesn't hurt that she's just out of the cradle," Suze said and then laughed.
"She's fifty eight. That's hardly out of the cradle," her friend replied, joining in on the laughter. "Besides, I need someone who can keep up with my sexual appetite."
Suze snorted.
"Sexual appetite. I'd have thought you'd have slowed down by now."
"Oh I slowed down alright but I'm still good for several times a week."
The sound of movement in the bedroom cut off any remark Suze was going to make.
"That's Jen. I need to make sure she's okay," Suze said.
"Do you need any help?"
"No, she doesn't like anyone in the bedroom but me or Stephanie. I'll be right back."
* * *
Jen was sitting on the side of the bed looking around the room.
"Are you alright?" Suze asked, hurrying over to Jen's side.
"I have to pee," Jen said. "Where's my robe?"
Suze pointed to the foot of the bed. Picking it up, she held it out so Jen could slip her arms into the sleeves.
"I heard voices. Who's out there?
"A surprise. Let's go to the bathroom and then I'll show you, okay?"
"Okay."
Leading Jen into the kitchen, Suze watched her partner's face to see if she recognized the woman sitting at the table. Jen stared at her for a few moments. Her forehead wrinkled, a sign that she was struggling with her thoughts. Suddenly a smile broke across her face.
"Lindsey? Is that you, Lindsey?" she asked.
"Hi Jen," Lindsey said standing up. "Come give me a hug, girlfriend."
Jen moved quickly to do just that. Both women wrapped their arms around each other and rocked back and forth for a few moments. Suze watched them with mixed emotions: sadness and happiness. Sadness because the Jen she and Lindsey knew was slowly being destroyed; happiness because her Jen was still fighting to maintain what was left of the old Jen.
Her recognition of Lindsey was proof. Their breakup had been ugly and for years they didn't speak even though they often met in social circles. Eventually, time had tempered the hard feelings and they began to talk to each other. Perhaps it was because both were in stable relationships. Whatever the reason, their friendship was renewed and grew stronger with each passing year. Suze and Lindsey's wife, Becky, accepted that Jen and Lindsey had a history and were happy for the reconciliation. No one posed a threat to the other. That Suze and Lindsey also developed a strong friendship was testimony to that.
"I brought you donuts."
"I love donuts," Jen said, clapping her hands together. "Ohhh! And chocolate." She looked at Suze and smiled. "Can I have some coffee too?"
"Coming right up," Suze replied. After placing the cup in front of Jen, everyone sat back down.
Jen took a bite of the chocolate donut and chewed it slowly.
"Mmmm. This is so good. It reminds me of..." Jen hesitated. Her forehead creased and then she stared at Lindsey. "Of the time you got mad and threw a whole box at me. What a waste of good donuts."
Lindsey laughed.
"I remember that. That wasn't one of our finer moments."
"No, you were mean. Why were you mad? All those broken donuts lying on the floor. I could have eaten them." For a moment Jen seemed sad, but then her expression lightened. "I
looked funny with all that chocolate on my face and clothes. It looked like poop."
"You know, Jen, I don't remember what it was about either," Lindsey lied. The reason was no longer important. "But it sure did. And I had to clean the mess up since you refused to. They'd have stayed on the floor forever."
"We were both pretty stubborn, weren't we." Jen looked at Suze. "We were, you know? Maybe I was more so. Such a waste. Donuts shouldn't be wasted. You shouldn't have thrown them like that."
"No, I shouldn't have," Lindsey agreed.
"I guess all of us can be hard-headed at times. Even now," Suze teased.
"Oh yeah," Lindsey said. "Becky is always calling me that."
"Becky?" Jen asked. "Oh, I remember. She's that woman you married." Jen shook her head. "I never thought it would last, you and Becky. She's awfully young. Guess I was wrong. I'm glad you found someone, Lindsey. You're nice now. You deserve someone nice. We weren't good for one another, were we?"
Lindsey patted Jen's hand and then squeezed it.
"We were always good for each other. We just couldn't live together. Our needs were too different, that's all."
"I suppose. That's a good thing, isn't it Suze? I mean that Lindsey and I couldn't get along? Otherwise we wouldn't have
each other, would we? And Lindsey wouldn't have Becky? Becky's nice. I like her a lot."
Suze nodded.
"Definitely! A very good thing. And you still have Lindsey. She's your best friend."
"Oh! I thought you were my best friend," Jen said, looking confused.
"We're all best friends, Jen," Lindsey said. "Suze's your best partner friend and I'm your best friend friend. Understand?"
Jen looked at the partially eaten donut in her hand and frowned.
"I think so. Sometimes I don't understand things as clearly as I used to. Suze tries to explain or help me remember, but I just can't. One day I think I'm not going to understand anything at all. Then Suze will have to leave me somewhere. That makes me sad."
Tears welled up in Suze's eyes. Lindsey gave her an empathetic look and leaned toward Jen. Lifting Jen's chin with her hand, she smiled.
"Listen, Jen, you know I've never lied to you, right?"
Jen nodded slowly.
"Well, I'm not going to start now. Maybe the day will come when you can't remember anything. Maybe not, but Suze's never going to leave you, and I'll always be here too. You're a strong
woman. The Jen I know and love will never go down without a fight. Okay?"
"But what if —"
"You once told me there are no what ifs. Don't start them now. We're going to take one day at a time. And yes, there will be times when you won't understand something or remember things, but that happens to all of us."
"And you remembered the donut fight, sweetie," Suze added. "That had to be a long time ago."
Jen perked up.
"I did, didn't I," she said, straightening up and smiling. "That's something."
"That's a lot," Lindsey said. "Even I didn't remember it until you mentioned it."
"And... and I remember what the fight was about now. I forgot our anniversary and brought them home hoping to cover it up. I wasn't very good at trying to fool you."
"There you go! You were forgetting things even back then, especially those types of things. So what if you forget a few things now and then. I'd say you haven't changed at all," Lindsey teased.
"No... no, I haven't. I guess I've always been a little absented-minded, huh?"
"Well, I wouldn't say that. Maybe just preoccupied. "
"Preoccupied. I like that word. It sounds... important." Jen looked longingly at another donut. "We ought to finish these off. I wouldn't want them to spoil because I got preoccupied with something else," Jen replied, giving a wry grin. During the next two hours, the three friends reminisced about the old days. For Suze and Lindsey, the Jen of yesteryears had returned.
After Lindsey left, Suze helped Jen into the living room and lit the gas fireplace.
"I'm going to do the dishes and then I'll be right back," Suze said.
"Suzeque?" Jen said hesitantly.
Startled at being addressed by her online name, Suze sat down next to Jen and reached for her hand.
"What, sweetie?" she asked.
"Why do you put up with me like you do?"
"Oh Jen, I don't put up with you. I love you."
Jen didn't say anything for a few moments and then sighed.
"There's something wrong with me and I don't know what to do. It's like I'm somewhere else... or... I don't know. I'm afraid. What if I forget who you are like I forget who I am? What happens to me if you die? Or get sick? No one will care for me."
"Sweetie, let's not worry about that now. One day at a time, okay? You and I... well, we're like a pair of old shoes. What good would we be without each other?"
"I think I'm the one with the hole in the sole," Jen said.
Suze didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the comment. It was only after Jen looked into her eyes that she realized she was being teased. Jen's twinkled with a humor she hadn't seen in a long time.
"I guess that makes me the one with the worn out tongue, huh?" Suze replied and leaned in to give Jen a hug.
"I guess it does." The twinkle faded. Jen's expression changed to concern. "There was something I wanted to tell you, but... I forgot what it is."
"Don't worry about it. When you remember, you can tell me then."
Jen's forehead crinkled. She looked down at the hand holding hers and squeezed it.
"You're a good person, Suzeque. I never told you that enough, did I?"
"Now what makes you say that?" Suze asked.
"I don't know. Just a feeling I guess, but I think you've always known I thought so."
Suze smiled. Seeing it, Jen's lips curled up at the corners.
"Sweetie, there wasn't a day that went by that you didn't tell me or show me you loved me."
"You know something, Suze?"
"What?"
"You're getting a little forgetful yourself. I didn't say anything about loving you. I said you were a good person." Jen laughed at the surprised expression on Suze's face. "Gotcha, didn't I?"
"You sure did. Here you're worried about being forgetful. Hey! I have an idea. We haven't been outside in several weeks and there's some fresh snow on the ground. Let's go make a couple of snowballs."
"I'd like that," Jen said. "Do we have to go far? I can't walk far, you know."
"No, there's enough snow on the porch. And we won't be out long. I get cold easily. Old bones, you know."
"Yeah, you are older than me. I forgot about that. We should change. I don't think it's proper to wear robes outside." Jen stood up and looked around the room. "You'll have to show me where my coat is. I don't remember where I put it."
"How about I help you get dressed and then I'll get the
jackets and gloves?" Suze asked.
Jen straightened from the slightly stooped posture she normally had and gave Suze and indignant look.
"I may be getting old, Suze McMurphy, but I'm still able to put my clothes on." Stalking away, she hesitated at the living room entrance and turned around. "No matter what happens to me you'll remember I've always loved you, won't you?"
"I've
Copyright © 2013 by Fran Heckrotte
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-939950-03-1 print
ISBN: 978-1-939950-01-7 epub
ISBN: 978-939950-02-4 mobi
First Edition
Published: April 2013
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Novel Ideas Publishing, LLC
Beaufort, S.C., USA
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I give special thanks to the people that helped me bring this book to fruition.
For brainstorming the ideas behind several of the stories, Annabelle is the one who took me to places my imagination would never have ventured.
Alexa, you're a gem. Copyediting has got to be the most tedious task in the production of a book. Thank you for your dedication and professionalism. I would recommend you to anyone wanting a quality job. In fact I just did. Alexa can be reached at the following email address: [email protected].
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And to all my beta readers and proofers, there are no words that can express my gratitude and appreciation for your time and insight. Thank you Sherry and Pixiey, and those who didn't want your names mentioned.
ODYSSEY OF THE BUTTERFLY
Table of Contents: Page
Book 1: DAUGHTERS OF THE QUEEN 7
Book 2: TOUCH OF THE BUTTERFLY 34
Book 3: KISS OF THE BUTTERFLY 95
Book 4: TO KILL A BUTTERFLY 155
Book 5: A TIME FOR CHANGE 322
BUTTERFLIES AND MOTHS
IS THERE ANY INSECT more pleasing to the eye than the butterfly or moth? They are the elusive, mysterious creatures flitting from flower to flower, weed to weed, giving life to many plants and destruction to others. They bring us joy and occasionally death. The Monarch butterfly is well known for being poisonous to some predators, but even it is a lightweight compared to the South American Silk moth. Bristles around its body carry one of the most potent defensive chemicals of any animal. The venom is an anticoagulant that can cause a human to hemorrhage to death. Caterpillars can devastate crops, creating enormous economic losses to farmers... and still, when this dangerous, destructive child of nature emerges from its cocoon... spreads its wings... and takes flight, all we see is beauty... and perhaps that is what makes them truly magical.
DAUGHTERS OF THE QUEEN
THEY ARE THE LEPIDOPTERA. Most people know them as butterflies and moths, at least in the English language. Easily recognized, they are found on all of the continents except Antarctica and can be traced as far back as the Cretaceous Period. Perhaps it was due to the appearance of the first flowering plants, perhaps merely coincidental circumstance. Then again, maybe they existed long before that time but their remains have yet to be discovered. Nature makes her own rules in the game of life, whether on this world — or another.
CHAPTER 1
SHE WAS SHENARA, Queen Mother, and challenged by none... for why would one challenge the weakest of the colony? Their survival depended on her ability to lead, not her strength. She kept the colony alive and ultimately the species. Physically, she was the largest of her kind. Her wings were almost twice the size of the others', making her inferior to the ones that reached maturity. Slower moving, her journey always began days in advance of the collective. Distance provided her the time and opportunity to mark safe routes with the irresistible scent of pheromones. They drifted with the winds, eventually settling on the plants and earth. The flights were arduous but necessary if the colony was to succeed in its yearly migrations.
Queens were the Mothers of their species, although they never mated nor bore young. They were chosen from amongst their sister siblings when the time was right. Always white with thin black swirls bordering semi-translucent wings, they were the most visible of their species... and the most vulnerable. Their eyes could be black, green or a deep purple, sometimes glowing in the early morning or late evening light.
Shenara was unusually large, making her a bigger target for predators. She had, however, three offsetting factors that gave her a greater advantage: superior intelligence, greater wisdom and, most important, the vast experience of all her predecessors. A Queen's memories were passed to her Chosen. Millions of miles and thousands of years of accumulated knowledge gave the monarch what no other in her colony possessed — the ability to recognize subtle changes in the world around them and understand the consequences of such changes. She could predict
colder winters and warmer summers, extended droughts and torrential storms.
* * *
Shenara lived in a world of extremes — hot and humid in the summer, cold and brutal in the winter. To avoid each, she timed her colony's migration to take advantage of the lush plant growth in spring and fall. Winters were spent in the south, summers in the north.
Only a Queen survived the entire trip. Her colony would faithfully follow her to the first breeding ground, mate, reproduce and die. The offspring, after maturing, then followed the Queen's scent to the next nursery. The cycle was repeated once again before they arrived at their final destination, the cooler summer forests of the north. There the last generation was born, fed and grew strong for they alone could make the entire return trip to their winter home, always trailing behind their Queen. As with all life, there would come a time when she could no longer lead and a successor would have to be chosen. Fortunately, Queens lived a long time.
CHAPTER 2
THE AIR FELT STRANGE, warmer, hotter, thicker than normal. Each downward stroke of her wings pushed her higher and further away. Flying was becoming more difficult. She was old and tired and ready for her final destiny.
My time is near, Shenara thought, contemplating all the obstacles that lay ahead of her. I must choose my replacement soon. The Queen scanned the roiling mass of orange and black bodies feeding on the milk of the tall, thin-leafed weeds that flourished around them. But who? Nowhere could she see white wings until the sun glinted on a small speck laboriously climbing a spindly plant tucked amongst the massive growth surrounding it. Then another pair appeared, and another, followed by six more.
Nine! Nine white daughters struggled upward. Shenara watched intently as the first reached its goal and then dismissed it as unacceptable. She moved too quickly. The next six also were rejected as potential successors for the same reason. Speed was not an asset to be Queen. But the last two, they had potential. Every step took a toll on their strength. Neither gave up, a necessary quality to lead, but a certain amount of physical weakness was essential. Survival of the fittest was so ingrained in the genes of each butterfly that challenging the weakest made little sense, a waste of valuable energy, and thus Queens could move amongst their colonies with impunity.
Gliding down for a closer examination of the candidates, Shenara hovered next to one, much smaller than the other, and then moved to inspect her sister. Both had some growing to do
but they had potential. That was the only requirement for now.
Come, daughters! she commanded and flew away without looking back. Sensitive to fluctuations in the air, she knew immediately when they left the security of the milkweed. This was their first flight away from the colony and the beginning of a training regimen that would prepare them for the final test.
Shenara hoped one proved worthy. Her strength was waning. If neither fledgling passed, the collective would be without a Queen, without her memories. The colony would be doomed to extinction, an unthinkable consequence. Shenara would bear the responsibility for such a tragedy, for she was Queen.
* * *
You move too fast, Rojani, Shenara gently reprimanded. Conserve your energy. Speed is your enemy, not distance. Rojani was smaller than her sister, Fenari. The strain of trying to keep up with Fenari and her Queen was exhausting.
How can I keep up with you if I don't fly faster? Rojani asked.
Why do you want to keep up with us? Shenara countered. Did I command you to? Are we in a race?
Rojani took a deep breath and exhaled.
No, Mother, but I can't keep up with you by flying slower. I don't understand what you want of me.
I want nothing more than you can give.
Confused, Rojani slowed her beating wings.
I am giving you all that I can, Mother. Is that not enough?
Fenari, who had been keeping pace with the Queen, veered off and circled back to Rojani's side.
I think Mother wants us to fly at our own pace, sister. If we allow others to push us forward, we will fall behind.
Very good, Fenari, Shenara said, pleased at her daughter's early display of wisdom. Survival is about knowing your limitations. Use them to your advantage. You are the weakest of the weak. You must never compete against the others. Your strength will come from patience, endurance and wisdom.
I only state the obvious, Fenari said, humbly. Were I small like Rojani, I would have made the same mistake.
Perhaps, and perhaps if she were larger she would have made the one you have now made.
Before Fenari could respond, Rojani fluttered excitedly up and down, then dashed in front of her sister to make eye contact.
You cannot doubt yourself, Fenari. You must always believe you do what is best. Am I right, Mother? she asked, spinning around to look into Shenara's eyes.
Yes, daughter. I am pleased with both of you. Come! It is time we returned home. There is much work to be done and little time for preparation. A good night's rest will replenish your energy.
Slowing her speed so Rojani could keep up, Shenara led her two daughters back to the safety of the colony.
Go now. Hide deep amongst your brothers and sisters. Your color makes you vulnerable. I cannot afford to lose either of you.
Shenara watched Rojani and Fenari burrow deep amongst their siblings. When they were no longer visible she flew to her special tree and crawled into a crack between two thick pieces of bark. Circling several times, she nestled down, tucking her legs under her. The Queen closed her eyes. Her body ached, but for the first time in many cycles, sleep came easily.
CHAPTER 3
THE RAYS PEEKED into the dark crevice, warming the Queen and rousing her from her slumber. Stretching, she flexed each leg several times, testing for the stiffness that was coming more often from long periods of stillness. Once assured all were functioning properly, she stood and crept toward the narrow opening. Cautiously she surveyed the outside world, searching for potential threats. Today, there were none. Most of the swarm were asleep; the few that weren't moved sluggishly. Sunlight hadn't yet reached them so their bodies still suffered from the chill of the night. Shenara launched herself into the air. With the new day came the continued responsibilities of preparing her daughters for the final test; a journey from which only one would return.
Daughters! Shenara called out. From the heart of the swarming mass crawled two white butterflies. Each flexed its wings before springing upward.
Mother, Rojani and Fenari called out simultaneously. Without responding, the Queen turned and flew toward a clearing. Her daughters followed, each at her own pace. Once in the meadow, Shenara circled the clearing several times. Occasionally she landed on a brightly colored flower to rest or to sample the sweet pollen. Some plants she avoided. One, however, she approached cautiously.
You must never touch the blue ones, Shenara warned, diving into the shadows beneath several large blossoms. When Rojani and Fenari followed, they saw the decaying remains of butterflies scattered around the base of the plant. Many belonged to other
colonies that shared their territory. A few the sisters recognized as being from their own.
What happened? Rojani asked, clearly terrified at the horrific sight.
The flower happened. This is the Deceiver. Stay away from it, no matter how much it tempts you. There are many flowers and plants to feed from, but none as sweet as this one.
How do you know this, Mother? Fenari asked, shuddering.
Look around you, daughters. This is but one plant and yet hundreds of bodies lie dead beneath its beauty. Fly closer and the scent becomes irresistible. Feed and you want nothing else. Death is slow and painful. The nectar feeds only the cravings. The body dies of starvation. Even ground feeders will not touch those who have died from the nectar of the Deceiver.
We will remember, Mother, Fenari and Rojani promised.
The lessons continued throughout the day and for many weeks afterward. Shenara taught each to recognize the dangers of their world and the secrets that could save them. They gained confidence in their strengths and appreciated their weaknesses. Aerial maneuvers were perfected, the best places to hide revealed, and they were constantly reminded to be vigilant. Danger came from every direction.
Trust what you feel and the memories of those who came before you, Shenara said.
Memories? I have no memories of anyone, Rojani said.
Neither do I, Fenari agreed.
One of you will, Shenara promised cryptically.
The Queen continued her lessons. She taught them to sense danger before it appeared. The sisters were intelligent and learned quickly. Shenara was pleased. Either would make an excellent Queen.
CHAPTER 4
ROJANI AND FENARI were now fully grown, no longer able to hide amongst their siblings. Their white wings glistened in the light, making them highly visible even at nighttime if the moon's beams were bright enough. It didn't help that their brothers and sisters moved aside when they moved amongst them.
The late afternoon sun was still hours from settling when Shenara led them home.
Now you must seek a special place, she said. One that is safe and comfortable, but small enough to stay warm. The entrance must be narrow. Choose wisely. The air grows cooler on the journey to our summer home, and the predators more fierce. Every night, your life and those of the colony will depend on whether you have chosen wisely. If you die, they die.
Having sent the two butterflies on their way, Shenara returned to her own special place to rest. Tomorrow she would send her daughters on a mission; one that could end in their deaths and that of the collective. With luck and skill, a new Queen would return.
* * *
Fenari! Rojani! The sun was still well below the horizon when the Queen called to them. She hadn't seen her daughters since the evening before, although she knew exactly where each was sleeping. Both had chosen their safe places well.
Rojani appeared first but only seconds before Fenari.
Yes, Mother, they said in unison.
You have worked hard, daughters. Your knowledge and skills are complete. I can teach you nothing else. Now you will test all that you have learned. For three days, you must follow the sun as it travels across the sky, each of you flying a different path. On the third day you will search for something special, something unique. Remember it and bring that memory home.
I don't understand, Fenari said. How will we know what you want?
It is not what I want. It is what you find.
This seems too simple, Mother, Rojani said.
Staying alive is never simple. The journey will challenge your stamina, your sense of danger and your ability to find safe places. On your return trip, all that you see will appear different than all that you remember. The world changes around us as we change around it. Now go. The sun awakens.
Obeying their Queen, Rojani and Fenari flew away, afraid but confident Shenara would not send them into the wilderness if she didn't believe in them.
CHAPTER 5
Day 1
ROJANI FLEW FOR ALMOST a full day without stopping, knowing her progress was slow. Hungry and weak, she realized she had made a potentially fatal error but had also learned a valuable lesson. Distance meant nothing if she failed along the way. Although the sun was not yet setting, Rojani decided to stop. Her first priority was to find food. Fortunately, several flowers and milk plants flourished in the area. Darting from blossoms to milkweeds, she filled her belly and then set out to locate a safe place. A crevice between two thick, scaly plates of bark provided the perfect sanctuary. It was small and compact, but comfortable. Most important, it provided the security she needed for the night.
* * *
Fatigue weighed heavily on Fenari, but her energy level was still high enough to keep her safe if she needed to outmaneuver predators. She had stopped several times during the day to feed on the sweet juices of the abundant milkweeds, carefully avoiding the tantalizing smell of the Deceiver. The decaying bodies alone would have been warning enough, even if Mother hadn't told them about the addictiveness of the plant.
Today she was both lucky and diligent. The few predators that crossed her path were either already well-fed or she sensed them before they saw her. Mother had taught her well. Fenari's growing confidence didn't blind her to the realization that she needed to stay alert day and night. Stopping before the sun
disappeared behind the horizon, she found her safe place. Nestled between the narrow fissures of the bark of a giant tree, she settled down for a good night's rest. Tomorrow was only the second day of her test.
Day 2
Darting between limbs, Rojani frantically dipped and turned in an effort to escape the long, snapping beak. She had allowed herself to be distracted by a rainbow above a pool at the base of a miniature waterfall. The dancing colors were like flowers swaying in a breeze. They reminded her of home. She missed her brothers and sisters. Had she not seen the reflection on the surface of the water, Rojani would be rotting in the belly of the bird now chasing her. That could still happen if she didn't escape its relentless pursuit.
Mother would be ashamed of me. Rojani quickly discarded the thought. Mother would simply tell her there was a lesson in the experience. That is if I live long enough to learn it.
Snap! Snap!
* * *
Petals shaped like wings, the flowers provided Fenari with the cover she needed. Frightened, she nestled amongst the blooms hoping she wouldn't be noticed by the flock of small birds frantically circling overhead. Their shrill screeches rang through the forest, blocking out the usual sounds.
Not every predator feasted on butterflies. Fenari wasn't taking any chances. Mother had taught her and Rojani many
things; the flowers and plants that provided nourishment, the ones to avoid, enemies that came from the sky and those that slithered or scurried across the ground. Not everything was a threat.
But nothing must be taken for granted. Fenari remembered that day and its lesson well.
It was a day that had started like the others. Mother had summoned Fenari and Rojani from their safe places. Then a high-pitched wail broke the early morning silence. It was painfully loud and scary. Instead of flying away, Mother led them toward the sound. A large cat lay writhing on the forest floor. Huge paws slapped at its eyes as it shook its massive head. The ears were filled with small crawling creatures. The animal was covered in ants, millions of them.
Learn well, daughters, Mother said. Size does not determine the degree of danger. These animals are insignificant as individuals. One is only an irritant, but many become formidable. Nothing can withstand their ferocity.
How can I protect myself from such numbers? Rojani asked.
Be vigilante at all times. These are ants. They sleep at night like us and thus pose no immediate threat but there are things that move through the darkness. Rest with your eyes shut but your ears open... and remember, danger comes from all directions.
They are awful, Mother, Fenari said and shuddered.
They are what they are. We do not judge others, Fenari. We, too, feed off the living. Can we know for sure that we aren't causing pain when we sip the lifeblood of a flower or milk of the plant? Shenara asked. Do not assume they cannot feel. We may think we are different, but we are all the same.
I understand, Mother.
I also understand, Mother. Why cannot our family use our numbers to defend us? We have as many brothers and sisters as these ants.
Defend with what, Fenari? What weapon could we use? We are fragile, our wings and legs delicate. Only our numbers and a Queen's wisdom ensure that the colony will survive another season. That is all we have, all we need. The sun will be setting soon. We must return home. You have much to think about.
The three returned to the colony, each seeking out her safe place.
Shaking her head, Fenari returned to the present. Fortunately her temporary lapse had not endangered her. The normal sounds were comforting. Inhaling deeply to release some tension, Fenari scanned the area for predators. Seeing none, she crawled from her hiding place and tested her wings. All was well. Launching into the air she continued her journey. She still had several hours of flying time ahead of her.
Day 3
The sun was peeking over the horizon, spreading its pink rays across the meadow of wildflowers. As the safe place warmed, Rojani stirred, flexing each leg. One had been slightly injured the day before in her efforts to escape a predator but had healed overnight. Pressing her wings together over her body she squeezed through the narrow crack into the light. This was the last day of her forward journey. Tomorrow she would head back to the colony.
Mother said I would find something unique. Rojani scanned her surroundings. There was nothing that she would describe as unique. Some of the plants were unusual but the meadow was like many others she had seen. Large animals grazed on the lush grass. Smaller ones stood near the edge of the forest looking fearfully in one direction and then another. The meadow teemed with life, but nothing she could honestly say was unique. Have I failed her? The thought was depressing.
* * *
Fenari watched the grazers move around the clearing, cropping and tugging at the thick grass. Occasionally one would raise its head to check some unknown scent or sound. Once assured there were no threats it returned to its grazing. Other animals and insects scurried around intent on their own business.
Nothing! Fenari was disappointed. There is nothing here. I have failed Mother.
Reluctantly she raised her wings, lifting her body into the air. A gust of wind blew her sideways. Frantically she struggled
to regain control. Twisting her body she grabbed at the limb of a nearby tree. Adrenalin gave her the strength to hold on. After the wind died she relaxed, feeling drained. Fenari knew she was now too weak to safely begin her journey home. She needed to rest. Shifting to a more comfortable position, she checked for predators and saw movement on the trunk of the tree she clung to. Could it be?
Rojani?
Fenari? Is that really you? her sister called out. How did you get here?
I flew! How did you?
I flew, Rojani said.
How is this possible? Fenari asked. We travelled different paths. Is our world so small?
I don't know. We flew only three days. Mother says the journey north is long. She wouldn't lie to us. Could we have taken wrong paths?
We must have, Fenari said. Each sister felt the other's disappointment and was saddened. They had spent weeks training together, learning Mother's lessons and selflessly sharing their thoughts and ideas. Only one could be Queen but both wanted the same thing, to make Mother proud.
Rojani raised and lowered her wings before folding them above her head in a more relaxed position. Her eyes searched the horizon for anything that might be unique and again found nothing.
We need to feed and then find a safe place for the night, she finally said.
Perhaps we can find one big enough for the both of us, Fenari suggested shyly.
I would like that.
The sisters soared into the air, flapping their wings slowly, each to her own rhythm. An abundance of flowers and milkweed provided them with plenty of nourishment and a variety of sweet, tasty nectar and pollens. When their bellies were full, they searched the nearby trees for a safe place large enough to accommodate them. As the sun vanished beyond the tree line they settled comfortably near each other, wings and cheeks touching. For hours they talked about what they had seen on their journeys and the lessons they had learned.
I wish we had found something unique, Rojani said, feeling depressed.
Me too, Fenari agreed. Maybe Mother is wrong. Maybe neither of us is meant to be Queen.
Maybe.
Shifting slightly, the two butterflies closed their eyes and slept and dreamt of forests and meadows filled with lush plants. Colorful blooms and tall, thin-leafed plants covered the earth as far as the eye could see, and in the distance they watched an enormous white butterfly coming toward them.
Mother?
Mother!
No, I am Lenila, Mother of your Mother, Queen of your Queen, the butterfly said. You have done well, children. Your task is almost completed. In two days you will be home. Tell me, what have you learned?
I have learned to be vigilant. That danger comes from all directions, Rojani said.
And I that it comes in all sizes, Fenari added.
That is good. What else?
Fenari and Rojani continued to tell Lenila about their experiences and the lessons learned from each. The Queen nodded her head approvingly as she listened.
You will make fine Queens, she said. There is but one more challenge left for you. Have you not found it yet?
No, Rojani said. I have seen many wonderful and frightening things — animals, plants — but nothing unique.
Nor I, Fenari added. Have we missed something?
Lenila nodded. Yes, the most important thing you will ever encounter.
How will we know what we are looking for if we do not know what it is? Fenari asked.
You will know. When you awaken, do not look so far ahead that you do not see what is beside you. Now, morning comes. I must leave.
Will we ever see you again? Rojani asked.
A Queen is never without her Queens, children, nor a daughter without her Mother. Raising her wings high, Lenila pushed downward, lifting her body into the air. Circling twice above the two sisters, she then flew away, disappearing into the pink rays of the rising sun.
* * *
Opening her eyes, Fenari felt Rojani stirring against her.
Good morning.
Good morning, Rojani said, shifting away so they could stretch their legs.
I dreamt about you... us... last night, Fenari said. We were in
a beautiful place and Mother's Mother was there.
I dreamt the same thing. She asked about our journeys. Rojani rotated her body to get a better look at her sister.
And said we were not to look so far ahead... Fenari began.
...that we did not see what is beside us, Rojani finished.
Fenari and Rojani stared into the others' eyes, each widening in surprise.
We are what Mother was talking about, they said simultaneously. We are unique!
You have learned well, daughters. Come! a familiar voice commanded from outside the safe place. Peeking through the opening, Fenari and Rojani saw Mother hovering a short distance away. Today you are Queens, Shenara announced.
That can't be! The colony has only one Queen. That is you, Mother, Rojani said.
The colony has grown too large. It needs two Queens. Today we begin the journey north so you can learn the path. Your brothers and sisters will soon follow. Eventually one of you must take half of the colony and find a new home, but only when the time is right.
What about you, Mother? Fenari asked.
This is my last journey. Once you know the way, I will join my Mother and those before her. The sisters gasped. The thought of Mother not being with them was frightening and sad. Queens are never without their Queens, Shenara said. Come, your real journey begins today.
* * *
Before Shenara had left to find Fenari and Rojani, she called all of her children together.
Children, soon you travel north. As I have led the many generations before you, I will lead you, your children and your children's children to their final homes. This is your final journey. So will it be mine. None of us will return here. It is our
way of life. Telling you this was not necessary. All of you will be gone before me. Shenara hesitated, looking at the thousands of butterflies that surrounded her. No wing moved, no eyes strayed from hers. I have loved each generation equally. Each child the same. Every death I mourned, every life I cherished. You are the first of my children to take this final journey with me even though you won't be the last. Know, though, your faces, these memories I will carry with me when I am with my Queens.
Mother? A small voice called out timidly.
Without hesitation Shenara turned to gaze at one butterfly amongst the mass surrounding her. Queens were able to identify all of their children by patterns and voices.
Yes, Sorilia.
Will we see you after we die?
I don't know. I have only been visited in my dreams by my Queen. Shenara's eyes swept over the colony. Have any of you been visited by a brother or sister?
Oroni came to me after he disappeared, Sorilia said.
And Pilara came to me after she was seduced by the Deceiver, another exclaimed. Soon other voices joined in until none were silent.
Pleased, Shenara raised and lowered her wings several times.
That is your answer, then. We will see each other again beyond this life. It will be a joyous reunion. Come now. Let me touch each of you so I may take your essence with me.
One by one each butterfly moved forward and rubbed his or her forehead against Shenara's. Afterward it flew away, making room for the next. The ceremony lasted half the day. When the last flew off, the Queen gave their southern home one final glance. Then, lifting her body into the air, she started her own journey. There were two daughters who needed her.
Several grazers lifted their heads to watch a large white butterfly soar across the meadow toward the rising sun. As it disappeared into the growing light, the grazers lost interest and returned to their morning routine of feeding. They had just arrived from their northern migration. The lush growth would provide them with the nutrients necessary for the trip home in the fall.
CHAPTER 6
FIVE ROUND TRIPS were completed before the Queens felt confident they could each lead half the colony on their own. Four had been made without Mother. Their sisters and brothers knew it was unusual having more than one Queen. When born, they were taught the history of their species. Knowledge of the past was important if they were to understand the importance of their role in the future of the colony.
The time has come, hasn't it? Fenari asked, already knowing the answer. How will we do this?
Each brother and sister will make their own choice. It is beyond our control, Rojani said. When we leave, we will keep to the main routes but take different smaller paths as we move north. Those who follow yours will be yours.
What about the nurseries? They have become crowded. Who will look for new ones?
I will look for a new one for the first generation. You must look for one for the next. The third and final are still large enough to sustain two colonies. While our children feed and grow strong we will scout other places for next year.
Fenari circled the broad leaf they were resting on. Their family was prospering under their reign. The numbers had increased.
I will miss those who follow you, Rojani, but you are a great Queen. They are lucky.
As I will those who choose you, sister. They too are lucky. I think Mother would be proud of us.
I still miss her, Fenari said.
We will see her again. Until then, we have responsibilities. Shall we begin?
Rising slowly into the air, the Queens started their journey north, their iridescent white wings fluttering at their own pace.
* * *
Winter was still several cycles away. Millions of wings fluttered through the forests and across meadows. The young butterflies enjoyed playing together, forming strong bonds. Although now two colonies, they acted as one. Family was family. Only when they started the return journey to the south would they divide back into separate groups.
Fenari and Rojani had stayed with the arriving generation through their final life cycle. Butterflies sought partners, mated, laid their eggs and then flew away amongst the tall trees, disappearing into the dark forests. When the last were gone, the Queens felt the loneliness of the empty land. It quickly vanished once the eggs hatched. The plants covered with the ravenous caterpillars were quickly consumed until, fat and bloated, the larvae could eat no more. They then metamorphosed into pupae and eventually transformed into butterflies.
* * *
It was time for the Queens to begin their search for new
nurseries. Their children were old enough to be left on their own for days at a time. Fenari and Rojani followed the southern route for half the morning, unaware they were being followed.
Do you smell that? Rojani asked, catching a strange scent.
It smells sweet, sweeter than normal, but not in the way of the Deceiver, Fenari said. Could it be another variety?
Maybe. We must be careful. Mother warned us about the addiction of excessive sweetness. If it smells too good --
— then it is probably bad, Fenari finished.
Yes, she also said there are plants that mimic the Deceiver but are harmless, Rojani said.
I remember. She told us we would know the difference. We must have faith in Mother's trust of us. We should investigate this smell. If it is another Deceiver, we can warn the colonies. If not, it may be another food source.
The sisters followed the scent trail through a dense forest, across several hills until they finally located the source, a large meadow filled with a thick carpet of grasses and wildflowers. Fenari and Rojani didn't recognize any of the floras. It was if they had flown into an entirely new world. Surveying the area, they found several more clearings. One, in particular, had an unusual rock in the middle. Its shape and color didn't blend with its surroundings. The object obviously didn't belong. Sunlight reflected off the smooth, shiny surface. Cautiously Fenari and
Rojani approached it, staying far enough away that they
could flee if they needed to. When a strange animal suddenly appeared, they realized there was a cave entrance on one side. Two similar creatures followed.
What are they? Fenari asked
I don't know.
Fenari and Rojani watched the things moving around the rock, picking up smaller ones and carrying them back into the cave. It was obvious they could communicate, which meant they were intelligent.
Mother would know what they are, Fenari said confidently.
Rojani agreed, but Mother was not there to tell them. I think we should leave now. It will take a half-day to get back to the colony. Come, sister. Turning, she caught a slight breeze and soared upward. Fenari followed. Neither looked back. If they had, they would have seen the creatures staring in their direction and a dozen small, curious butterflies flitting carelessly behind them toward the rock. Trailing behind the group was a tiny white one. Too young to be afraid and too hungry to resist the sweet smell coming from the cave, they disappeared into darkness. Neither creature seemed to notice the intruders as they too went inside. Moments later, the entrance sealed itself. The ground shook as the strangely shaped rock rose higher and higher into the air before finally vanishing into the clouds.
TOUCH OF THE BUTTERFLY
Prologue
SIP968X WAS DISCOVERED more than thirteen-thousand velyars ago. The life forms were now more diverse and evolved than many worlds presently under Lieran observation. Xplor Corporation had designated the planet a Category SIP, meaning of special interest. Three evolving species exhibited unusually high degrees of intelligence. One in particular was on the verge of space travel. They had primitive crafts with propulsion engines powerful enough to push them into orbit. Their progress was monitored every two hundred velyars by an unmanned research vessel. If the inhabitants perfected a drive efficient enough to carry them beyond their solar system, the Lieran would initiate contact. Until then, computers gathered valuable data and transmitted it to Xplor.
Planets approved for physical exploration were normally very primitive. They were EVWs, evolving worlds. Before receiving an assignment to one, Xplor researchers received extensive indoctrination in contact protocols with plant and animal life. Fear of cross-contamination between Lierans and indigenous species was a major concern. One planet had an entire eco-system destroyed because of the careless behavior of a research technician. Other worlds had suffered less severe damage but had been irreparably altered. The Lierans vowed to never repeat those mistakes.
Unfortunately, even the best of intentions is often sacrificed for profit. Screening and training didn't guarantee researchers would adhere to every regulation. Explorers were naturally
curious, a strength that, occasionally, exposed weaknesses. Xplor chose their brightest people for their research teams. Sometimes they overlooked minor infractions if person showed exceptional potential. Progress always came with risk, and profits came from progress.
CHAPTER 1
EVW984L
THE LUMINESCENT WHITE butterfly was exquisite. Light reflected off the wings, creating a faint glowing halo around an elongated golden body. Louai watched it flutter aimlessly from flower to flower, settling on one and then moving to another. The size of a small plate, it was the largest Louai had ever seen on any of the EVWs she had explored. Without thinking, she held up her left hand, palm upward, wiggling her fingers in hopes of enticing the beautiful creature closer. It worked. As if drawn by an invisible string, the butterfly launched itself off a red-and-yellow blossom straight toward her, settling lightly on her fingertips. Louai shifted the animal to her right hand, barely able to contain her excitement. She could easily make out the intricate patterns on each wing.
"You're gorgeous," Louai whispered, not wanting to startle the insect. "I know touching you is forbidden but, technically, you came to me, didn't you?" Lifting her hand higher, she raised it to eye level for a closer inspection. The butterfly adjusted its position to face Louai. Glistening dark purple eyes stared at her. Louai felt herself being drawn into their depths. The world around her momentarily disappeared, replaced by swirling ghostly images from her past; memories she had long forgotten and wished had remained that way. Then scenes of lush, tranquil forests and flowers flashed by, bringing with them a sense of calm and wonder. Suddenly the vision vanished in an explosion of colors, bringing her back to reality.
What the helvin happened? she thought, shaking her head to
clear the lingering memories and disorientation. Not wanting to risk a repeat of the experience, Louai tossed the butterfly into the air and watched it flap slowly away, unconsciously rubbing her hands together in an attempt to wipe all evidence of having handled the creature. A loud crack of thunder reminded her that a storm was moving in. From previous experiences, Louai didn't want to be caught outside when it arrived. They were usually short, but often violent.
"That wasn't very smart," she muttered, regretting her impulsive behavior, a character trait she had battled all of her life. Lylia wasn't going to be happy when she learned Louai had violated a critical Xplor regulation, especially since they had recently reinstated her after a similar infraction. Restricted to lab work for six velmons had felt like an eternity. Fortunately, Lylia, one of the top researchers in the company, agreed to team up with her if she promised to behave.
"Behave! It makes me sound like a child. What's the use of being a scientist if I can't examine specimens up close?" She sighed and then flinched as lightning flashed closer in the distance. If lucky, she had thirty velmins before the rain started, more than enough time to reach base camp. I'd better go and tell her what I've done. Dreading the impending lecture, Louai gathered her equipment and trudged quickly but reluctantly toward the ship. Hopefully Lylia wouldn't report her to Xplor. She doubted if they'd be so forgiving this time.
* * *
Crouching, Lylia studied the data scrolling across the datavid in her right hand. The soil contained interesting minerals and elements but nothing to get excited about, not that she
usually got excited about anything anymore. Well, other than the thought of seeing Ariana soon. Velyars of exploration had a way of tempering youthful exuberance and Lylia felt she had seen just
about everything there was to see. It was true every planet was unique. The chemical composition of life on habitable EVWs was less so. In the infinite worlds of possibilities, only a small window of variables existed that could sustain complex species. EVW984L was beautiful.
But boring, Lylia thought and then looked at the sky as thunder rolled ominously just beyond the tree line. Looks like a bad one coming in. I hope Louai gets back soon.
The sound of something thrashing through the underbrush snapped Lylia back to her surroundings. Slipping the datavid into her pocket she glanced around, attempting to locate the direction of the noise. To her right, the tops of bushes were being slammed aside. Whatever was moving toward her was big. Her hand moved to rest on the weapon strapped to her left hip. EVW984L wasn't a hostile world, but plenty of animals were capable of killing her or, at the very least, inflicting serious harm. Lylia had already destroyed a large-horned herbivore after it tried to gore Louai. They had inadvertently stumbled onto it while it was resting. Startled, the frightened animal attacked them, leaving Lylia no choice but to kill it. The researchers were saddened at the taking of a life.
* * *
A bush in front of Lylia shook violently. Gripping her plazgun tightly, she partially slid it from her belt but shoved it back in place when Louai's head and shoulders pushed through
the thick foliage. Her left hand was cupped in her right. Both were clutched tightly against her chest. Whether the expression on her face was fear or pain, Lylia couldn't tell, not that it mattered. Louai was in serious trouble.
"What have you done?" Lylia shouted, racing forward but barely reaching Louai in time to cushion her assistant's fall as she collapsed to her knees.
"I'm sor —"
"It's alright. I've got you," Lylia said, lowering her to the ground. "Louai! Louai! What happened?" Receiving no response, Lylia checked for a pulse. She exhaled slowly when she felt the faint beat near the right ear. Her relief was short lived. Her assistant was clearly unresponsive but her eyes were wide open. Blue bruise-like blotches began appearing on her face, followed by webs of dark green streaks. Fearing Louai was infected with an unknown organism, Lylia jumped to her feet and backed away.
Felk! What happened? What do I do now? she thought, staring in horror at her companion. Her mind raced through all the possibilities and came up empty. Think! Antivere! Yanking open the small pouch on her right hip, she grabbed a small vial. The pink solution glowed under the red rays of the sun peeking between rapidly moving clouds. Lylia snapped the tip off. Cautiously she stepped forward. Although they had been on assignment less than six velmons, she and Louai had grown close, a necessity for the mental stability required to complete the long, isolated research assignments.
I can do this. I can do this. Lylia repeated the mantra over and over in a useless attempt to control the underlying fear that Louai had contracted a transmittable disease. I'm probably already infected. Unconsciously, she wiped her free hand on her pant leg then examined it for evidence of contamination. Maybe it's something she inhaled. No, the nasal screens would prevent that. Facemasks weren't practical for long-term explorations; all offworld researchers were implanted with micro-filters,
preventing airborne contaminants from entering the lungs. Feeling panicky, she slowed her breathing. This is ridiculous. Whatever happened doesn't matter now. Kneeling, she reluctantly leaned forward and plunged the needle into Louai's neck.
* * *
Louai's face was swelling. Her eyes appeared to be closing. Lylia felt nauseous when she realized the growing puffiness of the lids was forcing them together. How much more can skin stretch? she wondered in morbid fascination. Touching Louai was no longer a possibility. Whatever was causing the bizarre reaction had progressed beyond Lylia's capability to handle. The antivere proved useless. All that was left was to watch and hope she didn't suffer the same fate. I need to record this, Lylia thought and then grimaced. Scientist to the end.
Sliding the datavid from her pocket, she activated the vidcord and swept it along the length of Louai's body. Images streamed across the screen as the instrument transmitted the recorded data to the main computer in their spaceship. At least, Lylia hoped it was being transmitted. Something in the atmosphere of EVW984L had proven problematic for any
transmission when storms were present or even nearby. Lylia wasn't sure if the approaching front would have the same effect.
Because Lylia had also pressed the emergency button, two events were automatically triggered. The information received by Comm, the onboard communication system, would be relayed to Xplor to be analyzed. What the corporation did after that was up to them. Then the research vessel's launch thrusters were locked down, preventing the ship from taking off. Xplor wasn't going to chance an epidemic outbreak on the home world. Vessel decontamination would be necessary before it could leave the planet.
Right now, Lylia needed to identify the source of Louai's illness, or at least if it was contagious before any rescue mission received authorization to land. It will probably take a good velmon before they get here, she thought. And that's the least of my problems.
Turning her attention back to Louai, Lylia was horrified to see the body had swollen to more than twice its normal size. The gray one-piece uniform was stretched to its limit. The suit would probably withstand the stress of the bloating body awhile longer but Lylia knew the exposed skin around the hands, neck and head did not have the same strength or elasticity.
"I'm sorry," Lylia murmured, feeling guilty. As a friend she felt she had failed Louai. As a scientist, the rapidly developing symptoms were intriguing. Being so close, however, was a foolish risk. Lylia stood up and backed away, her eyes never leaving Louai's distorted face — that is, until a butterfly with white wings landed on the swollen, bulbous nose.
"What the..." Slowly the butterfly raised each wing, lowered them and repeated the movement four times. A golden halo surrounded the insect's body, causing it to glow. As gently as it had landed, it lifted into the air and flew away. Mesmerized, Lylia watched it disappear into the forest. Louai had mentioned the day before that she had seen one, but Lylia didn't really believe her. That species of insect was conspicuously absent on this particular world. She thought it was wishful thinking on her associate's part, perhaps mistaking a small bird for something she hoped to see. As a scientist, Lylia knew better than to assume anything. She should have asked more questions, not that it made any difference now. They wouldn't be sharing this experience. "A butterfly," Lylia murmured, looking down at Louai, hoping beyond reason she had seen it too.
What Lylia saw paralyzed her. Gasping, she gagged, trying to suppress the urge to vomit.
Eyeballs protruded, extending outward beyond horribly swollen cheeks. Instinctively, Lylia raised her hands up to block what she knew was about to happen. She was barely able to shield her eyes before the head exploded, spewing greenish-blue ooze over the surrounding area.
"Felk!"
Dropping the datavid, she frantically wiped at the thick, warm goo covering her face, inadvertently smearing some into her eyes. If she wasn't infected before, she had to be now. Going home was no longer a possibility. Considering the rapid advancement of Louai's symptoms, Lylia probably had velmins left before the same thing happened to her.
* * *
The datavid seemed so close... agonizingly close and yet unreachable.
Lylia's legs felt heavy, almost as heavy as her arms. Her uniform was designed to be comfortably formfitting, capable of stretching and adapting to the type of physical work required for exploratory expeditions. Even it, though, had limitations. Looking down at her thighs she saw they had doubled in size. Her hands and wrists were puffy, more than twice their normal size. Unable to flex her fingers, Lylia knew she would be dead in velsecs. Still, she wasn't going down without a fight. Xplor needed to know what happened. If a rescue team arrived, it could suffer the same fate, especially if the transmission hadn't gotten through.
Shuffling awkwardly forward, she tried to nudge the datavid with her toe.
I... can... do...
A butterfly flitted near her foot and then settled on the top of her boot.
"You... a... gain," Lylia gasped. The pressure on her chest was making it difficult to breathe.
Wings flapping slowly, it moved delicately across the surface of her boot and then launched itself in the air directly toward Lylia's face, fluttering frantically. Lylia wanted to blink so badly but her lids wouldn't move. She stared helplessly at the creature, overwhelming curiosity replacing the horror of everything else.
The butterfly soared upward to eye level. Purple eyes stared into Lylia's. The world around her disappeared, replaced by a swirling colorful mass of kaleidoscopic images — shifting patterns of trees, plants, flowers constantly changing shapes until they finally morphed into a single mosaic of --
The image disappeared and with it the return of reality. Lylia's lifeless body crumpled to the ground.
CHAPTER 2
ARIANA PEERED AT THE organism swimming in the crystal globe. The specimen had been delivered to her from one of the eleven research vessels monitoring the twenty-six SIP planets that had been discovered in the Kalgar Quadrant. This specimen was particularly interesting. It had the ability to alter its surface colors and patterns, making it almost invisible. Were it not for the Similor energy beams reacting with the Sustainer fluid, the casual observer would see nothing more than a globe filled with a clear liquid.
"Have you discovered its secret?" Sorelle asked, walking up to peer over Ariana's shoulder.
"I just received this specimen yesterday," Ariana said, sounding a bit exasperated. "And would you please quit looking over my shoulder like that? You know how I hate people doing that."
"Sorry." Sorelle shifted slightly to Ariana's left and motioned toward the globe. "It doesn't look like much, does it."
"Maybe not, but if we can discover how it blends so perfectly with its background, we might be able to replicate the process. We could physically explore the SIPs. Can you imagine living amongst other intelligent life forms undetected?" Ariana asked and immediately regretted her words.
Sorelle would never get that opportunity. He was an excellent scientist but incapable of controlling his curiosity, often taking unnecessary risks in the rush to find answers. His requests to be assigned to a research vessel were always refused.
Xplor wanted quick results, but not at the cost of lives or equipment, especially equipment. Over-exuberance could prove disastrous, financially and politically. The corporation spent a fortune screening research applicants, identifying character flaws and weaknesses. Enthusiasm was welcomed, within reason.
"I'll never have that opportunity," Sorelle said, his voice tinged with suppressed anger. "It's not fair. I'm one of the brightest brains at Xplor. My record is impeccable and they have profited considerably from my work. If I'm passed over again, I might as well put in for retirement."
Ariana didn't know what to say. She understood Sorelle's disappointment. He was eighty-five and had never been spaceside. At forty-three, she was one of the brightest scientists at Xplor. Her credentials were impressive, seven expeditions to EV1s, three to the more advanced EV2s. With fifty-six patentable discoveries, multiple degrees in plant and microbial life forms, both primitive and advanced, Ariana was a valuable asset to Xplor. One EV2 was being upgraded to SIP thanks to Ariana and Lylia's excellent observations and research. The corporation was rewarding them with a new assignment to another Special Interest Planet once Lylia returned from her present assignment.
CHAPTER 3
Two years earlier
ARIANA AND LYLIA had been on the waiting list for five velmons when they were notified of their next assignment. EVW788L was scheduled for an update evaluation. The evolving world had not been visited in almost five-hundred velyars. The last exploration team had made a few interesting observations about peculiar plant behavior but was unable to establish the cause. Xplor had flagged the planet as a 'to watch' and scheduled it for a follow-up visit.
They had spent almost four velmons categorizing the flora and fauna on EVW788L. Plants were lush and abundant; the animals that fed on them numerous and diversified. Predators existed but were rare. For the most part the planet was a vegetarian's dream.
The research team spent most of their time cataloguing plant and animal life, assigning each species a genus and epithet based on characteristics such as color, shape, size and molecular make-up. The discovery of a handful of grasses that had developed a rudimentary form of communication was more than Lylia and Ariana could have hoped for.
"Did you ever imagine we'd find something like this?" Ariana asked excitedly, barely able to keep from jumping up and down like a schoolgirl. "Intelligent plants! It's amazing!"
"There's no reason to think plants can't evolve into intelligent life forms," Lylia reasoned, amused at her assistant's
childlike enthusiasm. "Statistically, it was only a matter of time before one of our teams found one."
"Maybe, but we're that team. How can you be so calm about this? Others would kill to be in our boots right now."
"I doubt that." Lylia gave Ariana a wry grin and patted her on the shoulder. "Let's review everything one more time. We need to make sure our conclusions are irrefutable before we report to Xplor. You know the rules: verify, verify, verify. Now, let's go over the logs. You're the plant expert. Read to me what you have in your notes. They have to be precise."
Ariana pulled the datavid from her hip pocket and tapped the screen several times.
"Where are you?" she mumbled, unaware of Lylia's faint, knowing smile. It wasn't a secret Ariana hated the newest prototype to their data-gathering arsenal. Xplor had incorporated more functions than any single Lieran could remember. "Ah, here we go," Ariana said and proceeded to read what she had written. "Completed categorization of animal and plant life on the four major continents and seven islands. We decided to investigate small volcanic island in Sector 5, Quadrant 33, Southern pole, Region 101. Three active volcanoes present. Two dormants. Identified several unique plant species unrelated to any on the other sites. Possible deviation may be evolutionary changes due to extreme volcanic activity, isolation from nearest Continents Seisa and Segma, or unusually high latitudinal temperatures. Plants of interest —"
"Ari, just read what you have on this particular plant," Lylia said. "The other stuff isn't important right now."
"Oh, sorry. Let's see..." Arian scrolled further down. "Okay... Spidorous Rizonel... a short, wide-bladed grass species. Colors vary from pale green to deep purple depending on acidity and alkalinity of surrounding soils. Appears to multiply by sending rhizome-like shoots underground to surrounding areas but appears not to be aggressively invasive. They form subterranean structures similar to a spider web." Looking up at Lylia, Ariana smiled proudly. "I thought that was a pretty good name for this particular grass."
Lylia nodded but fluttered her fingers signaling for Ariana to carry on with her report.
"When threatened, Spidorous Rizonel rubs its blades together, creating a low-pitched hum that resonates at about fifty velmets. Grass within that range mimics the behavior, increasing the frequency strength to three hundred velmets. While the sound is below the audible range of Lierans, grazers apparently hear it. All feeding activity ceases." Glancing up at Lylia, Ariana tapped the screen with her finger. "This behavior was repeated only when grazers resumed eating. When animals aren't grazing on Spidorous Rizonel, no frequencies are emitted."
"What about the nearby fields?"
"Nothing happened. There was no noticeable change in the plants or the grazers' behavior in the adjacent areas as long as this particular plant wasn't under assault."
"That's certainly different, but not enough to conclude —"
"Today was different," Ariana interrupted excitedly. "Three young grazers ignored the warning — if that's what it is. They
continued eating and died almost instantly. I ran a blood analysis on each and all showed high levels of trilynic acid."
"Trilynic? In a grazer?" Lylia asked, her expression reflecting her surprise. "That would inhibit the digestive system's ability to break down plant fiber."
"I know. It surprised me too, so I tested the grasses near where they were eating. Not only did it have trilynics but also phelotetona. I don't know of any complex organism that could withstand that strong a digestive acid. Still, the phelotetona may be weakening it to a tolerable level. Perhaps it's normal in these grazers."
"Not according to our earlier scans. Neither chemical was present in the adults," Lylia said. "You said they died almost immediately. Trilynic is strong but even it takes time for the acid to penetrate the guts, babies or not. This is an extremely hardy species."
Ariana unconsciously nodded her head.
"I know. That's why I performed an autopsy on them... bionetically, of course," Ariana added. "I wouldn't think of jeopardizing our futures by touching them."
"Your future," Lylia said. "Mine is never in jeopardy."
"Rub it in. Just because you received a lifetime achievement commendation doesn't make you irreplaceable."
Lylia's eyebrows shot upward. "Actually, it does," she said and motioned for Ariana to get on with it. Only seven others had
received Xplor's top award. The corporation didn't present them often. Lylia had spent half her life traveling to different worlds, examining their eco-systems. She had also developed an efficient system for categorizing plants, animals, minerals and anomalies. Xplor was able to quickly consolidate data from each research team, saving the corporation time and money. As far as the company was concerned, Lylia was indispensable — and she knew it, although she never allowed it to go to her head. Too many lives depended on her judgment and decisions. "Are you finished?" Lylia asked when Ariana didn't immediately start reading.
"Almost. As I was going to say, the grazers' primary and secondary stomachs were liquefied within velmins. The surrounding organs turned into a gelatinous goo."
"Gelatinous goo? Is that some new scientific term?" Lylia teased.
"No, but it's as good a description as any technical jargon. Anyone reading the report will understand what I mean. These animals suffered a horrible death."
"Maybe the phelo is acting as a catalyst with the tri. They don't occur together naturally, so the reaction could be creating a toxic byproduct that they aren't able to metabolize. I'd put my bet on that scenario at the moment."
Ariana nodded. "It's as good a theory as any."
"We need more information. Move six of the recorders to monitor the Spidorous field around the clock. If we can prove this particular plant is sending warnings to the rest and that
grazers recognize those signals as a potential threat, we should be able to convince Xplor that it's an evolving intelligence. Good job, Ari."
Ariana beamed at the compliment. Although ten velyars older, Lylia was her mentor and best friend. They had been on four expeditions together and had grown close. Not surprising, since Xplor tested every team candidate for compatibility. Exploratory missions were usually only a few months long, but some could last up to a year depending on distance, planet size and evolutionary stages. Researchers were encouraged to develop mental and emotional bonds during their voyages to minimize stress and prevent boredom. After each assignment they were put on a one velmon hiatus and then returned to normal lab duty for three velmons under the guise of 'Refreshering.' Everyone knew it was Xplor's way of monitoring their mental stability. If the probation period was completed without any serious violations, they were reinstated for new assignments and placed on rotation.
* * *
"Ari, have you sent Xplor our last report yet?" Lylia asked.
"For the third time, yes. Are you feeling alright?" Ariana walked over to her associate who was kneeling on one knee examining a small, feathery plant. "Where's your bio-mask?"
"I took it off. We've been here almost three velmons and have examined almost every square velin in this area. Nothing on this planet produces hazardous pollen or spores. The air quality is almost as good as what our ship's purification system produces.
The chance of inhaling something dangerous is miniscule at best."
"Miniscule is still an unacceptable risk and you know it," Ariana chided. "You've preached that to me a thousand times."
"A thousand? You're not that slow a learner," Lydia replied, giving Ariana a cheeky grin.
"I'm serious. If you don't follow protocols, how can you expect others to?"
Lylia sighed. "You're right, of course. I'll be glad when they perfect those micro-filters." Reaching for the small mask dangling below her chin, she started to pull it over her nose and mouth when Ariana stopped her.
"It's a bit late for that isn't it?" Ariana pulled her own mask down and grinned. "We're a team so what happens to you happens to me."
"Now that's not very smart," Lylia said. "If something did happen, you could return home."
"And leave you here? All alone? Not on your life! Besides, the trip back would be unbearable. I'd be bored to death, not to mention very frustrated."
"Oh, so I'm just a good lay, huh?" Lylia asked, making a wry face.
"Did I ever say you were good?" Ariana teased and then relented. "Alright, you're good. In fact you're a wonderful lover. The best there ever was. Now do you feel better?"
Rising to her feet, Lylia brushed soil off her knees and then removed her gloves.
"Assuming you're not being sarcastic, yes. And to make sure you remember that, how about we take a few velmins to prove it?"
"Now?"
Lylia nodded.
"You're joking, right?" Ariana asked.
Lylia shook her head. Her copper orange eyes darkened to an almost earthy brown, a clear sign of her arousal.
Ariana grinned. "Why not?" Stepping closer, she ran her fingers down Lylia's cheek. "But I'm not about to go primitive and do anything on the ground. There may not be anything in the air but I'm not about to chance having something crawl up my butt. I'll see you in our cabin. Give me ten velmins, though. I have a surprise for you." Ariana turned and strolled seductively toward the spacecraft, slightly exaggerating the sway of her hips. Halfway to the ship, she turned and looked back. "Oh! And make sure you arrive naked. I don't want to waste time undressing you."
* * *
Running the back of her hand down Lylia's neck, Ariana leaned forward and pressed her right cheek against Lylia's and exhaled, knowing the effect it would have on her partner. Lylia inhaled the scent of her lover's warm breath. It reminded her of
povenspice, a sweet nut seasoning used to flavor frozen desserts. She could feel her heartbeat increasing with anticipation of what was to come.
Lieran cheeks were extremely sensitive. A light caress could easily arouse the passion of the recipient if the partners were compatible. Foreplay was essential and often lasted a velhor or more; anything less was usually a sign of inexperience or disinterest. Delicate strokes to cheeks, neck and shoulders excited specialized receptors under the skin, causing the skin to produce hormonal secretions designed to enhance sexual arousal. The more released, the greater the sexual experience. Lip-to-lip contact wasn't unheard of, but rarely provided enough stimulation to make it worthwhile. Only the most experienced lover dared to kiss. Lylia was that lover.
"You know we're spending way too much time doing this?" Ariana whispered as Lylia nuzzled her right ear.
"Are you complaining?"
"No, but I do have an image to uphold."
Lylia leaned slightly backward, making eye contact with Ariana.
"What image is that?" Ariana's dark eyebrows shot up and Lylia smiled. "Oh, that image! Well, your secret is safe with me." Lylia rolled onto her back pulling Ariana close. "You know the corporation expects their researchers to interact on assignments. Even encourages it."
"I know, and I've tried to satisfy all my partners, but it always felt more like work."
"Maybe it was," Lylia said, running her fingers through Ariana's hair. "Being compatible working doesn't mean being compatible in bed. I heard rumors..."
Ariana shifted her position to stare at Lylia.
"Rumors? What kind of rumors?"
"Nothing bad. Just that you were all business, very professional and verrry task oriented. At least that's what one of your team members said. All perfectly true."
"I'm a scientist! I'm supposed to be that," Ariana said. "And who's been talking about me?"
"Of course you are. No one said it was a bad thing." Lylia's lips curled up at the corners.
"You're teasing me, aren't you?" Punching her on the shoulder, Ariana resumed her previous position. "What do you think?" she asked.
"Me? I think you're professional, task oriented, aannd a terrific lover."
Smiling, Ariana wrapped her arm around Lylia's waist and squeezed.
"Only because of you. I never knew sex could be so wonderful."
Lylia grinned.
"Like everything it has to be studied, tried and perfected. I happen to believe in practice, practice, practice."
"You make it sound so clinical. Is that what it is to you?"
"No, but that's what it took to learn the skills. And now we both reap the benefits. You get the pleasure of my expertise and I get you."
"You know if we weren't —"
"Oh, but we are," Lylia said, her voice turning slightly husky. "Enough talk though. I need more practice." Ariana rolled onto her back. "As a professional, I'm sure you agree."
"Oh, by all means, practice away."
* * *
After wrapping up their research on EVW788L, the two researchers returned home. It often took velmons or even velyars for the data to be thoroughly reviewed. If their hypothesis of the intelligent plants was accepted, they would be credited with the discovery and split a substantial reward. The EV world would be re-categorized as a SIP, making a future expedition possible sooner.
CHAPTER 4
The Present
ARIANA HAD JUST FINISHED logging in the results of her day's work when Sorelle came rushing in, clearly agitated.
"Ari, have you heard?"
"Heard what?" she asked, surprised by his sudden appearance. "And why are you still here? I thought you were leaving early today."
"I was but then I heard a tech tell another that Comm-Command lost touch with one of our research vessels. When I asked him about it he said I had misunderstood and then hurried off. I knew better. It took a while but I managed to contact a friend of mine who works in communication. She said it was true."
"What ship?"
Sorelle glanced nervously at the floor and then looked up.
"The Rondal."
"Lylia and Louai's ship?"
Sorelle nodded. "They haven't filed a report in the last seventy-eight velhors and Comm-Command can't get a response from them or the emergency response system."
"It must be an equipment failure. We have too many fail-safes for it to be anything else." Ariana yanked off her lab coat and pulled on her jacket.
"Where are you going?" Sorelle asked.
"To see what I can find out."
"You can't. Command doesn't want anyone to know about this yet."
"I don't care what they want," Ariana declared. "If Lylia's involved, I —"
Sorelle grabbed her arm. "Listen, Ari, that information was given to me in confidence. If you start asking questions they'll want to know where you heard this. She'll lose her job. Wait a bit longer. They're not going to be able to keep this quiet more than a few velhors. They have to notify Sec-Central after eighty-four velhors and... well, there's really nothing you can do for now. Besides, didn't Lylia mention weather issues in her last communication to you? Maybe it's just a natural interference."
"Maybe, and maybe it's something more serious. Another six velhors of not knowing is too long. I'm not waiting —"
"Please, Ari. You know I'm right. Besides, if you appear too distressed over this they'll send you home. It's a minimum one velwek leave for anyone labeled emotionally unstable. Do you want that?"
Shaking her head, Ariana realized Sorelle was right. The corporation knew individuals developed emotional attachments that lasted well beyond their research assignments. It was to be
expected and deemed acceptable, as long as it didn't interfere with their work.
"What am I supposed to do, Sorelle? If something's happened to Lylia..."
"...then you'll want to be on the rescue team. You've already been reinstated to active flight status and with your record you should get preferential consideration. Do this right and you can request the assignment. If they think you're too emotionally involved they'll refuse you." Taking Ariana by the shoulders, Sorelle pushed her down onto her stool. "You know I'm right." She did. "Wait. If or when they confirm something is wrong, then do what you have to."
Ariana nodded and sighed. Sorelle was right. "Thank you." Leaning her head against his shoulder she closed her eyes for a few seconds.
* * *
Geora Moulara, Xplor's chief security officer, stared at the report on his desk. The EVW984L research team hadn't updated their status in the last eighty-six velhors. All attempts at communicating with the vessel or the crew had been unsuccessful. Corporate policy required they wait an additional twelve velhors before launching a rescue ship. That wasn't very much time to make the proper preparations. If anyone but their top scientist had been on the team, they could wait even longer. Lylia's safety was too important to ignore.
"They should never allow our best researchers on these missions," he grumbled. "Who do we have capable enough to
lead a rescue mission?" he asked his executive officer.
Jamana Rebera handed him the list. "We have seventeen experienced pilots on the active list and twenty-three navigators. Seven med-personnel are qualified for rescue but none have been off-planet. We should also include someone with a micro-bio background just in case."
"I agree. The last thing we need is another virus or bacteria making its way back here. The last time that happened it took velyars before we paid off all the claims."
"Not to mention our exploration program was almost legislated out of existence," Jamana added. "The public would demand it this time, especially if something —"
"Exactly! We need to make sure the members of the rescue team are discreet and trustworthy. The company's interests are the priority," Geora said.
"I understand. I'll review each one's file."
Geora nodded and dismissed Jamana.
* * *
Commander Rebera carefully examined the woman in front of him and then reviewed the data on the monitor to his left.
"Miss Colorun, I see you volunteered for this mission. Why?"
Ariana had never met Security's second-in-command but had heard a lot about him. The most important thing was that he was
a company man. That meant he cared nothing about her personal relationship with Lylia, and frankly she preferred it that way.
"I believe I have the best credentials and am the most qualified to lead this expedition," she replied. "I'm an experienced pilot, navigator and hold degrees in multiple bio specialties. I'm also a trained med tech."
"You think highly of yourself, Miss Colorun," Jamana said, sounding slightly sarcastic.
"If by that you mean I recognize my worth then yes, and so does Xplor. I don't think I need to remind you that I've received several bonuses and awards from the corporation. And one planet is being upgraded to SIP because of my work. Xplor has profited enormously from my skills and knowledge."
"I'm aware of your work and the significance of that to Xplor. It's my understanding that Lylia Teylra was your research companion on that SIP mission. Does that have anything to do with your request?"
"Of course, Commander Rebera. Lylia is a great scientist as well as my mentor. If something happened to her it would be a tremendous loss to Xplor, myself and future scientists in this company."
"Yourself, meaning from an emotional standpoint or scientific?" Jamana asked, leaning back in his chair while giving her a hard look.
"First and foremost, scientific. Although I won't deny that I like Lylia. She's intelligent, professional and competent. As for
the emotional standpoint, as you put it, while we are sexually compatible I have no strong emotional attachment to her. I'm sexually compatible with many team members."
"That's good! I'd have to deny your request if I thought you were in love with her. You understand. Company policy prohibits —"
"I'm aware of company policy. I assure you, Commander, my concern is the loss to Xplor. My libido can be more than satisfied by any number of choices available."
"I can well imagine." The commander's eyes roamed up and down her body in a detached way. "Your experience means I won't need to assign more than three people to this mission. Since you'll be leading it, do you have any preferences for the navigator and bio-specialist assistant?"
"Navigator, no. As for my assistant, I'd like Sorelle Laeren. We work well together."
Jamana scrolled through the list of active personnel and frowned.
"Laeren. I don't see his name on any of my lists."
"He isn't on the active list," Ariana said.
"Miss Colorun, you know I can't approve of anyone —"
"Commander, we both know Xplor will want this mission to be carried out as discreetly as possible. Sorelle has no family members or friends that will ask questions or demand compensation if something goes wrong. He's an excellent
scientist who's about to retire without having been off-planet even once. In other words, he'll do anything asked of him for this opportunity and keep his mouth shut afterward. Besides, he's the only one I'd trust to follow my instructions to the letter should we find it impossible to return home... if you know what I mean."
Jamana knew exactly what she meant.
"All good points. As long as he understands the complexity of the situation I'll approve him, but I'm holding you responsible if something goes wrong."
"Captains are always held responsible, Commander," Ariana said and stood to leave. "I don't care who you get for the
navigator. Everyone on the list is competent. Is that all?"
"For now," Jamana said, feeling he had just been dismissed. "Be prepared to leave in seven velhors."
Ariana tipped her head slightly, acknowledging the order, and left the room without looking back. Jamana activated the vidscreen, opening a link to his boss to update him on the status of the rescue mission.
CHAPTER 5
"I'M WHAT?"
"You heard me. Get packed. We leave in less than seven velhors," Ariana said. The excitement on Sorelle's face was priceless.
"But I'm not even active! I'm too old..."
"Sorelle, do you want to go on this mission or not?"
"Of course I do! I've dreamed of this all my life."
"Then get packed and meet me at launch bay four in two velhors. I'll explain everything then, but keep this to yourself. No one, not even your friend in communications, is to know you're going. Is that understood?" He nodded. "And Sorelle, I told Commander Rebera you were the only one I trusted to follow my orders without question. You understand, right?"
Giving her a questioning look, he hesitated and then realized what she meant.
"We may not return home."
"That's always been a possibility on research assignments. Normally, we think it's because we'll have no choice, but there might be one. I need to know that if I say we can't, for whatever reason, you'll back me all the way."
"You have my word, Ari. And... well, thank you." Sorelle hurried from the lab, his excitement obvious by a youthful stride he hadn't exhibited in many velyars.
* * *
Ariana, Sorelle and pilot/navigator Clieron completed their pre-flight checkup. Their departure was scheduled in two-point-three velhors. The shuttle had dropped them off at the space terminal orbiting Liera. Xplor had assigned their fastest ship in the fleet, the Zayon. Larger than the standard research vessel, it provided sleeping quarters for seven as well as a small lounge and kitchen. Crew members had the choice of eating pre-prepared nutritional items or making their own meals from concentrates stored in the food lockers.
The control center was positioned in a small dome mounted in the middle of the ship. Several crystalline windows gave the crew a 360-degree upper view of their surroundings while vids and sensors monitored everything beneath the belly of the craft. The outer skin of the body was made from a dense silver mineral mined from the Lieran moons. Virtually impenetrable, it provided the protection needed to withstand high-speed particle impacts during space travel. Absorbent photon shields captured intergalactic low-level light emissions from distant stars, converting the weakened beams into energy for propulsion, ship operations and life support. Space travel was no longer restricted to fuel consumption and capacity. Millions of stars provided an unlimited source from the light spectrum.
* * *
"What do we know about EVW984L?" Ariana asked, spinning in her chair to look at her two companions.
"For one thing, it's going to take us less than a velmon to reach it, which is considerably faster than one of the regular ships. Xplor must really be concerned about something if they gave us their newest prototype," Clieron said.
"Have you any experience with this model?" Sorelle asked nervously.
"I've taken it for a few test drives. That's probably why I was assigned to the mission. There were a few glitches but I was told they were worked out."
"Glitches? Like what?"
"Relax, Sorelle," Ariana said. "New technologies always have a few problems. You can bet if it was something to worry about we wouldn't be here. The company's not going to risk losing one of their most expensive investments."
"Exactly!" Clieron agreed. "Now, back to your question. Xplor's been monitoring EVW984L's evolutionary progress for almost ten thousand velyars. They think it has the potential to be upgraded to an SIP based on data sent from the most recent UEV. Personally I'm not too hyped about the new unmanned exploratory vessels, but they do save money. Anyway, Lylia and Louai were sent to collect additional information. You know Corp policy... monitor, monitor, verify, verify, verify. Makes me wonder why they don't get rid of all the UEVs and just send the teams. All the technology in the world isn't as good as old-fashioned hands-on explorations."
"Spoken like a true navigator," Ariana said. "If you're so into old fashioned, why aren't you piloting one of those old buckets the supply companies use? Some of them still use compression drive systems. That's as old as it gets."
Clieron laughed.
"I'm talking science stuff not transport. Technology is great for getting us from system to system, but the vessels still need good navigators and pilots."
"And you're a good navigator I suppose," Ariana quipped.
"Absolutely, and a great pilot! That's why I'll get us to our destination quicker. I can plot the best gravitational pulls for slinging and how to avoid starstorms. Now do you want to take us out of here or should I?"
"You do it. I'm familiar with the system but haven't actually tested this model. Sorelle and I need to review the reports the research team transmitted. Hopefully they'll give us insight into what happened."
"Forewarned being forearmed," Clieron said and turned his attention to the control panels.
"Something like that."
* * *
Sorelle and Ariana spent most of their time reviewing all the data Lylia and Louai had forwarded to Xplor. The reports were typically uneventful, focusing on the life, topography and climate. From everything Ariana and Sorelle could determine,
the EVW appeared relatively benign with few predators and mild temperatures. If the data was accurate the planet was actually boring, a researcher's worst nightmare.
"So far I've found nothing in their reports that raise serious concerns," Sorelle said. "This EV is unusually favorable for exploration."
"I know... uncomfortably so. It sounds too good to be true. Knowing Lylia, she was probably bored to death on this assignment."
"Not every planet needs to be exciting to be interesting. I
think this would be a perfect place to explore, especially for a beginner. Besides, there has to be a few propitious planets amongst the millions of stars."
"Propitious?" Ariana laughed.
Sorelle blushed, lowering his gaze. "You know what I mean."
"Yes." Patting Sorelle on the arm, Ariana smiled fondly at her companion. He often used unusual words to describe things. "It's a good thing we stopped the colonization program. This one sounds like a prime candidate to settle. Temperate climates and an abundance of life are irresistible. Anyway, there's nothing in their reports to indicate a problem. They were scheduled to return home three veldans after the last transmission. Whatever happened, it came about suddenly."
"It could be just a communication issue," Sorelle said. "The weather or something."
Ariana knew better. The chance of that was zero. Weather could be a factor for a short time but not this long. Each Xplor vessel had multiple independently operated technologies for the transmission and reception of voice, image and data, not to mention a redundant backup system. Theoretically, a total failure could only occur if a ship was instantly destroyed, an unlikely event. Onboard sensors analyzed potential threats and automatically took evasive actions. The data was transmitted to Xplor where the information was processed, stored and uploaded to the rest of the fleet for future reference. Ariana shook her head.
"No. I have a feeling it's something worse."
* * *
"Ariana!"
Ariana swiped at the hand shaking her shoulder.
"Ariana! We're almost to 984L. Do you want primary or secondary seat?" Clieron asked. Xplor regulations required two crew members to be at the controls during landings. It was normally the most dangerous part of the flight.
"Second is fine." Ariana rubbed her eyes and sat up. "How long before we reach the planet?"
"You mean how many times have we circled it?" Clieron teased. "I thought we should do a few orbital scans to see what we're getting into."
"And?"
"And so far nothing that raises any concerns. A few storms, but nothing to worry about. Atmosphere is similar to Liera. Like the reports said, temperature and climate are moderate. I've located the Rondal. We should be able to put our ship down near enough to reach her quickly. I still have to go over the landing protocols with you and transmit the data to Xplor for final authorization."
"Great job, Clieron." Ariana pulled on her boots and went to find Sorelle. She knew he would want to be awake to experience his first off-world landing.
* * *
"Make sure your bio-grav is activated," Clieron said, glancing momentarily at Sorelle.
"It's on," Sorelle replied.
"What color is the light?"
Sorelle sighed. "Green. I know how to operate bio-gravs."
"He's just doing his job," Ariana cut in. "Anything can happen during our approach. If something goes wrong, we don't need you flying around the cabin slamming into us or the equipment or being injured. You're no use to me if you can't work."
"Sorry," Sorelle apologized.
Ariana nodded her acceptance of the apology. Her tone probably sounded a bit harsh but neither she nor Clieron would
be able to assist the scientist if there was a problem. They would be locked into their own seats until touchdown.
"Repositioning for final approach, vector 103A... altitude 7545, attitude 180, rotation 2 degrees, 2 velsec intervals, slowing descent," Clieron said. "Altitude 6899 at 150... rotation 5 degrees at 4 velsecs."
"Slow rotation to 3 degrees and maintain 4 velsecs," Ariana said.
"I thought I had primary. Slowing rotation to 3 at 4 velsecs." Clieron glanced up from the controls and made eye contact with Ariana. "Are you assuming the controls?"
"Sorry," she replied. "Continue."
"Altitude 3400, attitude 90 positioned for landing. Touchdown in 13 velsecs. 10... 9... 8..."
A slight shudder shook the ship as the three anti-grav boosters activated, creating a magnetic field similar to but
slightly less than the planet's own geo-magnetic energy. As the ship descended, the strength of the field decreased while the gravitational pull increased, allowing the vessel to sink until it settled softly on the surface.
"Touchdown complete. Shutdown phase initiated," Clieron announced, pressing several buttons on the console around him. "Sensors indicate atmosphere quality is good. We won't need enhancement gear."
"What's the weather like outside?" Ariana asked, turning to Sorelle.
"85 veldegres. Slightly cloudy. No unusual weather activity. The sun will be setting in about three velhors. We should wait until morning before going outside."
"I agree. Scan the area. Nothing in the reports indicate serious threats on this EV but we can't be sure. Also activate the perimeter defense. Better safe than sorry. And instruct Comm to transmit our ID and location every five velmins. If the Rondal's Comm is working, it might respond."
"Do you want me to stand watch?"
Ariana shook her head.
"The defense system should be adequate. Get some rest. Tomorrow we'll locate the Rondal and check it out."
CHAPTER 6
CLIERON HAD DONE an excellent job of setting the Zayon near the Rondal, thanks to the coordinates provided by Xplor. The vessel was resting in a small clearing only a two-point-one velhor trek from the rescue ship. Vines covered the hull while tall, waist-high grasses surrounded it. It was almost invisible to the naked eye.
"The protective shields must be deactivated. They'd have prevented that," Clieron said.
"It's protocol," Ariana. "Researchers are required to keep as small a footprint as possible. The unnecessary destruction of plant life is unacceptable. Lylia is a stickler for following regulations."
"Protocol or not, Xplor wouldn't want those things growing like that," Clieron replied. "Where do you want to start? The ship or the surrounding area?"
"The ship. Whatever went wrong, that should be the safest place."
"Ship it is." Pressing a button on his datavid, he spoke into a voice sensor. "Zayon, open main door to Rondal."
"Opening Rondal main door," a female voice responded.
"Thank you, Zayon."
Clieron, Sorelle and Ariana watched the ship's door as it lowered to the ground providing a ramp for them to walk up.
"You two stay here," Ariana said. "I'll check inside."
"Do you think that's wise?" Sorelle asked. "What if —"
"We don't jeopardize all of us at one time. If something happens to me, someone has to let Xplor know what's going on."
* * *
The lights inside the Rondal eased on as Ariana progressed toward the control room. She had checked the sleeping quarters, galley and supply rooms. Nothing appeared out of order, except for the missing crew.
Where are you, Lylia? she thought. What happened here?
The answer was obvious. Nothing had happened. The ship was on emergency lockdown but not because of anything occurring from within. A quick review of the last recorded data indicated an approaching storm that day but nothing else. Ariana would have to search elsewhere. The prospect of Lylia and Louai being alive was disappearing quickly. Activating her datavid, she informed Clieron and Sorelle of her findings.
"Lock her up," she said, walking over to where the two men were standing.
"Nothing?" Clieron asked.
Ariana shook her head.
"Everything inside is in order. The last log entry showed a storm approaching. Maybe they were caught outside and couldn't get back. Has Zayon picked up any life signs yet?"
"No, nothing Lieran, anyway. There are several indigenous species moving around the area but nothing that I'd call a threat. A few hundred velmets to the east is a herd of grazers, something Louai was more interested in than Lylia, according to the reports," Sorelle said.
"Anything in the other directions?"
"Not really. More clearings and forests. A small mountain range but that's a three veldan walk. I doubt they'd travel that far from the ship."
"Not without a rover, and this explorer model isn't big enough to carry one. Lylia wouldn't want to be that far away from home base. I don't know about Louai."
Sorelle checked the researcher's bio.
"She's been reprimanded and suspended before. If Lylia hadn't specifically asked for her she'd probably be released from her contract."
"Lylia wouldn't ask for her if she wasn't good at her job," Ariana said.
"That doesn't make her a poster child," Sorelle replied. "She's broken a few regs recently."
"Haven't we all?"
"Ari, I'm not attacking the woman's credentials. Of course she would be good at what she does, but she has an undeniable history."
Closing her eyes, Ariana took a deep breath. Sorelle was right. Why she wanted to defend someone she'd never met she didn't know.
"All right! Let's assume Louai is somewhat of a wild child. Lylia is usually a by-the-book person. Even if she goes off regs once in a while, she's not going to do anything to risk her companion or herself."
"She wouldn't have to, but there's always the chance of something going wrong, including a team member being a little... overenthusiastic. Like you said, whatever happened here wasn't on the ship. That means we investigate the surrounding area," Sorelle said.
Clieron, who had been listening to the discussion, nodded in agreement.
"I suggest we base from here. The Rondal is equipped with everything we need. It'll save us about a half-veldan of travel time."
"Good idea," Ariana said. "Open her up again. We'll get Environ up and running, cook a meal and then take a quick look around."
"Might be better if we wait until morning," Sorelle said. "Night's only a few velhors away. We can look over the logs and see if there's any information in Lylia's or Louai's personal files." Anticipating Ariana's objection, he held up his right hand. "I know! I don't like the idea either but we don't have a choice. It might give us some insight into what went wrong. If it makes you feel better, you check the personal stuff and I'll go over the scientific data."
* * *
Ariana spent half the night watching the two researchers' personal vids. Seeing Lylia, hearing her voice, brought memories rushing back of their expedition to EVW788L. The last recording brought tears to her eyes.
Lylia had apparently just finished her shower and was stretched out on the bed relaxing, a sheet partially concealing her nude body from the vid. Louai was sleeping next to her.
"Personal log — Lylia, ID XP4986." Lylia gave the date. It was almost three velmons ago. "Well, we'll be heading home soon. Louai and I have categorized about everything on this planet... at least it feels that way. So far I've found nothing to get too excited about. Louai disagrees. Young people have a way of seeing something in nothing. She's a good scientist. Maybe a little too enthusiastic at times but she's accurate and precise. One day she might be as good as Ariana." Lylia stopped talking for a moment. Her face took on an almost longing expression. "I miss her. If there's one person I would spend the rest of my life with it would be her. But long-term relationships between researchers are frowned upon by the company. One of us would have to resign our flight status. I know it's selfish but I've decided I'm not ready for that. I'm going to turn down Xplor's offer to teach. I haven't told anyone yet. Ariana should be scheduled for a new assignment by the time we return. Maybe already gone. I hope not. I'd like to see her before she leaves. I want to ask her something." Lylia glanced at Louai's sleeping form and then at the clock. "I guess it can wait. I'm tired. Tomorrow's another day. End Personal log. Lylia, ID XP4986."
* * *
Breakfast was a quiet event. Ariana was still thinking about Lylia's last log entry. She wondered what Lylia had wanted to ask her.
"I didn't find anything in the ship's log," Clieron offered,
deciding to break the silence. "Either of you?"
Sorelle shook his head.
"Nothing indicating a problem. They received authorization to terminate the research program and head home."
"Lylia said the same thing in her last entry."
"Nothing else?" Sorelle asked.
"No. They mostly talked about personal things."
"You know, if the Rondal is retrieved, Xplor is going to go through those logs," Clieron said. "If they were my personal thoughts, I wouldn't want that."
"If you were dead, it wouldn't matter," Ariana replied. "But I know what you mean. There's nothing we can do about that now. Let's set up a grid search. Configure the sensors for one hundred velmets, point-two-five width and depth. It should pick up any anomaly not natural to this planet based on existing data."
"Yeah, but what about what is natural?" Clieron asked.
"We're looking for signs of Lylia and Louai right now. Any threat we'll handle if it happens."
"You know that narrow a search parameter could take a while. If we expand it in increments of five percent after each sweep, it'll cut down the time by seventy percent and accomplish the same thing," Clieron advised. "It'll pick up large objects. If we don't find anything then, we can always reduce the specs."
"How long will it take?"
"I'll have the data in less than two velhors."
CHAPTER 7
"FIND ANYTHING?" Ariana asked, leaning over Clieron's shoulder to look at the holographic image of the gridded topography around the Rondal.
"There are fifteen objects within the specified parameters. I've managed to identify all but two." Clieron pointed to each square with flashing ID codes. "Those are research equipment. Some are storage containers. Four are monitors. These two are datavids. They belong to Louai and Lylia. Both haven't been active for quite awhile... and those two things I can't figure out. They aren't tagged. Xplor is anal about putting trackers on its property so nothing gets left behind."
"Could they be bodies?" Sorelle asked.
"No. There's no biological readings. Even if they were dead, we'd get something."
"Lock in the coordinates and let's check it out," Ariana said, ignoring the last comment. Whatever it is, it doesn't belong here."
* * *
As they approached the unidentified objects, a swarm of black-and-golden butterflies rose into the air, creating a kaleidoscope of color and movement. The three rescuers stood mesmerized until the horde disappeared into the forests on the far side of the clearing.
"Beautiful animals," Clieron said. "I've never seen so many in one place before."
"It's actually a common occurrence," Ariana replied. "Butterflies seem to be one of those species that evolve as colony or communal creatures, no matter what planet we find them on. There's no reason to think this place would be any different."
"That's probably why the log didn't reference any," Sorelle said. "Although I'd have thought they'd have at least gotten a small honorable mention."
"And that's the problem with you scientists. You're so busy dissecting life you stop living it. If I saw this a thousand times I'd feel special. But then I'm just a pilot." Clieron shook his head and walked away.
"What's with him?" Sorelle asked.
Ariana shrugged.
"Beats me. Maybe he's never seen a cluster before. You're right, though. I didn't see anything in the logs I reviewed."
"Maybe they're mentioned in the earlier ones. It's really not important," Sorelle said.
* * *
Green and silver were the designated colors of Xplor's research department. Ariana stared at the material barely visible amongst the tall grass. Had it not been for the coordinates provided by the Rondal, they'd have never found the two uniforms.
"This doesn't make sense," Sorelle said. "Why would they take their clothes off out here?"
"They wouldn't. It'd be too risky and completely against company policy."
"Everyone breaks the regs sometimes, even the Lylias of the world." When Ariana glared at him, Sorelle held up his hands as if to ward her off. "Hey, the truth is the truth. We scientists are supposed to be open-minded. Consider all possibilities."
"Lylia may break a rule now and then but she'd never go outside naked! This is a ridiculous conversation."
"Point taken. So what explanation would you give for their uniforms being out here?"
"Maybe an animal dragged it out."
"Before or after they locked down the Rondal?" Sorelle asked. "Listen, Ariana, it's really not important how these clothes got here. The fact that they are is the problem."
Ariana knew Sorelle was right.
"I know. There has to be a logical explanation. If we run an analysis —"
"That doesn't take two people," Sorelle cut in. "I'll do that while you and Clieron continue looking around. Maybe you'll find something else that can help us determine what happened to Lylia and Louai.
Clieron, who had been standing quietly to the side listening, touched Ariana's shoulder.
"I'll go back to the Rondal and expand the search grid while you two work on separating the uniforms from the overgrowth. Personally, I'd just rip them up. It may damage some grass or bugs, but under these circumstances we don't have time to worry about Xplor's concerns for flora and fauna. As hard as it is to hear, we have to assume Lylia and Louai are dead. Now we need to know what happened to them and could it happen to us."
After Clieron left, Sorelle and Ariana examined the uniforms, trying to determine the best way to extract them from the tangled growth. As scientists they were repulsed at the thought of just ripping the items away from the clutches of the indigenous grasses. Eventually they decided Clieron was right.
"You grab the sleeves and I'll take the legs," Ariana said. On the count of three they yanked hard. Slowly the tenacious plants released their grip until it was finally free. "One more."
"Thankfully." Sorelle rubbed his lower back. "I'm too old for this type of work."
Laughing, Ariana shook her head.
"I thought you wanted to be an off-planet researcher."
"I just changed my mind. No one told me field techs had to do heavy lifting," he grumbled.
"Heavy lifting?"
Sorelle gave her a sheepish grin, walked over to the other uniform and grabbed the legs.
"For me. I'm the cerebral type. Come on, let's get this over with. The sooner I get them to the lab, the sooner we may have some answers. I'll send Clieron back out to help you play explorer," he teased. When Ariana frowned, Sorelle's tone turned serious. "Sorry, Ari. I know this is hard but we can't let it get to us."
"You're right. Tell Clieron I'm going to check over there," she said, pointing toward the east. "The scanner shows a large clearing. That would be where Lylia and Louai would focus their research — the best possibility for finding the greatest number of diversity is in open spaces."
CHAPTER 8
FOR FIVE VELDANS, the team searched the surrounding area within a half veldan walking range of the Rondal. Extended exploration probably wouldn't turn up any more than the sensor probes.
"Where's Clieron?" Ariana asked Sorelle after returning from another search of the area where the garments were found.
"Xplor sent an update request. He's talking with Jamana."
"Have you found anything on the uniforms that can help us?"
Clieron shrugged. "Just grass, roots, seeds and primitive life forms. A lot of caterpillars. I was actually surprised at the quantity. I gathered all the live ones up and took them outside. No reason to kill the locals."
"And nothing unusual about the clothing?"
"Nothing that tells me anything. The fibers were stressed."
"Stressed how?" Ariana asked.
"Stretched beyond design limitations."
"What would cause that?"
Sorelle shrugged.
"I don't know. Another thing. There's no DNA trace on either suit."
"Bacteria activity could account for that. Being exposed to the elements for a long time would degrade bio-matter. So basically they aren't much help."
"None at all," Sorelle said. "It's almost as if Lylia and Louai had carried these clothes outside to throw away."
"Which they wouldn't do unless —"
"— unless something affected their minds," Sorelle finished. "And if that happened they could have removed their clothing and wandered off."
Ariana didn't like where the discussion was going, but as a scientist she had to consider all the possibilities.
"Let's say you're right. That means they were affected by the same thing. Maybe a virus or a bacteria."
"The micro-filters would prevent any inhalation."
"Theoretically! This is a new world. We can't be sure the filter works on all viruses or bacteria. Nothing's fool-proof."
"That would mean we might be infected," Sorelle said, frowning at the thought.
"We might be if it's airborne. On the other hand, they could have come in contact with something. The problem is there are hundreds of scenarios that we could think of and still be wrong."
"So what now?"
"I don't know. Other than the stressed fibers, we have nothing. No bodies, no anomalies, no nothing. It's like they just disappeared. I don't know...."
Clieron strode into the room looking frustrated.
"Jamana wants us to wrap this up. Xplor thinks it's a waste of their resources. It seems losing two researchers, even their top one, isn't as important as recovering the Rondal and all their equipment."
"That doesn't make sense. We could be infected and the ship contaminated. The regulations say —"
"Xplor doesn't care. I told them about that possibility. We've been ordered to fly the Rondal home. A crew is being sent to recover the Zayon. Jamana said if we're infected, we'll show symptoms before we make it back to the base station and they'll deal with it then."
"Deal with it my ass," Sorelle said. "We're as expendable as Lylia and Louai. All they want are the ships back. If we die, they'll eject us into space and decontaminate the Rondal."
"That's actually pretty much what Jamana told me. Of course, we'd receive posthumous recognition and our families would receive survivor benefits and any bonuses we're due."
Ariana rolled her eyes and laughed.
"That's nice to know. Any of you have family? I don't." Clieron and Sorelle shook their heads. "Good, because if I'm infected, it'll be over my dead body before Xplor gets this ship.
They can't decontaminate something if they don't know what the problem is. And I don't feel the least loyal to them if they can throw us away so easily."
"You realize once we take off, Comm will take over automatically if we become incapacitated. The computers are programmed with a failsafe for that type of emergency."
"Well, you know how these systems were designed. There must be a way to deactivate the thing," Ariana said.
"Oh I know exactly what to do. I'll have to destroy a few sensors. Once that's done, they can't be repaired or bypassed. Before I do that we'd better be sure of our decision."
Ariana looked at Sorelle.
"It's all or nothing," she said.
"When you first asked me to be part of the team you said I might have to make the hard choice," he replied. "So far I haven't had to. This one isn't either. We might as well begin stowing all the equipment. Those storage containers outside will need to be decontaminated before we bring them inside. No use taking any more chances than necessary."
"We should retrieve our personal stuff from the Zayon first," Clieron added. "I'm not leaving my logs or things behind for someone else to rummage through."
"That's not a good idea. If we are infected, we could contaminate the Zayon," Sorelle said.
Clieron shrugged indifferently.
"Not my problem. I'll prepare a final emergency transmission to be sent prior to any action we take if we have to destroy the Rondal. It'll say we're infected and are taking appropriate action in accordance with Lieran interplanetary exploration protocols and advise the Lieran Interplanetary Council to designate the Zayon and this place off-limits. They won't allow Xplor near this planet for the next five-thousand velyars."
"Let's go then. We can be back by late afternoon," Ariana said, standing. "I wish we could do more for Lylia and Louai. All the years of dedication Lylia gave to Xplor and they're only willing to spend a few veldans trying to find —" Her voice cracked from unshed tears.
Seeing her distress, Sorelle put his arm around her shoulders.
"We've always known the company is all about profit. That makes everyone dispensable."
* * *
It had taken the three Lierans longer than expected to get to the Zayon, gather their personal belongings and return to the Rondal. A herd of grazers had wandered into one of the meadows between them and their destination. Not wanting to disrupt the animals' routine, they waited on the perimeter of the clearing.
"I like this world," Sorelle said, resting his butt against a fallen tree. "It's peaceful, not hectic like home."
"It's all right." Clieron looked around. "But I'd go nuts having to spend velmons here. I don't know how you exploratory scientists don't get bored."
When a small yellow butterfly drifted past them, almost within arm's reach, they followed its slow movements with their eyes. It flitted from one flower to another, delicately sampling the different nectars.
"They're such fascinating insects," Ariana said. "One of the few species we see that varies little from planet to planet." Standing, she brushed off her uniform. "Looks like the grazers are moving on."
* * *
All of the containers but two had been moved into the storage areas and secured. Ariana and Sorelle volunteered to get them while Clieron examined the Rondal's exterior, making sure there were no vines covering the vessel.
"Everything's clear," Clieron said. "Once you get that stuff inside we can leave."
Picking up one box, Ariana turned toward the ship when she heard Sorelle gasp.
"Look!" He pointed toward a spot near the edge of the forest. Two white butterflies soared into the air. The sun's rays reflected off their wings, giving them an almost golden aura. "Too bad I'm a scientist," Sorelle said wistfully. Ariana gave him a strange look. "They seem almost magical, and we both know there's no such thing."
"One of the banes of believing there's a logical explanation for everything," Ariana agreed. Hefting the container a little higher, she and the others walked up the ramp. The door closed and within velmins, the earth shook as the Rondal lifted into the air.
EPILOGUE
Commander Jamana Rebera wasn't happy. He had just received a report that the Rondal was missing. The unfortunate messenger was standing nervously at attention while the chief security officer paced back and forth in a vain attempt to calm his anger.
"Ships just don't go missing. There are too many failsafes for that."
"Our engineers said the same thing. They think it's a computer glitch and are attempting to do a manual override of the Rondal's Comm system."
"Don't you have to be in communication with the computer to do that?" Jamana demanded.
"Ummm, well, technically, yes, but..."
"Technically? Isn't technically all that matters? Who the hell are you, anyway?"
"I'm Comm Supervisor Faleon."
"Well Comm Supervisor Faleon, I don't want to hear about glitches or technicallys or manual overrides. I want a straight answer. Do you believe the Rondal is still out there in one piece?"
"Commander, we lost contact with the vessel while it was passing through the Wyndnor Quadrant. At the time, there were three starstorms converging at the vector pre-programmed for their return trip. When Comm tried to contact the Rondal for a reroute, we received no response. That was eighteen velhors ago.
I believe our transmissions were interrupted by the starstorms and that the Rondal was caught in the convergence and destroyed."
"That's too bad. How long before our recovery team reaches the Zayon?"
"Fifteen veldans."
"Good! Let me know as soon as it touches down. And Faleon, if the Council catches wind of any of this before we retrieve the Zayon, it's your ass on the line. Understand?"
"Understood, sir."
"Good! Now get back to work?"
"Yes, Commander."
After Faleon left, Jamana settled down in his chair and smiled smugly. If everything went according to plans, once the Zayon was recovered, EVW984L would be declared off limits to further exploration. It would then be eligible for colonization under a new program Xplor was developing in secrecy. The company's profits would more than double in less than five velyars and by the time word got out, the Council wouldn't be able to do anything to Xplor other than issue a reprimand.
"I might even be in charge of the new colony's Council," Jamana said, looking around his office and smiling smugly. "And it'll be goodbye to this place."
KISS OF THE BUTTERFLY
Prologue
SUZE MCMURPHY WAS STILL able to maintain a quality of life most elderly could only dream of. At seventy-five, she was independent, physically healthy and mentally sound; an inspiration to the people that knew and cared about her. Sadly, the same couldn't be said for her partner, Jen Stone, who was only sixty-eight. Diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's disease several years earlier, Jen was frail and now suffered from dementia. Suze didn't accept the neurologist's diagnosis. Doctors didn't know everything, although some thought they did; especially one in particular. When he tried to convince Suze she was too close to Jen to recognize the early warning signs, she wasted no time telling him what he could do to himself. Her suggestion wasn't nice, but it did bring a lot of smirks from the doctor's staff. Most of them secretly applauded her recommendation.
CHAPTER 1
A Day
MORNINGS WERE PERHAPS the worst part of the day. Getting Jen to wake up could be difficult because of how soundly she slept.
"Wake up, sweetie," Suze said, gently shaking Jen's shoulder. "It's time to get up."
One eye opened slowly, looked around and then closed. "Oh no!"
"Come on Jen, you have to get up." Suze picked up a small brown teddy bear that Jen liked to hold and put it on the stand next to the bed. When she tried to pull the comforter back, Jen clutched it tightly with both hands. For someone who looked so frail, Jen had a strong grip.
"Go away! Leave me alone!" Jen replied angrily.
It's going to be one of those days, Suze thought. "Turn loose, sweetie." She pried the fingers back, snatched the blanket away and tossed it to the side. Then she picked up a pair of lavender slippers off the floor and slipped them onto Jen's feet. "I've made your favorite breakfast, maple flavored oatmeal. It'll get cold if you don't get up right now."
"Oh all right!"
"Thank you." Suze helped Jen to her feet. "Let's go to the bathroom first. Here's your robe."
Breakfast was a slow, tedious process. Normally Jen could feed herself. Occasionally Suze had to help because of Jen's palsy or stubbornness, but the main reason was the terrible disease that was slowly and irrevocably destroying her life-partner's brain.
Once she finished her meal, Jen wandered into the bedroom and rifled through her dresser drawers. She would begin by taking out her stockings. Unrolling a pair she examined each sock, neatly pressed them back together and meticulously rolled them back up. Assured everything was as it should be, she checked the next drawer and the next. Every article of clothing was carefully scrutinized. The process took almost an hour.
The rest of the day Jen moved around the house picking things up, putting them down, watching television or napping. On particularly good days, she and Suze would sit and talk. Generally it was about nothing but neither cared; Jen because she couldn't and Suze because she had no choice. Nothing was better than the meaningless monologues that Jen was having with herself more and more often.
* * *
"Here you go," Suze said, placing a bowl of homemade chicken noodle soup on the table. "Do you need any help?"
Jen looked at the steaming brew for a few seconds and then reached for the spoon lying on the napkin. "I may be forgetful but I'm not an invalid," she grumped. Her hand shook from the palsy she had developed in her early 60s.
Recognizing that Jen was going through a mood swing, Suze
decided discretion was the better tactic.
"Sorry. I don't know what I was thinking when I asked that."
"Neither do I. You act like I'm a damn retard or something," Jen said.
"Now that's not true and you know it. I was concerned that your palsy may be acting up a bit. I added extra noodles so you could use your fork if you wanted to."
"Well, I don't need a damn fork and my hands are as steady as they ever were." To prove her point Jen held her hands out for Suze to inspect. They trembled uncontrollably. "See! They're fine. I'm fine. Now can I just eat or do you want to chew my food for me too?"
Suze sighed.
"No. You wouldn't like the way I chewed it."
Jen glanced up at her partner of eighteen years. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously and then widened. A twinkle appeared, followed by a big grin. Wrinkled cheeks creased, exposing two linear shaped dimples on each side of her mouth.
"I can be such a bitch," she said and then began eating her soup. "Where's the pepper? You know how much I like pepper."
"Yes, and I know how you hate it when I put it on your food." Suze pointed to the small shaker a few inches away. "Let me know if that's enough."
Jen gave a soft snort. Hand shaking wildly she scattered the small black particles on her food and the table. "At least this
palsy's good for something. I don't have to work hard getting the stuff out of the bottle."
Suze chuckled. "True. You go ahead and eat. I'll be back in a minute with my own bowl."
"Good. You can't eat out of mine. I don't want your cooties." Not sure if Jen had regressed back into her dementia or was joking, Suze hesitated. "Well? You just going to stand there?" Jen asked, giving her a questioning look.
It was times like this that Suze found the most frustrating — the not knowing.
"Back in a minute," she said, turning away.
"Suze?" Jen called after her.
"What, sweetie?"
"You can share my soup if you want. I don't mind your cooties." The pitiful expression on Jen's face broke Suze's heart.
"I knew you were joking, Jen. We've shared cooties too long to worry about them now. Eat yours while it's still warm." Kissing Jen on the forehead, Suze hurried off. A moment later she returned, quietly setting her bowl on the table. The dinner continued in silence as she watched Jen concentrating on lifting each spoonful, trying not to spill the contents.
Washing dishes was always a relaxing time for Suze. The warm water soothed her aching arthritic hands. Jen usually disappeared into the living room to watch television. Her attention span was normally short, often fluctuating between the
program and some distant, elusive memory. The latter would cause her to become agitated. Occasionally, though, something on the screen would catch her interest, holding her spellbound for an hour or more. Suze was grateful for those moments, reprieves from her constant vigil. It provided her an opportunity to nap without worrying what Jen might get into.
This was one of those better nights. Joining Jen on the couch, Suze leaned her head back and closed her eyes. Within minutes she fell into a deep slumber, her chin resting on her chest.
* * *
"Where are you, dagnabit? I know you're here somewhere."
Jen's grumbling voice intruded on Suze's sleep. Blinking, she looked around expecting Jen to be sitting next to her. She wasn't. A rustling noise from the hallway followed by a thump caught her attention.
"Jen? What are you doing?" she asked pushing up from the couch. Her body ached from exhaustion.
"I'm looking for it," Jen said, clearly agitated.
"Looking for what?" Suze walked to stand by Jen, who was rummaging through the closet. The hall was strewn with stuff, items she had pulled from shelves and hangers in search of some unknown item.
"My book! I want my book."
"All of our books are in the library."
"Not our books. My book. I want my book." Jen was gesticulating with her shaking hands, obviously distressed.
Suze stepped closer and touched Jen's arm.
"Listen, why don't you let me help you? I'll take everything out. When we find your book you tell me, okay?" Jen nodded and stepped back, letting Suze take over. "Now, where might that
book be?" One by one she picked up an object and held it up for Jen to inspect. The first was an old sweater stored in a clear plastic bag.
"That's not a book," Jen said. "Don't you know what a book is?"
"Silly me," Suze replied seriously. "I must be getting old." Sifting through a stack of old quilts and Afghans she felt something hard. A gray fireproof box with a key sticking out of the lock was buried under the pile.
"What's this?"
"Let me see." Pushing Suze aside, Jen rushed forward. "It's a box! What's in it?"
Twisting the key she lifted the lid and peered at the contents. Several legal documents lay inside but didn't completely obscure the thick glossy blue cover of the book beneath.
Jen grabbed it, turned and triumphantly waved it in the air.
"My book! You found my book! Remember this?" she asked, holding it out for Suze to see.
"Yes. How silly of me not to remember your book," Suze said.
"Oh!" Jen's brow wrinkled in confusion. "Did I buy it?"
"No, sweetie, you began writing it several years ago." Jen looked bewildered. She had already forgotten what had been so important just minutes before. "Look," Suze said, opening the manuscript. Jen's forehead wrinkled from confusion. "It's about you and me. And our friends, sort of an autobiography, only in story form," Suze explained. "You used to tell me about all your experiences with your business and I suggested you write a book. Don't you remember?"
"No!" Leaning closer for a better look, Jen pointed at the words on the bottom of the first page. "That's my name. Why is my name on it if it's about us? Why isn't your name here?"
"I didn't write this," Suze said patiently. "You did all the work."
"Are we still married?"
The question caught Suze by surprise. "Married? We never... oh... of course we're still married."
"Then why isn't your name on it? Married people put their names on everything."
Suze knew she was fighting a losing battle. Any attempt at an explanation would only confuse Jen more.
"You're right. I must have forgotten to put my name on it. Would you like me to do it now?"
"Yes." Jen looked at Suze worriedly. "Suze? Are you all right?"
It was Suze's turn to be confused.
"I'm fine. Why are you asking?"
"Well, you forgot to put your name on our book. That's not like you. I thought you might be getting a little forgetful."
Suze laughed.
"Maybe I am, Jen, maybe I am. Come on. Help me find a pen before I forget again."
"That's okay. I'll remind you," Jen promised.
Smiling, Suze wrapped her arms around Jen and squeezed her gently.
"Thank you. After I write my name below yours, how about we put our book on the table and go to bed. I'm awfully tired," Suze said.
"Why did you get it out, then?"
"I... I guess I wasn't thinking." Reminding Jen that she wanted the book served no purpose and would probably provoke an argument.
CHAPTER 2
THE NIGHTLY ROUTINE of getting Jen ready for bed was a tedious, complicated process. Jen was often rebellious when it came to showers. Suze could usually coax her into the bathroom but after that it became a battle of wills. Jen didn't like undressing, climbing over the tub edge, getting wet, and then having to climb out. The effort was exhausting for both women.
"I'm cold," Jen complained and shivered. Her hands shook violently. Suze wrapped a towel around Jen's shoulders and grabbed another to dry the rest of her body.
"I know. I'm almost done. Let's get your jammies on." Jen leaned heavily on Suze as she stepped over the rim. That was always the scariest part of showering. One slip and they could both fall down. It had already happened once, resulting in Jen splitting open her forearm on the vanity edge and Suze bruising her right knee. "Sit on the toilet and let me put your undies on." Suze pulled a pair of Depends from the stack beneath the sink. "Here you go. Lift your right foot... good girl. Now your left. Now raise your arms so I can put your top on you."
"You don't have to treat me like a child," Jen grumped. "I can put my own top on." Suze stepped back to avoid the flailing arms as Jen struggled to pull the tee shirt over her head and down her chest. "See!"
"That was great! Are you ready to go to bed?"
"I'm dressed for it, aren't I?"
"Silly me," Suze said, gently grasping Jen's elbow. "You
don't mind if I hang on to you, do you? I feel a little unsteady."
Straightening proudly, Jen gave her a bright smile.
"Of course not. You'd help me, wouldn't you?"
"Absolutely!" Suze agreed and gestured toward the bedroom. "I'll just stay close to you."
"Good. Don't fall. I can't pick you up if you fall."
"I won't. Not as long as you're helping me."
Making their way to Jen's bed, Suze helped her lie down and covered her with the thick handmade quilt they had bought on a trip to Mexico. Carlton, the stuffed bear, was nestled against Jen's right cheek.
"There! Are you and Carlton comfortable?" Suze asked.
"Yes."
"Are you warm enough?"
"Yes."
"Do you need anything?"
"No."
"I love you," Suze said, bending down to give Jen a quick peck on the lips. The routine was always the same.
"I love you too. Now go away. I'm trying to sleep," Jen said, closing her eyes.
"Goodnight." Standing quietly next to the bed, Suze waited patiently until Jen's breathing slowed to small, quiet puffs. Spying several strands of errant gray hairs near Jen's right eye, she twirled them together and then positioned them behind her ear. "Dream well, sweetie," she whispered and then shuffled away, turning off the night light after crawling into her own bed.
Sleep rarely came easily to Suze. Most evenings were spent watching television or dozing in her favorite chair. Tonight, lying in bed she felt restless. Jen's manuscript had always caused mixed emotions. The detailed descriptions were bittersweet memories of their past, the last entry four years ago a sad reminder of the present. Jen had stopped writing when the effort became too much. Suze had put it away for safe keeping and also not wanting to be reminded of things past.
* * *
A loud crash startled Suze awake. For a moment she laid still, listening and wondering if she had been dreaming. A metallic clang told her she wasn't. What now? Sitting up slowly, she stifled a groan, not wanting to awaken Jen. Damn arthritis! When she heard muffled noises coming from the other room, she grabbed the baseball bat resting by her nightstand. Creeping from the bedroom and down the hall Suze peered cautiously into the darkened living room but saw no one. A pan rattled in the kitchen startling her.
Burglars! Suze gripped the wooden handle harder, raising the bat over her left shoulder. Inching along the wall she felt her heart pounding painfully in her chest. I'm too damn old to be doing this and I can't afford a heart attack. Should have called 9-1-1, she thought belatedly.
"Goddamnit!" a voice grumbled from inside the kitchen. "Where's that thing at?"
"Jen? Is that you?" Suze called out, peeking cautiously around the corner. Jen was rummaging through the silverware drawer. Lord, this is going to be a long night, she thought, rubbing her eyes tiredly.
"Who the hell else would it be? No one lives here but us," Jen mumbled. Then, as if having second thoughts about something, she stopped her search and glared suspiciously at Suze. "You haven't rented my bed out have you?"
At first Suze thought she was teasing. Jen's worried expression said otherwise.
"Now why would I do that?"
"I don't know. You've been acting strange lately."
"Strange? How have I been acting strange?" Suze asked.
"Well, look at you now. Who walks around with a bat in the house? That's for robbers and there aren't any robbers in here." Jen hesitated. Her eyes narrowed. "I'm not stealing anything. This is my stuff. You weren't going to konk me with that were you?"
"Of course not. I heard a noise and thought you —"
"You were going to kill me," Jen accused, grabbing a spatula from inside the drawer. "You come near me and I'll kill you," she threatened, her hand shaking violently.
"I was not going to kill you. I heard a noise and thought someone had broken in. Now put the spatula down and tell me what you're looking for."
Jen frowned, looking confused. Suze knew she had already
forgotten what had been so important just minutes earlier.
"Are you hungry?" Suze asked, hoping to distract Jen. "Do you want something to eat?" Suze eased the spatula from Jen's clenched hand. Placing it and the bat on the counter, she led her to the table. "I'll warm up the soup. Would you like that?" Jen's relieved expression was its own reward. Smiling, Suze patted the hand she was holding. "You sit right here."
"I tried to be quiet," Jen said. "Did I wake you up?"
"No, I was feeling a bit peckish but I didn't want to wake you up," Suze lied. "It was very thoughtful of you not wanting to wake me."
"I'd feel bad if I woke you. I couldn't find that damn... whatchamacallit."
"Well, I'm glad you couldn't. Now we can eat something together. I'm sooo hungry." Suze's stomach growled loudly. "See!"
Jen giggled. For a moment the old twinkle reappeared but quickly faded.
Minutes later, Suze was placing two steaming bowls of leftover chicken soup on the table.
"Here you go," Suze said, handing her a spoon. "Would you like some bread or crackers?"
"No. Now shut up! I'm trying to eat." The curt order was not unusual. Mood swings were the norm when Jen was tired. "Sundowning," the doctor called it.
"Sorry."
The two women grew silent as they sipped their soup; one saddened by the reminder that her partner was slowly slipping away from her, the other focused on not spilling any of the liquid as she raised the shaking spoon toward her lips. Suze would have offered to help steady Jen's hand but knew it would make her angrier.
You don't deserve this, Jen. Suze sighed softly. But who does? We should have had so much more. The clattering sound of a spoon hitting the floor, followed by a short expletive from Jen, interrupted Suze's reminiscing.
"Damn thing jumped out of my hand!"
"That's okay. They do that sometimes. I'll get you another one," Suze offered.
"Don't bother. I'm tired. I want to go to bed. Can I go to bed?" Jen's voice had become pleadingly sweet, like a child.
Suze clasped Jen's hand and helped her to her feet.
"Absolutely," she said.
Tucking Jen back in bed for the second time Suze returned to her own and crawled under the thick, fluffy comforter. Yawning, she listened to Jen's labored breathing. I hope her bronchitis isn't coming back. When the exhales softened to quiet poofs, Suze relaxed.
Her thoughts again turned to the precious manuscript. Each page was a narrative pearl in their lives. How they met, the times they shared, good and bad. Sadly it would go unfinished.
Suze had discovered the notebook a few years ago. It was a manuscript written by Jen titled Chronicles of a Property
Manager. At first she was reluctant to read it, believing it to be Jen's diary — her personal thoughts, things she probably didn't want anyone to know about. Eventually curiosity got the best of Suze. Opening the notebook, she imagined how Pandora must have felt when she was lifting the lid to the forbidden box. Afterward, Suze knew. The difference was that this time Hope had also escaped, leaving nothing but memories and a handwritten letter. But what a letter it was. Those few words summed up all that was Jen, all that they had.
Oh Jen, why did this have to happen to you? To us? Suze thought before finally falling asleep.
CHAPTER 3
A Week
DAYS BECAME WEEKS, each moment a repetition of the one before, only minimally worse. Sadly, even small changes added up to huge losses. Jen's memory continually deteriorated, but there were moments when she was her younger self.
"Are you going to read to me tonight?" Jen asked, "Or do I have to read the damn thing myself?" A smirky grin and twinkling eyes were clear signals that Jen was teasing, which always provided Suze a sense of relief and joy.
The day had gone exceptionally well. Jen was in a good mood. Her dementia had waned some, not uncommon for victims of mini-strokes. The brain sometimes created new pathways, trying to circumvent old injuries. Still, no matter how marvelous its recuperative powers, the doctor had warned them such moments would be temporary. He advised Suze not to get her hopes up whenever they occurred. Dementia was a downhill slope occasionally interrupted by plateaus of stability or slight improvements. Suze cherished those moments.
"That would be nice," she teased back. Jen's lower lip poked out in a mock pout. "Alright! You're going to step on that lip if it gets any longer. What do you want me to read?"
"You choose."
"Okay. Tonight it'll be from your... our book."
Suze opened the blue notebook, flipping to the first page.
Jen's handwriting was clear and precise. The words flowed easily. She could hear Jen's voice in her mind as she silently read the first lines.
"Suze? Suze?"
Suze looked up at Jen's troubled face.
"I'm sorry, sweetie. What did you say?"
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. I was just thinking about you and what an amazing person you are. I'm so lucky to have you."
Jen cocked her head sideways, giving Suze a thoughtful look.
"Even now?" she asked.
The question surprised Suze. Jen was rarely aware of her failing memory. Normally all that mattered was now. What she wanted, what didn't, how she was feeling. The past and the future no longer existed. That was a blessing under the circumstances. In the beginning, Jen was sure she could win her battle against the progression of the disease. She struggled to be normal. As her symptoms grew worse, Jen became creative in developing ways to overcome the problems. For a while it worked. Only those closest to her noticed the little changes. Her smartphone was exchanged for a flip cell. The small netbook was replaced with a seventeen inch laptop. Eventually she began carrying a recorder. Finally a pen and pad appeared. Jen wrote notes to herself about conversations or appointments until they turned into confusing scribbles.
Even now? Suze thought about the question. Jen was her
life, for better or for worse. She could give Jen a simple yes answer and that would probably end the discussion. Tonight, well, tonight the other Jen was with her. The Jen who asked the hard questions and demanded the truth no matter how difficult or hurtful it might be. The Jen she had shared joys and sorrows with.
Before Jen's decline, their relationship had been everything they could dream of. Their love-making had been intense and at times overwhelming. Anyone who thought middle-aged women couldn't feel passion was either naïve or delusional. Both knew how to satisfy each other and themselves. Jen was the burning, concerned lover; always wanting to please Suze. Suze was the clown. Making love was a challenge, a game with constantly changing rules to keep it fun and exciting.
Eventually their sexual desires did fade some, but nothing could diminish the love they shared, nor their commitment to each other. The more Suze saw her life-partner slipping away, the tighter she held on to her, helping Jen fight her demons. Perhaps it was a losing battle, but not for Suze. She would never give up. It was important Jen know that now. Even when her mental lapses returned, and they would, somewhere deep in Jen's mind, where the real Jen dwelled, she would always know she was loved and cherished.
"Do you remember the year we went to the Festival de la Mariposa Monarca in Mexico?" Suze asked, reaching over to hold Jen's hand.
Jen nodded.
"We wanted to see the butterflies."
"I wanted to see the butterflies," Suze corrected squeezing the hand she was holding to let Jen know she was teasing her. "I told you about a documentary I'd seen and mentioned how much fun it would be to see a gazillion at one time. You acted sooo disinterested and then turned up with tickets and reservations three days later. I was speechless."
"I remember. Sadie got them for me. Where is Sadie?" Jen asked, looking around as if expecting her old business partner to be in the room.
"She's home, but she called yesterday to see how you were doing," Suze said.
"Oh, I'm fine," Jen replied. "Tell her I'm fine, would you?"
"I will. We were talking about the butterflies. Do you remember?"
"Of course I remember. Why wouldn't I?" Jen asked, sounding irritated. Then she smiled. "We had fun, didn't we?"
"Fun? It was more than fun. You gave me this," Suze said, holding her left hand out to proudly display the ring on her third finger.
"The butterflies were beautiful, weren't they?"
"Yes, they were." Suze tried to ignore an overwhelming sadness. Jen wasn't to blame for her lack of interest in the ring. Dementia destroyed more than memories. It robbed the person of the emotions that accompanied them.
"There were gazillions. One even kissed me." Jen's face glowed. "On the cheek!"
You haven't stolen everything, Suze thought, referring to the dementia. She considered the illness more a thief than a disease.
No matter how hard you try, you won't get all of my Jen.
Suze remembered the moment as if it was yesterday and still wondered if they had made a terrible mistake going to Mexico. Jen's symptoms first appeared on that trip, although Suze didn't make the connection until years later.
The Festival of the Monarch Butterflies was a huge event, attracting people from around the world. Surrounding villages participated in the celebration. Dances, parties and exhibitions were everywhere. The reserve designated walking trails to minimize damage to the ecosystem and disruptions to the Monarch's daily routines. Jen had hired a local named Joaquin to take them on a tour of the countryside and the protected areas. The guide's knowledge of the butterfly's life cycle and migration from Mexico to Canada and back was impressive; his willingness to prove it almost exhausting as he proudly chattered non-stop.
While watching a swarm resting in the trees, Jen noticed a white speck amongst the horde of orange fluttering wings and pointed it out to Joaquin.
"Ask Joaquin what that one is," Jen said to Suze.
"Sure," Suze said and asked Joaquin.
"La Madre de todas las Mariposas Monarcas," he replied.
"¿La madre?"
"Este es nuestro día de suerte, Señoritas. Ella es la Señora Blanca, La Dama Blanca."
"He said it was our lucky day. They believe the white butterfly is the Mother of the others," Suze translated.
"Si. Estas..." He said raising his arms upwards to symbolically embrace everything around them. "Estas son su hijas. Ella las guiará al norte y luego las traerá de vuelta sanas y salvas. Siempre está con ellas."
"These are all her children. She leads them north but leaves about a week in advance."
"I thought Monarchs only live a few weeks," Jen said. Suze again translated to Joaquin.
"La Madre no. Ella regresa cada año siempre el mismo día. ¡Mira!" Joaquin exclaimed pointing toward the moving mass. "Ella las ha despertado. Ahora volarán pero no harán el viaje. Ella se va primero. Ellas la seguirán dentro de siete dias. Creo que están practicando."
"Not the Mother. She comes back here every year on the same day. The others arrive shortly afterward."
The swarm rose into the air.
"No se muevan, Señoritas. Vienen hacia aquí," Joaquin said excitedly pointing to the colony.
"What?" Jen whispered.
"Don't move. Joaquin said they're doing a practice flight."
Suze and Jen held their breaths, tense; afraid they would interfere with the butterflies as they launched themselves from the trees, turning the sky into a moving mosaic of black and orange. A soft breeze fanned the leaves around them. Suddenly the white butterfly fluttered to within inches of Jen's face. Large purple eyes stared into Jen's. Mesmerized, she exhaled slowly. Something in the dark unblinking gaze made her uneasy.
What do you want? Jen thought and felt foolish for asking the question. The butterfly continued to hover, never breaking eye contact. I don't understand. Visions of lush green forests and meadows flooded her mind. Every plant was covered by undulating rivers of orange, black and gold, constantly changing their shape and directions, slowly, hypnotically drawing Jen closer and closer. A small white spot appeared in the center of the shifting mosaic. First it stayed stationary but then began circling clockwise. Changing direction it walked counter-clockwise, clearing an area around it. Suddenly it sprang into the air, directly at Jen's face, or at least that's how the vision felt. Startled, she jerked her hands upward to protect her face.
"Jen? Jen! Are you alright?" A hand shook her right arm. Jen blinked, feeling disoriented and slightly nauseous.
"I... I'm fine," she said shaking her head slightly.
Suze gave her a curious look.
"Are you sure? You look a little pale."
"I'm fine, really. Just a bit overwhelmed I think."
"I know. All those butterflies taking off like that. It's impressive. They're so beautiful."
"As beautiful as this?" Holding out her right hand, Jen uncurled her fingers. In her palm was a silver and gold band. Two small bars held six diamond chips. Between them was an embedded diamond.
"Oh!" Suze gasped.
"Oh? Is that it? Just oh?"
Tears slid down Suze's cheek.
"It's... it's beautiful."
"No, you're beautiful. And well, I... I was hoping you'd... well, you know..."
Suze looked at Jen's face, giggled, and then took pity on her.
"Are you asking me to be your wife?"
Jen nodded and then blushed. "Yes. I mean... I know we can't get married, but..."
Putting her finger to Jen's lips, Suze silenced her. "I'd love to," she whispered. "Thank you."
Jen slipped the ring on Suze's finger.
"Uh hmmm. Señoritas," Joaquin interrupted nervously looking around. "Por favor, no todo el mundo aqui se siente cómodo con una relación como la vuestra. Para mí está bien que dos mujeres se amen, pero debeís tener cuidado en público. ¿Entendeis?"
"Sorry, Joaquin," Suze apologized. "He's worried that some people might not like what we are," she explained. Jen nodded.
"Gracias, Señorita. Ahora debemos irnos. El parque cierra pronto."
Unclasping hands, Jen and Suze followed him back to the visitor's center, the butterflies temporarily forgotten. Not even the cloud of prejudice could dampen their happiness.
* * *
Back at the hotel, Jen remembered the butterfly incident and told Suze, half-expecting a playful razzing.
"I know it sounds crazy."
"Not crazy but certainly strange," Suze said. "You zoned out for a few seconds. At least that explains why. Joaquin told me you were under its spell and warned me
not to break it. He said the blessing would become a curse. I hope shaking you didn't —"
Jen laughed. "I seriously doubt a butterfly can put a curse on anyone, but I don't think I was imagining what happened either. It hovered so close I could almost feel it. And those eyes... I've never seen anything that color."
Suze gave Jen a strange look.
"It did land on your left cheek. Don't you remember?"
"No... no, I guess I did zone out."
"Maybe you discovered an intelligent life form," Suze teased, secretly wondering if it was possible. "That would explain how they can make such an amazing journey year after year. Besides, I like the thought of a matriarchal Monarchal Monarchy."
"You really didn't say that," Jen said shaking her head. "That was pitiful. Pitiful."
"You're just jealous because you didn't come up with it," Suze replied smugly.
"Right! Let's go eat before you think of another witty remark."
"And where shall we go tonight?"
"McD's," Jen replied. "I feel like a quarter pounder with cheese."
Suze laughed.
"Very funny. Seriously, where do you want to eat?"
A curious expression crossed Jen's face. Her forehead crinkled with consternation.
"I wasn't joking. I want a quarter pounder."
Confused, Suze shook her head slowly.
"This is Mexico. There aren't any McD's here. I'm sure we can find a hamburger place though."
"I don't want —" Jen stopped and then lifted a shaking hand to her right temple and began to massage it.
"Maybe we should just order in. I feel a little tired now."
Stunned, Suze was speechless as Jen walked over to the bed and lay down.
* * *
Two days later, Jen and Suze flew home. Suze, who was an English-to-French translator, picked up three new contracts and Jen returned to work. Several months later, Sadie called Suze, concerned about changes in Jen's behavior.
* * *
Sadie watched as Jen sat staring at the computer screen with some consternation.
"Shit!" Jen muttered. "Damn company needs to get the bugs out of this program."
"Having trouble?" Sadie asked.
"I can't get into the management program. It won't accept my password," Jen explained, massaging her right temple with her fingers.
"Let me see," Sadie offered and moved to stand by Jen. Leaning down, Sadie entered the password. Instantly the screen changed and the program opened revealing the options page. "There you go," she said and returned to her desk.
"How did you do that? I spent ten minutes trying to get into it."
"Probably a computer glitch," Sadie replied. "Maybe it's about time you bought a new laptop. That one's at least four years old."
"I guess. Maybe I was just hitting the wrong keys. I feel a bit tired today."
"Well go home and get some rest. Jackson and I can deal with anything that comes up."
"Oh, so I'm not needed anymore, huh?" Jen asked, grumpily.
"Needed? Yes. Today? No! And since I am the office manager, I'm sending you home."
Jen sighed.
"Maybe you're right. Ever since our trip to Mexico, Suze's been nagging me to take another vacation, this time up north. I keep telling her it's too soon. Perhaps I should think a little more about us. I don't want to screw this up like I did with Lindsey... and we're not getting younger, you know."
"You didn't screw anything up and you know it," Sadie replied. "Lindsey and you just weren't meant to be. I think your problem is you're afraid of letting go of things. It's time you trusted people a little bit more."
"Meaning you? I guess I haven't been fair to you, have I?"
Sadie knew what Jen meant. Even though Jen had made Sadie her business partner years ago, she hadn't been able to hand over the reins except when she took time off... and Jen rarely took time off. Two vacations in one year would be a record. Before Suze had come into her life, Jen rarely took time off. That was one of the reasons her relationship with Lindsey had failed.
"You've always been fair, Jen, just never trusting enough."
"I'm sorry," Jen said.
"Listen, Jen. You've changed. Suze's good for you. Take another trip. Have fun. Relax! Where does she want to go? I'll make the arrangements and call you with the information."
"Mt. Saint... Saint... I don't remember. Saint somewhere or other. I'll have to ask her," Jen said.
"How about you get out of here and I'll call her. By the time you're home, everything will be set. You and Suze can leave the day after tomorrow."
Jen smiled.
"You're not trying to get rid of me, are you?"
"Of course. How else am I going to get real managerial experience? Now get!" Sadie ordered and dramatically pointed her finger at the door.
"Aye, Aye. Oh, how long am I supposed to stay away, boss?" Jen asked.
"At least two weeks. Three would be better. If I see you back here before then, you're fired."
The two women laughed. Sadie had started out as a part-time assistant when Jen started the company and was now a full partner, owning thirty-three percent of the company.
"See you in a couple of weeks," Jen said, saluting. Sliding her laptop into her briefcase, she grabbed her jacket and left, giving Sadie a goodbye wave.
Sadie immediately picked up the phone and dialed Suze.
"Hello."
"Suze? This is Sadie."
"Hey, Sadie, how're you doing?" Suze asked.
"Fine, thanks. Listen, I just sent Jen home. She should be there in about thirty minutes."
"Is she okay?" Suze's voice sounded slightly panicky.
"She's fine, but... Well, she couldn't remember the password to our management software today. She's used the same word for ten years... and I've noticed a few other things that aren't like her."
The silence that followed was telling.
"Suze?"
"I'm here. Sorry. I didn't want to say anything but I noticed a change when we were in Mexico. I was hoping it was my imagination. I'm worried about her, Sadie."
"I know. Any chance of getting her to go to a specialist for a check-up?"
"Jen hates doctors and I wouldn't know how to broach the subject. Physically, she's as healthy as a horse, but she hasn't been very good to herself over the years."
"I know, at least not until she met you. You're the best thing that ever happened to her. I guess we'll just have to make sure she doesn't backtrack. I told her to take a couple weeks off. She mentioned a place up north you two had been talking about. Maybe with a little rest she'll be back to her old self. Anyway, I told her I'd call you for the information and make the arrangements."
"What a great idea! Thanks, Sadie." Suze gave Sadie the name of a ski resort near Montreal. "Jen said she used to ski before she met Lindsey."
"She did. How's Lindsey, by the way? I haven't seen her for a few months."
"Enjoying her honeymoon," Suze answered. "Her second, actually. She and Becky are in Cancun, supposedly taking surfing lessons."
"Surfing! At their age?" Sadie asked.
"Exactly! The only thing they're probably surfing is each other."
Sadie chuckled. Lindsey hadn't wasted any time moving on after her breakup with Jen. As a player she bounced from woman to woman, rarely staying in a relationship for more than a few months. Then Becky entered her life. Young, wild Becky, who loved sampling everything that life had to offer, and Lindsey could offer her sexual experiences beyond her wildest imagination. No one thought the relationship would last. The age difference of fifteen years, by itself, was reason enough to expect failure. Often life had a way of proving people wrong.
* * *
"Suze!" Jen's voice again shook Suze from her reverie.
"I'm sorry, sweetie. What were you saying?"
"I said a butterfly kissed me."
"Yes, a white butterfly landed on your cheek," Suze said. "Joaquin called it a kiss, a special blessing by The White Lady. He was right. I still have you. How could I not feel lucky?" So why do I still feel your memory loss had something to do with that damn butterfly? You were fine until that happened.
"I have to poop!" Jen said suddenly, a look of desperation crossing her face. "I have to poop!" she repeated, struggling to stand up.
Suze sighed. Like the Monarchs of Mexico, the old Jen had vanished, leaving only the memories of what had been and an emptiness of what now was.
I wish we'd never gone on that trip. Instantly she regretted the thought. Blaming an insect for Jen's problem was ridiculous.
"Come on, sweetie. It's almost bedtime anyway. I'll read to you tomorrow." Holding Jen's hand, she led her to the bathroom. A sour smell filled the air. Suze's night had just gotten a little longer.
CHAPTER 4
Months were like years
EVERY DAY WAS A Groundhog Day, rarely changing. Routines provided balance to the unstable minds of dementia sufferers. The occasional surprises were normally unpleasant, but Suze was an expert at adapting. Jen always took an afternoon nap at two o'clock. Today was no different. Suze had just finished putting Jen to bed when the doorbell rang.
"I wonder who that is," she mumbled, looking at her watch and grimacing. The arthritis in her back had flared up, making walking painful. Shuffling to the front door she peeked through the peephole and then unlocked the deadbolt and entry lock. "Dr. Henry, what are you doing here? Is it Tuesday already?"
The tall, thin man smiled warmly, extending his right hand to shake Suze's. Although only in his mid-forties, he was already balding and walked with a stoop. His suit was slightly wrinkled and a size or two larger than necessary.
"I came to check on my two favorite people," he said. "How are you doing, Miss Suze?"
"As well as can be expected," she replied, motioning him into the living room. "When are you going to get some clothes that fit? You look like a hobo."
Dr. Henry laughed.
"Surely I don't look that bad."
Suze eyed him speculatively and then relented. "Well, maybe more like you slept in that thing." Limping slightly, she pressed on her back and groaned.
"Your back bothering you again?"
"A tad. Dadburn weather always makes it act up."
"Would you like me to prescribe something? A mild painkiller might take the edge off."
"Naw, I don't like taking medication. I'd appreciate it though if you'd look in on Jen."
"Of course," Dr. Henry said. "That's why I'm here. How is she?"
"About the same as the last time you came. Well, maybe a little worse, but she's had some real good days too."
"Wonderful! That's what I like to hear. Shall I go and examine her now?"
"You know the way. I'll fix us a cup of tea."
Dr. Henry came every other week to check on Jen and Suze. He checked Jen's heart, lungs and blood pressure. Then he and Suze would enjoy a few cups of tea and discuss everything from the weather to politics. Often the conversations turned a bit feisty over the latter. Suze suspected it was his way of making sure she still had her mental faculties. She enjoyed the visits and was always sad when they ended.
* * *
"I guess I should head on to the hospital," Dr. Henry said,
glancing at his watch. "I need to check on a few patients."
"It was nice of you to come," Suze said. "I still think you should bill us."
"Miss Suze, it's an honor to be able to come here. And besides, you make the best tea in town. That's payment enough." When Suze started to stand, he put his hand on her shoulder. "No need to show me out. I know the way. I'll lock the entry lock when I leave and you can do the deadbolt later."
"Thank you. I think I'll catch up on some reading since Jen's asleep. Good brain exercise."
"Indeed it is. Have a good afternoon and I'll see you in two weeks. You call me if your back gets worse."
Suze promised she would. Once the doctor was gone, she picked up Jen's manuscript. For almost two weeks it had lain abandoned on the coffee table. Jen had shown no further interest in it.
An hour later, Suze closed the notebook and clutched it against her breast. Leaning back she thought about their first meeting. Neither had guessed where it would lead. She used to question if she had caused the breakup between Jen and her former girlfriend, Lindsey. The two had been together for over three years. Eventually, though, they grew apart, each unable to provide what the other needed. From the way Jen's friends talked about Lindsey, Suze couldn't understand why Jen had stayed with the woman so long. After meeting her several years later,
Suze had her answer. Lindsey wasn't the ogre some people painted her out to be. She and Jen were just too driven by their own agendas. They would never have been compatible. Their breakup was painful, but not the end of their relationship.
Time always had a way of changing people. Sometimes it also opened doors to new opportunities, even in the most clichéd of ways. Girl leaves girl, girl meets new girl, and they live happily ever after — except they didn't. The final pages in Jen's book epitomized what Jen and Suze's lives had become; words painfully misspelled; sentences jumbled until the story's ending was as chaotic as Jen's thoughts. Sighing, Suze set the notebook on the end table. Pushing painfully to her feet, she headed for the kitchen. It was almost dinner time.
CHAPTER 5
A Lifetime
MUMBLINGS FROM THE bedroom, especially at nighttime, had become commonplace. Standing in the doorway, Suze listened. She knew Jen's dementia was getting worse. The meaningless words and frequent arguments with herself attested to her deteriorating condition.
"Come here!"
"No you come here."
"No, you come here."
"Okay. I'll come there but you take my hand."
"No, you take my hand."
"Okay."
Moving quietly to stand next to the bed Suze saw Jen's eyes were closed.
"Are you okay," Suze asked.
"Yes," Jen said, opening her eyes. A vacant stare turned into recognition. "Go away!"
"Who are you talking to?"
"That man!" Jen pointed toward the ceiling.
Suze looked up. That man came almost every night now. She wasn't sure who Jen was seeing but knew that telling her no one was there was futile and only caused Jen to grow more agitated.
"Well, tell him to go away. It's bedtime," Suze said.
"He doesn't listen to me."
"He'll listen to me. GO AWAY!" Suze made shooing motions with her arm. "It's bedtime. You don't need to be here." Turning to Jen, she leaned slightly toward her. "Is he gone?"
Jen nodded.
"Good." Leaning all the way down, Suze gave Jen a quick kiss on the lips. "I love you." Jen closed her eyes, a clear sign she intended to ignore Suze. "I love you," Suze repeated.
Opening one eye, Jen looked up and then closed it again.
"I love you," she mumbled grudgingly.
Suze knew the moment she left the room Jen would begin her argument with herself again. It was a scene that played over and over again every night, often going on for hours.
CHAPTER 6
STEPHANIE CAME TWICE a week. A local dementia support group provided her as an aide to give Suze some relief on Monday and Thursdays so she could do the shopping or just relax. The first few times, Jen had been resistant to the stranger's attention, quickly making it clear the aide was not going to give her a bath. Nor would she allow Stephanie to change her Depends. After a while, though, Stephanie's southern charm eased her suspicions and Jen accepted the gentle attention and affection offered.
"Miss Jen, I do believe you're gaining weight," Stephanie said, tugging Jen's slacks up over her client's slender hips. "Miss Suze's gonna hafta go buy you a bigger size if you keep this up."
"Stop that!" Jen said, slapping at the hands.
"Now don't you go actin' that way. I'm tryin' to get you dressed. You can't go runnin' around in your panties. It ain't ladylike."
"Well I ain't a lady, so I don't have to worry about that... and I ain't getting fat either."
Stephanie chuckled. Feisty was good. Patting Jen on the shoulder, she leaned down and kissed her right cheek.
"Ain't no reason to be afraid of puttin' on a few pounds, Miss Jen. It's not like you're gonna get fat or anything. You're way too ornery for that. Now, let's go get something to eat. How about I fix you some warm oatmeal with honey? That sound good to you?"
"I don't want nothing to eat. I want to go to my bed," Jen grumbled.
"Only after you eat. No breakfast, no bed."
"I said I didn't want anything. You can't make me eat."
"Now why do you want to go and be difficult? You know you hafta eat."
"No I don't! You're trying to kill me. YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL ME!"
Hearing raised voices, Suze peeked around the corner. Stephanie held up her hand and motioned Suze to stay back.
"Miss Jen. I don't allow no one to talk to me like that. We don't yell at each other. You be nice to me and I'll be nice to you, okay?"
Jen glared at the caregiver for several moments and then lowered her eyes.
"Oh alright," she mumbled.
"Thank you." Turning to Suze she smiled. "You go rest now. I'll feed Miss Jen and then get her into bed. If you're asleep by then I'll just sneak on out. You need to take better care of yourself, Miss Suze. You're lookin' awfully tired these days."
"I'm fine Stephanie, but thanks for caring. And thanks for helping me with Jen. I don't say that enough."
"You say it plenty, Miss Suze."
Suze headed for her bed while Stephanie helped Jen to the table.
* * *
A loud banging on the door roused Suze from a sound sleep. What now? "I'm coming!" she yelled out and then looked at Jen to see if she was awake. She wasn't. At least being a little deaf has some advantages, she thought.
Putting on her tattered blue robe and matching slippers, she shuffled slowly to the front door and peered through the peephole. Her best friend was standing on the other side waving a brown paper bag at her. Unlocking the door, Suze opened it and motioned the woman in.
"Lindsey, what in the world are you doing here this time of the day?" Suze asked. "It's almost noontime."
"I brought you and Jen some freshly made donuts. I know how much she loves them and how hard it is for you to get out nowadays."
"And I suppose you want me to make coffee now? Well, come on into the kitchen. It's the least I can do since you brought our favorite snack."
Her friend smiled and did as she was told, making herself comfortable on one of the chairs. A few minutes later, Suze placed two steaming cups on the table.
"Here," she said. Opening the bag she spied a chocolate covered donut amongst a variety of others. "Jen will love that
one. I'll save it for her." Suze picked out a glazed one and took a bite. "Mmmm. It's been awhile since I had a glazed donut, not since you were last here. How was your trip?"
"Long! Never sign up with a travel group. The guide was boring and the sites too touristy. Then Becky caught a dose of the Johnny Quick Step. Fortunately, it was mild."
"It doesn't hurt that she's just out of the cradle," Suze said and then laughed.
"She's fifty eight. That's hardly out of the cradle," her friend replied, joining in on the laughter. "Besides, I need someone who can keep up with my sexual appetite."
Suze snorted.
"Sexual appetite. I'd have thought you'd have slowed down by now."
"Oh I slowed down alright but I'm still good for several times a week."
The sound of movement in the bedroom cut off any remark Suze was going to make.
"That's Jen. I need to make sure she's okay," Suze said.
"Do you need any help?"
"No, she doesn't like anyone in the bedroom but me or Stephanie. I'll be right back."
* * *
Jen was sitting on the side of the bed looking around the room.
"Are you alright?" Suze asked, hurrying over to Jen's side.
"I have to pee," Jen said. "Where's my robe?"
Suze pointed to the foot of the bed. Picking it up, she held it out so Jen could slip her arms into the sleeves.
"I heard voices. Who's out there?
"A surprise. Let's go to the bathroom and then I'll show you, okay?"
"Okay."
Leading Jen into the kitchen, Suze watched her partner's face to see if she recognized the woman sitting at the table. Jen stared at her for a few moments. Her forehead wrinkled, a sign that she was struggling with her thoughts. Suddenly a smile broke across her face.
"Lindsey? Is that you, Lindsey?" she asked.
"Hi Jen," Lindsey said standing up. "Come give me a hug, girlfriend."
Jen moved quickly to do just that. Both women wrapped their arms around each other and rocked back and forth for a few moments. Suze watched them with mixed emotions: sadness and happiness. Sadness because the Jen she and Lindsey knew was slowly being destroyed; happiness because her Jen was still fighting to maintain what was left of the old Jen.
Her recognition of Lindsey was proof. Their breakup had been ugly and for years they didn't speak even though they often met in social circles. Eventually, time had tempered the hard feelings and they began to talk to each other. Perhaps it was because both were in stable relationships. Whatever the reason, their friendship was renewed and grew stronger with each passing year. Suze and Lindsey's wife, Becky, accepted that Jen and Lindsey had a history and were happy for the reconciliation. No one posed a threat to the other. That Suze and Lindsey also developed a strong friendship was testimony to that.
"I brought you donuts."
"I love donuts," Jen said, clapping her hands together. "Ohhh! And chocolate." She looked at Suze and smiled. "Can I have some coffee too?"
"Coming right up," Suze replied. After placing the cup in front of Jen, everyone sat back down.
Jen took a bite of the chocolate donut and chewed it slowly.
"Mmmm. This is so good. It reminds me of..." Jen hesitated. Her forehead creased and then she stared at Lindsey. "Of the time you got mad and threw a whole box at me. What a waste of good donuts."
Lindsey laughed.
"I remember that. That wasn't one of our finer moments."
"No, you were mean. Why were you mad? All those broken donuts lying on the floor. I could have eaten them." For a moment Jen seemed sad, but then her expression lightened. "I
looked funny with all that chocolate on my face and clothes. It looked like poop."
"You know, Jen, I don't remember what it was about either," Lindsey lied. The reason was no longer important. "But it sure did. And I had to clean the mess up since you refused to. They'd have stayed on the floor forever."
"We were both pretty stubborn, weren't we." Jen looked at Suze. "We were, you know? Maybe I was more so. Such a waste. Donuts shouldn't be wasted. You shouldn't have thrown them like that."
"No, I shouldn't have," Lindsey agreed.
"I guess all of us can be hard-headed at times. Even now," Suze teased.
"Oh yeah," Lindsey said. "Becky is always calling me that."
"Becky?" Jen asked. "Oh, I remember. She's that woman you married." Jen shook her head. "I never thought it would last, you and Becky. She's awfully young. Guess I was wrong. I'm glad you found someone, Lindsey. You're nice now. You deserve someone nice. We weren't good for one another, were we?"
Lindsey patted Jen's hand and then squeezed it.
"We were always good for each other. We just couldn't live together. Our needs were too different, that's all."
"I suppose. That's a good thing, isn't it Suze? I mean that Lindsey and I couldn't get along? Otherwise we wouldn't have
each other, would we? And Lindsey wouldn't have Becky? Becky's nice. I like her a lot."
Suze nodded.
"Definitely! A very good thing. And you still have Lindsey. She's your best friend."
"Oh! I thought you were my best friend," Jen said, looking confused.
"We're all best friends, Jen," Lindsey said. "Suze's your best partner friend and I'm your best friend friend. Understand?"
Jen looked at the partially eaten donut in her hand and frowned.
"I think so. Sometimes I don't understand things as clearly as I used to. Suze tries to explain or help me remember, but I just can't. One day I think I'm not going to understand anything at all. Then Suze will have to leave me somewhere. That makes me sad."
Tears welled up in Suze's eyes. Lindsey gave her an empathetic look and leaned toward Jen. Lifting Jen's chin with her hand, she smiled.
"Listen, Jen, you know I've never lied to you, right?"
Jen nodded slowly.
"Well, I'm not going to start now. Maybe the day will come when you can't remember anything. Maybe not, but Suze's never going to leave you, and I'll always be here too. You're a strong
woman. The Jen I know and love will never go down without a fight. Okay?"
"But what if —"
"You once told me there are no what ifs. Don't start them now. We're going to take one day at a time. And yes, there will be times when you won't understand something or remember things, but that happens to all of us."
"And you remembered the donut fight, sweetie," Suze added. "That had to be a long time ago."
Jen perked up.
"I did, didn't I," she said, straightening up and smiling. "That's something."
"That's a lot," Lindsey said. "Even I didn't remember it until you mentioned it."
"And... and I remember what the fight was about now. I forgot our anniversary and brought them home hoping to cover it up. I wasn't very good at trying to fool you."
"There you go! You were forgetting things even back then, especially those types of things. So what if you forget a few things now and then. I'd say you haven't changed at all," Lindsey teased.
"No... no, I haven't. I guess I've always been a little absented-minded, huh?"
"Well, I wouldn't say that. Maybe just preoccupied. "
"Preoccupied. I like that word. It sounds... important." Jen looked longingly at another donut. "We ought to finish these off. I wouldn't want them to spoil because I got preoccupied with something else," Jen replied, giving a wry grin. During the next two hours, the three friends reminisced about the old days. For Suze and Lindsey, the Jen of yesteryears had returned.
After Lindsey left, Suze helped Jen into the living room and lit the gas fireplace.
"I'm going to do the dishes and then I'll be right back," Suze said.
"Suzeque?" Jen said hesitantly.
Startled at being addressed by her online name, Suze sat down next to Jen and reached for her hand.
"What, sweetie?" she asked.
"Why do you put up with me like you do?"
"Oh Jen, I don't put up with you. I love you."
Jen didn't say anything for a few moments and then sighed.
"There's something wrong with me and I don't know what to do. It's like I'm somewhere else... or... I don't know. I'm afraid. What if I forget who you are like I forget who I am? What happens to me if you die? Or get sick? No one will care for me."
"Sweetie, let's not worry about that now. One day at a time, okay? You and I... well, we're like a pair of old shoes. What good would we be without each other?"
"I think I'm the one with the hole in the sole," Jen said.
Suze didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the comment. It was only after Jen looked into her eyes that she realized she was being teased. Jen's twinkled with a humor she hadn't seen in a long time.
"I guess that makes me the one with the worn out tongue, huh?" Suze replied and leaned in to give Jen a hug.
"I guess it does." The twinkle faded. Jen's expression changed to concern. "There was something I wanted to tell you, but... I forgot what it is."
"Don't worry about it. When you remember, you can tell me then."
Jen's forehead crinkled. She looked down at the hand holding hers and squeezed it.
"You're a good person, Suzeque. I never told you that enough, did I?"
"Now what makes you say that?" Suze asked.
"I don't know. Just a feeling I guess, but I think you've always known I thought so."
Suze smiled. Seeing it, Jen's lips curled up at the corners.
"Sweetie, there wasn't a day that went by that you didn't tell me or show me you loved me."
"You know something, Suze?"
"What?"
"You're getting a little forgetful yourself. I didn't say anything about loving you. I said you were a good person." Jen laughed at the surprised expression on Suze's face. "Gotcha, didn't I?"
"You sure did. Here you're worried about being forgetful. Hey! I have an idea. We haven't been outside in several weeks and there's some fresh snow on the ground. Let's go make a couple of snowballs."
"I'd like that," Jen said. "Do we have to go far? I can't walk far, you know."
"No, there's enough snow on the porch. And we won't be out long. I get cold easily. Old bones, you know."
"Yeah, you are older than me. I forgot about that. We should change. I don't think it's proper to wear robes outside." Jen stood up and looked around the room. "You'll have to show me where my coat is. I don't remember where I put it."
"How about I help you get dressed and then I'll get the
jackets and gloves?" Suze asked.
Jen straightened from the slightly stooped posture she normally had and gave Suze and indignant look.
"I may be getting old, Suze McMurphy, but I'm still able to put my clothes on." Stalking away, she hesitated at the living room entrance and turned around. "No matter what happens to me you'll remember I've always loved you, won't you?"
"I've